Quote: H told me that he hates being home and that he feels forced to be there and he tells OW that too! Somehow this ended up leading into a physical brawl with us
Michelle,
LAST STRAW!! PLEASE listen to what everyone who has responded has said. Also, think about this. Think hard. Here's a bunch of people who don't know you from Adam (or Eve), who care about you. I can only speak for myself but I know that when I read the above quote, I shook physically.
I could sit here and re-hash what the above people said, but you don't need to hear that. But Michelle, GO SOMEWHERE, or don't let him in, or get a restraining order, or Hell, go stay with your folks in Rancho Mirage. Even if you have to commute from the desert to Pico Rivera everyday SO WHAT!
Michelle, I could keep writing but you've pretty much got the gist of what I have to say. I hope you don't think I'm a pr**k but if you do, I'm OK with that. I'd rather you feel that way and make a move.
PLEASE take care and for Christ's sake BE CAREFUL!!!
I am having a hard time tonight...I have been drinking...I know very bad. I need time to let everyone know how much I appreciate everything that you help me though. I am feeling realy down and I want to feel like I am whole. I hate this crap...I really drank a lot to make myself feel better but it didnt work....lI feel like [censored]. Help me
I too have just finished reading your thread and have been in EXACTLY the same place you are right now but about 1.5months ago. My D3,S5,D7 to this day still talk about when H got physical with me. (of course he blames it all on me and i took it too) My D3 now tells everyone about our 'FIGHT' and what daddy did to mommy, not a topic i want her telling anyone let alone complete strangers. So learn from me and mine do not take the blame from his anger, don't let him back in the house and if Hannah (my D3 is Hannah)saw explain to her that this is not how mommys and daddys should be with one another. I now tell my kids hands are for praying not hitting. My S5 says and for picking up toys hahaha. My H says that i am the only one that can make him this mad and bring out all this anger in him. (what about the holes in girlfriends walls before we met...he says oh well i was drinking then....they always have an excuse)just like it's our fault they are with OW. Yes take pictures of any marks and just make sure they are not faded out in photograph (advice given by attorney)
I would love to tell you to tell him he needs help but know from my own experience with H that he may say ok or that he'll get help for it but it is doubtful at this point as nothing he is doing is his fault in his mind and this is according to my H just one more reason that we shouldn't be together. (the smartest thing he has said but he's using it as a reason to be with OW not because he's concerned with his own anger issues.)so please be careful. I know you will want to trust him that it won't happen again but it did for me and the second time was worse and all my fault again.
I know its hard as you can see i am still working on my marriage but as i am reading the advice i am giving you and am wondering why i am, H cheats, lies, sneaks, hurts me emotionally and physically...is this what we want our children to learn from us...be strong and work it out while being someones doormat and punching bag?!? My S5 said to me today...Mommy why don't you just hang up the phone on daddy????!!!! Pretty sad that a 5yr old has to know and think and teach us these things but everyday it is all becoming more and more clear to me...i didn't end this marriage H did by having A and now being physical on top of it... is this what i want my kids to think is a normal marriage and what they should endure in one. NO its not what i want mine to think...so i guess we need to respect ourselves enough to save our children from any more damage.
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone at all. Hope some of this helps you as writing it to you has certainly helped me...thank you for sharing and letting me share back
You reached out late last night and I answered. Yet, we haven't heard from you. Please check in Michelle, even a one word post please... Everyone's concerned. You have a lot of people who care about you Michelle. Please check in with us.
Hello everyone! I did have to get away....thank you all for being so supportive to me. I feel like a mess but I know that things will get better. There are a few things that keep running through my mind because of all that has happened....(just need to journel them)
H said that I should have noticed that he F*cks me and never makes love to me. (I was thinking that wow maybe I liked it better that way(I am being a smart a^^)
When H ripped my jean off my bottom he asked me to go and cover up because it was making him sick.
Told me that OW has wonderful body.
Told me that he felt forced to come home.
He hates me more then he has ever hated anyone(sounds like a teenage fight)
I am figuring out that he has problems in his head...more then I thought before. How can a man blame someone as great as me for all of these problems?
He had the affair He caused the heartbreak and "drama" He was rough with his arguing He doesn't try to fix things or show actions...his words are all lies
Sounds like I am being harsh but it helps vent my thoughts!
I have decided this about me... I am a great mom I am cute(not beautiful or drop dead georgeous but cute) I have a great personality I am a great stepmom(DMF you are great too) I am not losing out here..he is!
Thanks for letting me do that....in case I need to look back at it another day!
So...I am a little bruised up....I have a knot on my forehead...and I am sore...but I am alive and have been able to enjoy a beautiful day with Hannah. I thought about you all today and besides hoping that you are all well...I wanted to say thank you again. Hope you all have a great Saturday night!
Yes, you are great and don't get sucked into his blame game anymore...he's lashing out at you b/c he doesn't know his own head from his @ss!
It's great to see that you are looking for positives in yourself...more often than not we look for positives in our R, and forget about ourselves. But hey ...DBing is all about us in the end!
Glad to hear that you are okay. That's a great idea on checking on your previous post to remind yourself that you are a better person than what H tries to portrait you as. I think maybe H is angry with himself, and if he can't take it out on himself than who better than his W who is a part of him. Make any sense?
Take care of yourself and Hannah and have a nice, quiet Sunday.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Hey BQT1 - I agree physical violence is not an option. It never solves anything and often causes more problems than what was there b4.....Make sure you take those photos and see a doctor for him/her to record it on your file. You don't have to do anything about it but pls do it for your and Hannah's sake as if it is recorded by a doctor and if you have photo's to back it up it is evidence for you should you ever need it, even in a custody case. This may never ever happen but if it does wouldn't it be better to have this evidence than to not have it and regret it later. Don't even tell anyone that you have it if you don't want to but I urge you to do it for yours and Hannah's sake.......I am sure you are so hurt on a physical and emotional front and he attacked your pride by making you feel awful about your body well guess what you can change your body (diet, gym or nothing if it doesnt need it) but he cannot do a damn thing about the person he was that night which was a.......sorry BQT1 I am just saying I know you must feel awful in a number of ways and know everyone here loves you for you so rather than turn to drink turn to venting on this board and it's better for Hannah and your head the next morning(LOL) Come BQT1 escape reality, have a laugh and a joke here and get the support and advice you need to make you a strong Goddess.....KDU
