Good Morning Everyone....My other thread was locked up so I am starting another. I hope that everyone had a wonderful weekend. Mine was very strange....
Here it goes...
I explained to everyone that H had been in a fight wih SIL husband. Well, low and behold....SIL told H that he had to move out because although she is separated from her H he will make things tough. I found this out when I went there to drop off Devin(stepson). I didnt offer him to come home we just talked about what he was going to do. H said that he wanted to come home...Yikes! Was not ready for that! H ended up staying the weekend at the house...we got along but at the same time we gave eachother space. Hannah and Deving had so much fun running around...it was too cute! On Sunday I let husband sleep in...at about 11am I let him know that I was going to get something to eat and for him to watch the kids....I came home he was still in bed...but the kids were in the room playing. Hannah, Devin and I ate our Subway and then H came out of the room to eat. I could see that something was affecting him. I said to him .... are you feeling okay...H said that he was having a bad day...was mising OW. He told me that is told her that he wanted to move home. Then he said that he told her that he is kind of forced to because he doesnt know where to go(I kept my friendly concern face on although I wanted to say something)..she was upset and he is trying to cut it off cold turkey. We went in the backyard and fixed the PVC pipe for the sprinklers and didn't talk about it anymore. H made several trips to Home Depot and took Devin each time until the last time. H left a little upset because he didnt want to have to go back...he just wanted to finish. Well, he was gone a long time and I called him to see if he could get something while he was gone....and he said(rudely) I am on my way back...I had to go back to Home Depot because you(me)bought the wrong length cuplings. On my first attempt to call him his voicemail came right on...(that means that he was on the other line) since he was being rude I assume that it was OW. He said I know that I was on the other line(I guess he could see that I tried to call in) he said he was trying to call his sister.(I guess that he thinks that I am dumb) When he got home and we were in the backyard...he said what if I was talking to OW...there is nothing that I can do and that this is why he didnt want to live here....he didnt want to live his life like this(I hadnt asked him anything) I nicely said that I am not going to argue...and that I was going to leave and take a breather(went to drop off Hannah at my moms..she wanted her for the night) When I came back...I gave him more space...H came up to me and said sorry and that this is a little tought right now. I did explain that I did not ask him to come home...and that I am not going to live like this and with communication we can work through anything...but being rude is unacceptable.
I dont know what is going to happen now. I dont like what he said to OW (he never Has to come home) We do need to discuss what he is really going to do...but I will wait to see what he does today. I figure that he could have rented a hotel for the weekend but he came to the house. I understand the withdrawl..but the rudeness is wrong. I always want him to come home because he wanted to..not because he feels forced.(There are a lot other options) I feel like a soap opera...I figure OW with try and IM me today...not responding to her. Ahhhhh! To much to fast! I need some time to think and absorb!
Quote: I said to him .... are you feeling okay...H said that he was having a bad day...was mising OW. He told me that is told her that he wanted to move home.
Michelle,
You must be a better person than me. I'm trying to picture my reaction if I W was at my place and I asked her, "You look down, is everything OK?" And she repiled, "No, I havent seen OP in a few days and I'm really missing him." What do you think my response would be Michelle? Just curious...
At least you had fun with the kids. Hang on to that. That's what my weekend consisted of, a house full of little teen girls up Saturday night until 3:00 AM. It was a blast. W has no idea what she's missing!! .
Heres a goal for you: By the time thread #4 locks up, you are going to be a much stronger Blonde Cutie and you'll be in the plans for the Vegas trip!!!
