I am shocked! He does NOT seem the 'type', and she has been suffering in silence for YEARS!
I have never heard of a man not needing to 'finish off' during sex, but apparently her H doesn't. If she has an O, he is 'satisfied' and gives up and goes to sleep! He doesn't even want to O!!! I have NEVER heard of that!!!
I gave her the web address for this bb, and I hope she will post here. I think she needs to hear that others are sharing in her pain, and it is REAL PAIN she is feeling. She was so embarassed to even tell me about it, but once she started talking, it just poured out of her.
I never realized until tonight how much she has suffered over this, and how undesirable she feels. This from a woman who is obviously a very sexual person, it just oozes out of her pores! It is just not right, and I pray there is a solution here for her, because she is a beautiful person feeling very unattractive and alone right now.
It makes me realize how LUCKY I am that my H WANTS me... all the time... no matter how I look or even smell! He is attracted to me and always was, and I am always aware of it. I hate that he perhaps suffered in silence a lot of years due to my not understanding his needs. I do have to say that I'm doing MUCH better these days, but it is something that I have to always keep in mind. Not sure why, but I do...
Hugs to all you HD women out there suffering along with my friend. I pray for all of your H's, that they can see how much this is hurting you and find their desire again.
It's interesting how much more intense it is to find someone in the opposite sich in real-life than on this BB. I've posted that a friend of mine just revealed to me that she was LD and when I told her just a bit of my HD woes she had a reaction similar to yours because I know I must have revealed the years of hurt as I was speaking even though that wasn't my intention. Then I proceeded to freak her out by telling her that it got to the point in my marriage that I told my H that either things had to improve or I was leaving thereby giving her a bit of a wake-up call about her own situation.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
It sux being an HDW, that's for sure. I've heard some people, irl, say "Oh it's just as hard being an LDW and have to deal with the constant groping, etc" but I always thought, No it's not just as bad.
Anyway, fwiw, I don't think your friend's husband could possibly be that LD. There is no such creature as a man who doesn't have a sex drive at all, and never cares if he even comes. I would haul his azz to the sex therapist asap and see what's up. It's possible that he mb's too much and has become desensitized to anything but his own special brand of handling it. Or he could have a porn problem and be at the point that only hardcore stuff can elicit the desired response. Whatever. I think she should keep pressing and insisting on counseling, if necessary.
Sex therapists will say that, while LD men do exist and in greater numbers than previously thought, they are NOT sexless. That is, an LD woman may a "low drive" and not be in the mood for sex and she also does not masturbate. An LD man will still masturbate while turning down sex with his partner. IOW, I simply do not believe that her husband just has no sex drive and doesn't want to O. I believe that he is channeling whatever sex drive he has (and it is probably lower than hers, don't get me wrong) towards some solitary activity.
So the way I see it is that your friend has two problems: Number one, her husband's drive is lower than hers and they will have to negotiate the answer to this problem. Number two, he is currently avoiding all sexual release with her and taking care of himself.
Good luck to her and thank you for taking the time to write that out! That was sweet and I appreciate the sentiment.
I actually asked her about the masturbation/porn/affair thing, and she was ADAMANT that he is not a masturbator (in fact, had trouble mb for a sperm sample), doesn't particularly like porn (doesn't want to watch it with her, or buy books/mags), and that he couldn't possibly be having an affair. Is she in TOTAL DENIAL??? What is going on with him?
He actually tells her to 'get dressed' if she walks around in the nude, and acts like she has committed a crime if she wears sexy lingerie.
Now to be fair, they have been 'baby making' since over a year, so that is causing him to be a bit tense over sex. He sees it as a function they MUST DO now, and says it will change when she is pg... I am worried about them. I don't think it will change for the better at all.
What do you think? Is he a scam artist? I've never heard of a man stopping in the middle of having sex... "Was it good for you? Ok then... G'nite!"
There is a website devoted to asexual people, including men, so their must be men that don't really ever want sex. But I always thought that men MUST release their seed on occasion or they will explode. The prostate has to be relieve at some point does it not?
Again, what I was saying was that it's not that he's necessarily LD (though his drive is lower than hers) it's that he channels that sex drive away from his wife, for whatever reason.
I think it will have to be at her insistence that they jointly find out what is behind the "whatever" reason.
Is he particularly religious? Is there sexual abuse in his past?
I kinda agree with Cemar...unless he is having wet dreams out the yazoo, his body will require some sort of release on a regular basis. I would be skeptical of the no masturbating claim--and I am married to a man who doesn't do that, LOL! (I used to be very skeptical of him, as well, but he finally convinced me)
How long have they been married? Has he always been like this?
Hey Jen, I also wanted to ask: What is the 'type' for an LD man?! I'm curious to see what you had in mind.
Along those same lines, I've met so many women who look hot..take equisite care of themselves and dress provocatively, only to find out that they are LD and the cover on the book has nothing to do with the content. That always baffles me. Why wear sexy clothes if you don't want to have sex? I'm not talking about attractive clothes or looking nice, I'm talking about sexy stuff--low cut, heels, waxing legs etc, the things one would normally do to entice the opposite sex.
Just curious and bored. My kids are at the neighbors house and babypot is taking a record-length nap. Pretty soon I will have exhausted my attention span for the bb and will be forced to clean house.
RE: HP I'm talking about sexy stuff--low cut, heels, waxing legs etc, the things one would normally do to entice the opposite sex. Some do it because they are in comptition with other women or they want to look as good as other women. Nothing sexual about it.
I reas some of the opost on the asexual board. Seems most guys there MB (frequently to almost never) but dont like IC.
No real 'type' I guess, just that he always came off as a ladies man... very confident, openly affectionate towards his W, had lots of girl friends in the past.
I think you just exposed a bias of mine, that 'sexual' looking men must be sexual! It is hard to accept that these men can be less than sexual in nature! Darn, makes me wonder now about some of the 'manly' men I fantasiz(ed) about!!!
