Has anyone here tried one? If yes, how'd it go? (obviously not that great or I guess you would not be here).
Anyway, I've heard a few good things about some of them, but wanted some other opinions.
Please share if you have any experiences.
Thanks
Do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
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My wife and I attended a session in Jan. Initially, was very excited about opening those communication channels. Seemed to give hope. Slowly fell back into old habits after 1 month. I think both parties need to want and be able to change. As you have pointed out, I'm still on this board. I've gone back to a celibate lifestyle, as it is less painful to me, rather than to be always wanting affection, intimacy (true love) from my partner. I did awaken to the fact that we are different, have different needs etc. I've gotten more sensitivity about these issues on this board, rather than attending the ME. I still say: what have you got to lose?? Try it, perhaps it will be the push in the right direction for you.
Initially I had great success with the WWME weekend. We fell off the wagon though. MrsGGB didn't like doing the exercises, and without them we've fallen back to our old ways. I highly recommend the weekend, but in order for it to work you need to open up and really spill your guts.
The act of spilling your guts can have both a positive and negative effect. Positive if you get something out in the open that's affecting your relationship. Negative, if you get it all out there, and still no appreciable change in your partners attitude or conduct. This lead me to feeling even more hopeless/helpless that any real, longlasting change was possible. So, in the end, it had an overall negative effect. But I was glad that we gave it a shot. It has helped many,many couples.
My husband and I attended a MEW about 18 months ago. We weren't sure what to expect, but were definitely in need of some help. Some friends of ours paid for us to go. We arrived at the hotel, and I was immediately touched, to tears, by all the love and prayer and tender preparations. So many unknown people CARED about US. Our room was lovingly decorated with little signs and treats, handwritten cards from unknown couples who had been assigned to pray for us, and were championing us on.
We were given a schedule... Everyone met together in a big room, and at the front was a long table of '"leader" couples. We went around and introduced ourselves, sang some songs, then one person of one of the leader-couples presented a question and read aloud his diary-response to that question. After he read this, his spouse read her entry about the same question. Then we were dismissed for a set amount of time to respond to the same question by ourselves. We had to be separate for this - men/women took turns staying in the big room while the other spouse went back to the hotel room. After time was up, we were told to go back to the room and trade spirals with our spouse, read each other's entries, and then talk about them.
This continued probably eight or more times? It was all handled very solemnly - no talking to anyone else in the halls or anything. Each different question was introduced by a different leader-couple, who read aloud their own personal entry to us. The entries were so personal, we sometimes all giggled or wiped tears. Sometimes the leader-spouse would get choked up.
The participating couples, of course, were not allowed to read anyone else's entries except for their own spouse's. Everything was kept very private.
The questions we were asked to respond to were very deep, thought-provoking. We were encouraged to be absolutely honest, of course, in our entries. I learned things about my husband that he'd never told me before. It was usually nice to read what he wrote, but there were some painful things brought up as well. After trading spirals and reading each other's entries, we'd talk a little and usually cry, then the phone would ring - which was our signal to go back to the main room to be presented with the next question.
It was very intense. I did NOT like it. I got so mad, I threatened to leave! It drove me crazy to talk just briefly about a certain topic, "open the can of worms," then drop it and be given another can of worms to open.
All the couples ate meals together. They were nice meals, with a list of questions for us to answer/discuss during the meal. What I didn't like was all the pain and crying, then quickly drying up to walk back to the main room or to a meal, putting back on the "We're okay" faces.
Had I known about it, we should have opted for a different Marriage Encounter for very serious problems. I think regular ME's are for okay-marriages.
However much I disliked it, my husband LOVED it. He felt like all kinds of healing had happened - I felt like all kinds of wounds had been re-opened. I'm still very deeply touched by the program, though, by all the people who were praying for us and sharing their own hearts. I would encourage anybody to go. It's not easy, it's not fun, but it changes you. It's good. DO IT!!! (I realize I said I hated it, but I still acknowledge that it was good for us.) If nothing else, look at it as a cheap vacation away from the kids and work. You might 'hate' it as much as I did, but it will definitely bless your marriage.
Do they have these week ends for couples with serious problems. I would like to attend one but think the problems we have, if brought up often enough would be the end of the R.
We almost went to one (ME?)( it was a sample type presentation) and did some of the introduction exercises but I tried to not bring up the bad stuff fearing the intro session would make things worse.
Any advice about something like this so it improves the M instead of just opening up more wounds?
I brought up attending one of these weekends to my H a few months back, suprisingly he was very receptive to the idea. We haven't yet had a chance to schedule one...and right now I'm having a bit of a tough time finding one that's not church specific. I had offered to find one that is sponsored by a Methodist church (my H is methodist) but quite unexpectedly he asked that we try to find one none-church related so I will do my best to comply.
GEL, Below is link from the Encounter organization my spouse and I used. We are also subscribing to the magazine listed.
The Marriage Encounter idea started within the Catholic church, however it is pretty much "generic" Christian during the weekend. I, being an athiest, found it sometimes a abit annoying, but it was tolerable and my spouse realized my commitment to the relationship.
We are scheduled for one in November and I have high hopes for it. It is on the weekend before my birthday. My H is actually excited about it. I hope that helps. We will be in a retreat center instead of a hotel.
