In the journey called marriage my husband and I have lost our way. He told me this weekend he is leaving me this week. This has been the first time he has ever threatened or told me he is leaving or wants a separation or a divorce.
We got into a huge fight over the summer and I asked him to leave. He came back after about half a week. Of course I really needed for him to watch the kiddos when I work. But we were getting along with a few miffs inbetween. We did make love a few times. Only because I initiated.
Then he let me know this week he was leaving. I do have mixed emotions. But mostly I feel a certain peace about it. I spoke to my parents about it yesterday including my dad and that was the first time I cried about it. My dad wasn't much of a dad growing up to me. But later in life he is and he is great! He hugged me and told me he loved me. I could see the hurt in my dad's eyes because he knew his little girl was hurting. You could tell he just wanted to make it go away. He was angry at my husband and thought my husband was being selfish on some things. He pointed out I could have some flaws.(which I know I do) But he told me people now of days give up to easy. They don't think about the kid's and place them first. They only think about themselves and how they can be happier. He was right and it really gave me somethings to think about.
Maybe I will feel differently if my husband actually tried. If he actually showed any concern, hurt or pain. Maybe I would feel differently if he grabbed me in his arms and told me loved me and didn't want to lose me. But as of right now I just feel ready to move on. I feel ready to face happiness head on.
My husband seems to be putting this on me. That I asked him to leave. Well, that was two months ago almost. He came back and has made this decision. So I told him if you leave your family and walk away then it is all you. You left us. You walked away from your family. You will have to take responsibility for that. You will have to account for it and answer to God about it.
That is what I let my dad know that my husband is leaving us. he said maybe after time my husband might change his mind. He said you are such a great wife and mom maybe he will realize.
There is only one certainty that I know I do have. That is if my husband walks away....there will be no coming back for me. I know my heart and how quickly it detaches. That is part of who I am. It takes me a long time to love and when I do I love you with all my heart. But when you have hurt me I let you go quickly. I guess to protect myself from the hurting. So to me the day he leaves will be the day I just get on with life. The day I love my kid's with all my being and help them through this. I will have to be strong for them. That will hurt me the most. They will always have their daddy. But their lives will drastically change. They won't have a family x-mas. They won't have both of us to cuddle up to when they have had a bad dream. They won't have family vacations. But mainly they won't have a male roll model in their life on a daily basis. Also they will feel they are to blame and maybe their dad didn't want them. I will reassure them it wasn't them all the time. Maybe some day someone else will come along that will want to be a part of our family. Someone who will be thankful for having us in their lives. Someone who will be thrilled to have the awesome energy in the home that my children bring.
If he decised to stay and doesn't leave I am at a loss also. Because I don't have it in me to fight for this marriage anymore. My heart has changed drastically in how my emotions are right now. I don't care to ever make love to my husband again. All I ever wanted was to feel desired and loved. For him to tell me I was pretty or how much he loved me while making love to me. All I ever wanted was for him to reach out because HE wanted me. I initiate or cause a fight then he gives in and we have a quick round of sex. He never says I love you, I want you, You are beautiful. I never get the chance to feel feminine. That really hurts. Why would I want him at all I got to thinking one day. Then something just snapped for me. Ever since I don't see him in a sexual way at all.
I had someone tell me the other day they thought my husband was an idiot. It really made me think yep maybe he is. But that pride of his is way to strong to stand up and be a man right now and fight to save me and our family.
So I guess I won't be posting on this board anymore. I am no longer in a SSM. I won't be in any marriage.
I'm so sorry to hear this...and yes, your H is an idiot! He would rather take the easy way out than deal with the problems....the fact is, those problems won't go away for him. He's going to find they keep cropping up no matter how hard he tries to run from them, eventually they'll pop up again.
Stay strong, be the best mom you can be for your kids....you will make it through this a better and stronger woman!
I'm so sorry to hear this. I especially can relate to your sadness that your H never really tried. It sounds like you gave it all you could and all you got was this ultimate rejection.
It sounds like he will regret his decision a great deal.
I always seem to be saying, "me too", but - me too. I'm really sorry to hear this. I'm sorry for all you've been through, all that you've tried, and all that you're still going to be going through. I wish you all the best.
Cally, Sorry to see in the position you are in. People can say things that are based on feelings and feelings change so don't close this chapter of your life. The next chapter is not written yet.
You will need emotional support no matter what happens. Maybe someone to talk to and say what do you think. Please let us on the forum be part of that process. A potential D does not disqualify you from posting when you are ready to move forward.
In the mean time (((((((((( Cally )))))))))), yes 10 out of 10 huggs to you.
This has been the first time he has ever threatened or told me he is leaving or wants a separation or a divorce.