DMF.. I knew out of anyone here....that you would respond. I appreciate your thoughts and I am not better then you...I wanted to beat him up but instead I was friendly and didnt say much. Believe me it killed to hear this and to think of how selfish he is being by telling me about his hardship....I wanted to say well gee buddy I have been having a hardship for almost two years. I would rather been at the Giggle Fest watching movies...eating junk and enjoying myself. To be honest I am stumpped....I dont know what to do....I am really confused and I feel tormented a little. I feel like I don't know what I should be able to say or do....I really want to be happy and not afraid to walk on eggshell or he might call her. I know that he did yesterday....my heart tells me so....he checked out from Home Depot at 733p and got home at 759pm....Its about 4 miles away. I think that I will going the gang by changing my name to "Crazy in the Head"
WHen you talk to H does he literally say he is upset because he hasnt talked to OW??? If he does say that, man is he insensitive. At least my H is trying to hide is affair, Damn your H is balsy! I am not trying to make you feel bad, but while you are trying to remain chipper he is moping around because he cant see her. Maybe the next time you talk to him about that, you can tell him that he doesnt have to stay at home. You only want him home because he wants to be with you and not any other reason. ITs almost like he is asking for your approval. It is really weird. Definately dont stoop to her level and talk to her. She is an ass and obviously very immature. Anyone who contacts their lovers wife to tell him about the scratch marks she left is immature and not worth your time. For now the only option you have unless you want to kick him out is to GAL right in front of his face. He wont like it, believe me! Dont walk on eggshells, stomp on them! Your H reminds me so much of mine, although mine trys to make believe I am stupid and that I dont know about his telephone activities, its as if they dont want to let go of you, but dont want you either. Limbo land is not fun! GAL, GAL, GAL! Thats all you can do right now
Okay I am really trying to deal with this all. This stitch is weird. H went to take Devin back to his mom's house last night and was gone for two and a half hours...he said that he drove around to think. He then said that he wants to work on the M but at the same time he wants to move forward and not have things thrown in his face.(Hello...I havent done that...I am trying to be supportive and its hard) H had to leave at 330am for work and I spoke to him at about 5am and he sounded bummed. H said he was having another bad day(he probably had a lot of time to think on his long drive)I try to be the supportive friend and let him know that we can work through this....but when I say it I really dont feel it in my heart. I was willing to work like this along time ago but in my heart I feel that we were separated so that he can find himself again and now he is going through all of the emotions. H got in the shower this morning and his phone was right next to the bed...I was tempted to look to see how long he talked to her during his drive to drop off stepson but then I told myself...Why???? so it can make me miserable.....I married to love not to be a detective. I dont want to wonder all of the time and worry....my doctor said that my body is so stressed out that my blood levels are crazy....Yikes!
My whole point is... am I doing this supportive friend thing right? Should I be doing it? Can we get through this? Is it worth all of this?
I want to be loved for who I am. I want to be a supportive W but feel the emotions back. I want to be happy. I want affirmation and to hear the words "ILY".
I am not a nut case...I just need to know if I am doing things correctly in order to move forward and be happy.
Has anyone had a phone consultation? Was it worth it?
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. When reading about your sitch it sounded like it was me writing it. My H did the withdrawl of OW, the moping, telling me he missed her, missing for hours at a time to "clear his head." Beleive me, I didn't want to be a detective either, but I just didn't want to stand around waiting for him to come home.
My advice would be to set boundaries for yourself or the WAS will feel they can walk all over the LBS. I believe I was too nice to H, I didn't set any boundaries, I allowed him to come home when he wanted, leave for days at a time without questions. I myself feel that I let H walk all over me and lose any respect he had for me. I don't know if that's the case, but that's how I feel.
My H filed for divorce yesterday, but I'm okay with it. I have accepted it and I'm moving on. I know that I tried my hardest and he admitted that he did not try to work on our M. I know that I have come out the better person from H's A.
Keep your chin up!! I'm sure things will get better. GAL and set some boundaries with H.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
You know what Michelle, KDK is right. I don't know why it didn't think of it. Sit him down and in your best non-confrontational voice, tell him that you find it unacceptable for him to discuss, refer to, or mention OW in your presence. Simple. Done. If he can't handle that, Tough Sh**!!
Sorry for the bluntness but like I said yesterday, you DO NOT have to put up with that for any reason. And to be honest, I can't believe he has the stones to even try and to talk to you about that!
Blonde - for a different take on this, read Deb 's thread in the Piecing forum. Her h broke up with OW after many false starts, has been working through the emotions in a way that has required Deb to just about bite her tongue off - but it seems to be really paying off finally.
BQT... No words of wisdom, just a big old HUG!!!!!!! You don't deserve this garbage. You're so sweet and funny and I worry about that heart of yours. You've got to protect it, ok?
Thanks everyone....I love this site it really helps me A LOT! This situation is so confusing but I can make it through it.....Fake it till you make it...right!
I am still not sure how to act with H....DB phone call today said to be his friend but not his mother....I can't overly care or it will help with their problems(H and OW) and push him more away from me.....so confusing!
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