I had the same problem with Zoloft. Made me feel better mentally, but I had zero interest in sex. I ended up on Effexor and it actually increased my sex drive, but could just be me. Just something to think about if what you're on now doesn't seem to help. Wishing you lots of luck.
Quote: He wants me to give him a kiss, hold his hand or give him a hug for no reason at all. I have been for psych eval and have read 2 books and feel I may have a better understanding of everything but now he will not let me touch, kiss or hug him.
Quote: So....what am I supposed to do in the meantime with the H. He leaves before I get up in the morning and comes home after I go to bed. He doesn't say Hello or Goodbye, I don't know how long I can go on like this.
Well, being a HD M with a LD wife, I can say for me (we're just starting now to resolve our 'issues'). the most important part was above all to get recognition. "I'm sorry" or "I know you feel bad about it" is by far not enough. You have to fully realize and try to understand the emotional hurt it has caused. You will have to allow him to express his emotions, pain, hurt, frustration and distress, and be open to whatever he may say, because regardless, it will be painful as once you DO understand the impact this has had on his emotional welbeing, regardless if you did it on purpose or not, if you aware of the pain you were causing, you will realize how much damage 'this' may have inflicted.
Although it may sound like a blame game, it is not. He needs to be sure you are now fulyl aware of the pain he has been through. See it as an open flesh wound that gets ripped open time and time again. There isn't a quick fix for neither of the two of you.
Love and affection ARE very important, as that is where all the issues and grief come from. But where you are now is a healing process, and just 'giving him the love and attention now' in itself is not enough to heal the wounds.
Thank you sooo much for that posting mqo...... So from experience with this, do you think there is actually light at the end of the tunnel????? It's been 2 weeks now that he hasn't talked to me, besides the arguing and he states that maybe it would be best for me to leave for a while while I find myself.
It's nice to know that it may actually be the meds and I'm not crazy. My H swears it is him and not the meds. They put me on Wellbutrin, I hope it helps me like the Effexor helped you!!!
Oh one more thing to think about, my XH was on Wellbutrin and didn't have very good results with it. It actually made him worse! Just remember to keep an eye on things from that way too.
Did you have a good sex drive before being put on meds?
Quote: Thank you sooo much for that posting mqo...... So from experience with this, do you think there is actually light at the end of the tunnel????? It's been 2 weeks now that he hasn't talked to me, besides the arguing and he states that maybe it would be best for me to leave for a while while I find myself.
I can only speak for my own feelings in the manner, but yes, anger and resentment creep in. For me it has not been that long or grave an issue. In a sense, he might be 'punishing' you, and now that you are opening up, trying to renew your emotional ties, this is the most effective way for him to let you hurt. I don't know if this is the case, but it sure has to do with resentment is my guess. And it's totally unfair, I have had these feelings myself as well, but things from the heart often outrule those of the head. Maybe he wants to see you truly repent what you have done.
Also, whatever talks you might have could be very unsatisfying for him. Again, from my personal experience, I wasn't at all interrested in hearing all the 'reasons' why my W dialed out, as it all sounded like 'excuses'. Whenever you talk about it, try to talk about his feelings, and why he does feel the way he does, and not so much about why you acted or behaved the way you did.
Again, just an amateur personal view from the couch, my personal feelings/experiences don't have to be similar to that of your husband, but so far what I have read on this BB, most Hd people experience very similar feelings and emotions. It's as if most of the comments here you could have written yourself. (Which is a sigh of relief, to realize you're not insane or a sex maniac. )
Quote: He wants me to give him a kiss, hold his hand or give him a hug for no reason at all. I have been for psych eval and have read 2 books and feel I may have a better understanding of everything but now he will not let me touch, kiss or hug him.
Shaly, have you apologized to him for the past? If so, how did he respond?
If you reach toward him, does he pull away immediately? Are you still sleeping in the same bed?
Quote: Yes....last night I put myself in his position....I apologized for hurting him. I told him that I didn't know that I was hurting him like that.
He has been sleeping on the couch for the past 15 nights and he pulls away immediately if I try to even hug him.
What was his response to your apology?
Rather than go for hugs, what if whenever you pass him or are close to him, you just reach out and put your hand on his arm or shoulder? Reaching out to touch?
Well, he didn't have anything to say. He is still not talking to me or coming home until after I am in bed and leaving before I get up. As well as still riding the couch.
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