Does a WAW typically continue a quality sex life at home while pursueing a EA or PA? I know my WAW is having EA's but I don't think there are any PA's. Our intimacy has always been good and I have been putting forth utmost effort in this area for the past several months and I am convinced it is part of what is keeping her here. I get concerned when it has been too many days between intimate moments(more than 3 days) that she may have gone to a PA. Is this an accurate barometer of her extracirricular activities or not? We need a lot of input here to get a large enough sample to make a conclusion. I feel this is important because the WAS always lies about this behavior and it is such a breech of respect and health for us.
Hi T-bone, I would be very much interested in THIS also. During the time when I suspected that something was going on with my H, we were having the best sex ever! Quite frankly, HE had always maintained previously (for too long!) that because of the Paxil he was on, he was not able to "perform". So, when all of a sudden he was more than willing and ABLE, I of course enjoyed, but was very confused! During his EA, was he thinking about HER during these 'intimate' times..or was he/is he making sure that he still has it so that when his 'relationship' moves onto PA he knows there will be no problems? Thanks, Glo
My situation was this....H started an EA with a woman he met out of town. Stayed in touch via the email and phone calls. Then he decided to start a PA. Our sex life really didn't alter much at all (it had slowed down some for both of us before the EA or PA anyway partially due to age and some problems I was having). I am not sure if that was due to the fact that he didn't see her but once a month for 4 months. He never treated me any differently and even though we were having trouble communicating and seemed to be drifting apart,we maintained our PR and we both knew we still loved each other (we were just having problems figuring out how to stop the roller coater ride we seemed to be on). Anyway,the A ended after 4 months. He did contine to receive emails from her and he did reply to some of them but stopped all communication with her when he realized that he was hurting our R by staying in touch with her. The sexual part of our R did get better after the A ended. I believe that happened because we both changed the way we were treating one another,we started back doing "little things" for each other like we used to do,we both started being more affectionate and attentive to the others wants and needs and we rediscovered why we fell in love in the first place. I did have some problems with the fact that he was intimate with another woman but I refused to let that stand in the way of the progress we were making in out PR and our ER!! I still think about it and it still hurts even after over a year but it is deffinately better. Don't know if this helps in anyway but that's my story. I believe in my heart that if you love someone enough and they love you enough,even an A can be forgiven and the physical side of your R can become better than ever.People are all different. Some men and women react differently to an A. Some men and women will increase their sexual relationship with the spouse out of guilt or they will slow it down because of a decrease in ability because it is all spent on the OP. Maybe they will decrease it because of a lack of desire for the spouse and it's possible that sometimes the person cheating is actually in love with the OP. It is all a matter of the individual. You know you spouse better than any of us. You have to determine the type of person they are. You can try all the "tricks in the book" to make someone love and desire you but the bottom line is "you cannot control the thoughts and feelings of someone else". You have to determine if you can accept and live with the situation. Best of luck and let us know how things are going. pfroglady
I have seen that sex discussions are somewhat avoided by most on this board but this topic affects many of us. At a minimum it is a health concern. Jump in please.
Ours stopped completly! She wanted me out of the bedroom, no touching, no kissing, not even holding hands. After it ended, things came back VERY slowly, and often stopped again, only to restart a step or two behind where they were.
Not sure what to make of it, but I'm glad we didn't have any contact while it was going on. I would have been furious. I'm still concerned about the transmissions of STD's, but am affraid to rock the boat by bringing the subject up. I know i should, but................
One of the questions I asked my H when we were discussing his A was "did you use protection?" I knew that he got "fixed" 28 years ago so pregnancy wasn't on my mind! I told him that I was concerned about STD's. She mentioned in one of her letters to him that "the first time they had sex it had been a long time for her" (she claimed that she had been widowed for 10 years but she never mentioned how many men she had been with in that lenght of time). I told him that he couldn't be sure how truthful she was being no matter how "nice" she seemed to be! (the way I see it,she hangs out in a night club,she picked up a married man and started having sex with him even after she knew he was married..so how "nice" is that?)Anyway,he swore to me he used protection and I told him that he'd make sure he wasn't lying to me yet again because if anything developed and I "caught" anything he'd be sorrier that he ever even imagined!! In this day and age there are just no excuses for not using some type of protection. The best protection for a married man/woman is of course DO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE!!!! I took his word that he did use protection and I have not thought about it again. I still every now and then think about his having sex with the OW and it still hurts but the pain is less and the thoughts don't happen as often as they used to. I have gotten more secure and since I have dropped 80 pounds I have discovered that my confidence in my sexuality has really shot up!! I think I look a lot better than that WH**E he had sex with and I know for a fact that now I am definately fulfilling ALL his wants,needs,desires and fantasies!! I just refuse to let negative thoughts of this WH**E and the fact that my H had sex with another woman control my sex life and my relationship with my H!! It hasn't been easy but it has gotten so much better with time. pfroglady
