Quote: I received the D papers yesterday. W handed them to me with "here are the papers for you to sign". I guess it struck me like a bolt of lightning although I could see it coming from the horizon. I am just internally tired and quiet right now.
I know exactly how you felt. As you are aware in my sitch, I knew the D was coming, the finality was looming, but it still hit me hard, like I didn't see it coming. Reading the final decree resulted in only numbness initially, but the wave of emotion a few days later? It was like someone dumped a 25 ton load of manure on me. (It could happen in my line of work)
Anyway, I feel for you and I know what it's like as I've been there recently myself. Lurk as long as you need. It helped me regain focus and thought process.
And, sorry that she picked first day of the semester to do this. I know what you have on your plate. But, is there ever a good time to have this happen?
I am lurking occasionally but not posting right now. WAW is pushing forward with the divorce. Things are great between us otherwise. She is talking to me about her daily stuff, seeking support from me, we are being very nice to each other, physical space has maintained in accidental touching mode. But like a runaway train she keeps taking steps to get this divorce over with. I dont get it. I am very confused and just dont get how someone can do all that while also steadily improving interactions. I am being very cooperative in the whole D process. I just want it over with. I dont know if there is a possibility of resurrecting the R to the extent of a possible future reconciliation anymore. We have been at this for more than two years now and she has chosen this path and persists on it. I have totally given up arguing against her swinging a wrecking ball on the past.
I am very confused and I dont think I can DB this thing to get anywhere at this point. I notice that she takes the next step towards D particularly immediately after we have had a really good interaction. Almost like the good interaction makes her panicky or something. I cant explain it, I leave after time together with her and D3 thinking, "wow, I DBed well there, perhaps some deposits have been made in the love bank?" and kaboom, the next day she emails me of her progress on the D proceedings. I know Wes had a similar experience with his XW. I dont understand it....
I am going to lie low and be sporadic in my participation on the bb for a while just until I sort things out.
Wes: I see that you are on a positive turn and I think patience will pay off for you.
Gabe: your sitch seems to be heading into murky waters with your XW in full MLC mode questioning everything she is. It is going to take some time for things to turn around and to become clear.
All: I hope things get better for each of you.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
As I read your update, and before you said it, I thought your situation sounded exactly like mine except more protracted. Bringing up some aspect of the D after a positive interaction is hauntingly familiar, a regular de javu. Just analyzing here, but the positive interactions were genuine, unforced, natural and the D talk was out of the blue and didn't just arise in routine conversation. It seemed almost as though as the X thought about the day with me, perhaps even thinking how enjoyable it was, that she thought "I bet that good interaction got his hopes up. I better reassure him that I still want the D." Your X has got to be dragging her feet if it's taking this long.
Anyway, I was thinking if I had to do it all over again that I would reach the point I am now before the D took place. That I would have let her carry the burden of initiating, make the most of the interactions with her, but at least keep her uncertain whether I was still carrying a torch for her. So that's what I would suggest for you. The interaction I feel is a good thing, just so long as you let her be the one to primarily initiate it.
Good luck UD. Keep us informed if there is a change in your situation.
W
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
If she's pushing the D after nice interactions, why don't you consider NOT interacting?
I had to disappear on my X before I got anywhere, before he missed me.
Whenever he does something I don't like, I just cut him off and refuse to listen to his problems etc. He only gets the benefit of my company when he invests into his R with me.
If you are around for her, solving her problems etc then she has no reason NOT to divorce you, as she thinks she will still get all that even while divorced.
