I'm just feeling sad and confused this morning. I've been thinking about this for a couple of days. I've been trying to figure out what I can do to feel better but it's hard. A couple of things I've noticed since H came back are really bothering me right now. I'm afraid to talk about it cuz I know he is going to be frustrated.
For the 10 years we were together prior to S we always kissed each other good bye in the morning. He usually initiated it. Also during that time he sometimes came over to me in bed and snuggled up for a few minutes. He never does this anymore, except once when I asked. I am really confused by this and feeling rejected. I really want to ask about it, but I don't know how.
Now the kiss thing--he is not a morning person, is usually grouchy and just focused on getting ready for work so I can kinda see this one. This morning he was still in bed when I left and I thought he was kind of awake so I asked for a kiss. He cursed at me and I immediately apologized and said I knew better. But, he did it before at his own initiation. So it's a little confusing too. I want to ask him about both of these things. I want to do it in a way that doesn't put him on the defensive. My goal is to understand why he doesn't want to do this anymore--if I am somehow putting up some kind of barrier, or if there is something he is struggling with. I don't want to just ignore this, it is too important to me. He isn't a touchy, feely guy so it means alot to get it when I do. What should I do? Just leave it alone?
I really don't know what advice to give. Just wanted to give support. On the one hand- my instinct is to leave it alone. On the other it seems to really be bothering you. Could you possibly talk with him more generally on if there's anything bothering him rather than focus specifically on the snuggling and kiss goodbye ?
Rather than talking or asking about it, have you tried to initiate anything yourself? And seeing how grouchy H can be in the morning, is there a better time during the day and/or night when H might be more receptive? If you just went in for a kiss or a snuggle without saying anything first, do you think H would push you away? Or do you think he would be ok with that?
Maybe since H has always been the one to initiate, do you think you could try it a little more? And remember that timing is everything.
Just a suggestion, and I hope it helped some. Take care.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
Thanks JV and Hopeful. I did try to initiate the kiss goodbye and that's what got me into trouble. And I knew it was probably going to happen, but I tried it anyway. Last night out of nowhere he reminded me about how he is in the morning, about how that is his best sleep time and he's going to be grouchy if I disturb him. He didn't apologize for cursing of course, but that was his way of saying he was thinking about it and he really didn't like to react that way but if I was going to come in and wreck his sleep, then that's what would happen. So, yes, timing is important. I just have trouble letting go of that morning ritual we used to have.
I can usually go over and snuggle him, but I want him to come over and snuggle me! Oh well--I guess I can't have everything exactly the way I want it.
I'm not going to say anything, but I will work on intiating more and making sure the time is right! Thanks again!
