I am still lurking and licking my wounds while sitting on the D papers (so they can sniff my butt - seems like Kevin has unleashed a lot of references to various activities involving butts - on his thread I have seen pumping, humping, jumping, sniffing of butts in the past couple of days ).
Anywho, you know what, there are some very key old success stories that I have seen on this bb of WAWs coming back to the LBHs and in each case they came back after the LBH had "given up" and "moved on". Not in the way that you had "given up" (i.e. strong pursuit) or "moved on" (a mix of strong pursuit and mild dating) in the past couple months. But approximating where you are right now, i.e. somewhat comfortable with your life, even questioning whether you want to go to dinner with XW or not. Then the XW began to pursue and want to come back, i.e. when the heat was off in the sitch.
I know (and Bruce will second this as the first line of his post I assure you) that you will go. That is not in doubt. The $$ question is how you will act when you go....
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
I think I'll settle for door #1-impressive air guitar routine in my briefs. That is so funny. That, if nothing else, will give me something to giggle about for a bit.
Gabe and UD. I appreciate the advice. I'm glad you stopped licking your wounds for awhile to give it. You know, while a dog might get away with it, all you're going to get if you keep licking your wounds is a bad infection. Just like Kevin has to keep his nose out of other dogs' butts, you should keep your tongue off stuff.
I will go, unless she calls to say they aren't going. If she doesn't call I won't bother asking, I'll just do my own thing. I need to work on my book some and read a little more for the creative writing class so I don't lack for things to do.
Thanks again.
W
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
You sure are keeping this thread light. Where is all the dead-pan seriousness?
Okay, here's the update: She called several times; I missed both calls. When I called her back she did want to go. She smiled pleasantly when she saw me and dinner wasn't terrible, but we didn't have much of a conversation. I tried to pay for my half, but she said she invited me, so she was paying. I let her for once even though she can't afford it. She was up paying, I said goodbye to the kids, touched her hip and said "thanks for dinner" over her shoulder and left. Gabe, I did focus on the food. It was good. I didn't focus on her looks because she didn't look that good. I did look her over some and thought after I left that maybe I'm falling out of love. I don't feel the urge to pursue. I don't even consider having R talks with her. And I don't think with longing about being married to her anymore. Unless something fairly dramatic happens, I might be nearing the end of my DBing days. But it could just be a phase. If it is, it's a good phase. I like the feeling.
Have a nice night all. I'm tired and don't feel like making much effort, so I think I'll just watch the rest of my movie and hit the hay.
Thanks for the comments.
W
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I think you went there with some (perhaps hidden or unrealized) expectation and when the evening did not materialize to your hope, you were no longer interested. And to convince yourself of your neutrality, you put a negative spin on the interactions and her appearance.
I do not even believe it was a conscious expectation, as in I hope for a, b, and c tonight. But when whatever scenario you subconsciously wished for did not play out, you shut down and removed yourself quickly from the environment.
Maybe it is a change in feeling or perception or you are trying to convince yourself you should be interested or pursue because the relationship does not seem to be shifting from its current position.
It is almost as if you want her to continue to pursue but raise the level.
It is about her not meeting your unspoken expectations.
That does all sound very reasonable as well. Maybe I did have expectations and maybe I knew that dinner wouldn't do anything to fulfill these expectations. Which explains why I didn't feel like going. Whatever it is, I feel something different around her since I got back from my Mom's. Her kids will be with their dad this weekend so she'll be on her own. I guess that will be the test for me. Will I initiate activities to do together.
Well, I better get ready for work.
Have a nice Friday.
W
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I know that when XH and I separated it was a while before I wanted to be around him. And when we did finally start hanging out again, I wasn't really sure I liked it. But I decided to look at it as just hanging out with a friend, not my XH, not someone I wanted to have a R with, just a friend that I had a nice time with. And for a while I didn't really have any feelings other than friendship for him. But the more time, good time, we got to spend together where we could see how we had each changed and grown, I started having feelings again. Kinda like starting all over again. So maybe just forget all about the R, any hope of a R with her and just see her as a friend. If the feelings come back or grow from what they are then worry about it then, right now just enjoy your time with her as you would with any friend.
I liked Hopes advice. Focus on just friendship for now.
Also try to think about the early days of both your R with her and the first 1-2 months of your sitch. The former regarding why you fell in love with her, esp. what in you was drawn to her qualities, and the latter in terms of recalling the rollercoaster effect of her and your moods/attitude shifts. This far into your sitch, it may be harder to note when one or both of you going 'down' is happening.
). 
That is so funny. That, if nothing else, will give me something to giggle about for a bit. 
