Quote: we will hereafter go back to the traditional gender roles with which we both entered this R.
Oh. I was confused about how long you'd been doing this.
Quote: Now that I have seen how aggressive she can be, I like it
No doubt! I suspect it's more than just passing off a responsibility.
Quote: P.S. SD, I have been reading up on your thread, learning all the players' names and just what in the hay-ell is going on in your life. As soon as I feel I have it all straight, I will commence my usual butt-in-age.
I will talk to him as soon as the j-o-b stuff settles down. In the meantime, I will just put a lid on it and try to get back to being more flirty, or whatever it was he became accustomed to.
It WAS working, I just thought that, with time, he would open up in this way too and we'd both be doing this to each other. Instead it's stayed all on my shoulders and he has viewed his portion to be upping the frequency.
Now that the frequency is slipping, I'm no longer willing to keep my yap shut. I gotta have something from him, kwim?
But like I said, this is not the time. I will try to work my magic with the sbt techniques and save the R discussions for later.
Zbube, What I meant by the Woman statement was that me aggressively pursuing sex is not a "natural" thing for me. I am doing it solely because it is working for our R. I feel very much like a man in the way that I act and I would vastly prefer to go back to acting in my normal way and have HIM act like the dude.
So I was saying, Yeah good is good but I can't see a lifetime of acting in a way that feels unnatural to me.
What if your wife was turned on when you acted demure and coy? Would you be able to do this for the rest of your life and suppress the normal way you really are? SHOULD you even do this?
I guess that's where I was going with that question...
I don't know about demure and coy, but I think I get where you're coming from. Would I be happy at the prospect of a lifetime of having to feign disinterest in order to make her interested? No, I don't think so. It would be completely unnatural for me to do that. In my mind, that would amount to lying; I would be playing head games in order to get laid.
I'm not really playing head games so much as doing something that actually makes the sexual interaction LESS than what it could be. It lessens my desire for him when I have to be the one pursuing him, all the time. I do it so that we have a sex life but if he would reciprocate, I would actually feel turned on. Half the time I am not turned on, I just pretend to be so that HE will loosen up and let his desire out to play. Then when he does, the fun starts.
I can tell he may want to ML but he won't go any further til I "draw it out of him". So I put on my Aggressive Hat and go for the gusto and yet I'm not feeling any gusto yet.
It would be exceedingly nice if he'd DO something to demonstrate his desire instead of sending out signals that he'd be open to ME starting something.
At any rate, I'm having a girls night out tonight with my sisters. He will feel horny for me when I get home because he usually does when I'm gone. It's like he sees me all dolled up and knowing that I'm going somewhere without him and it snaps his rubber band pretty hard and he remembers, Hey she is kinda attractive... Weird. Plus, he misses me when I'm gone. So he will want to ML tonight. We're nothing if not predictable! lol
Corri told me long ago to do more GAL; that this would awaken something in him and I have not done that yet, since the girls are so little. There is some huge potential in that idea, tho.
I don't get it. How any guy wouldn't ravish his wife is beyond me. Seems like I'm missing something. Maybe the people posting should mate and those not posting should mate and we'd all live happily ever after?
Being a woman and being faced with a lifetime of namby-pambyness from your MAN is a bummer that I can't seem to shake lately.
Odd my H is the HD he two wants me to be the person to be the sexual opener. You are the HD and you want your H to be the sexual opener. Hmmm dont think it is a gender thing wondering if it is even about sex after reading your post and knowing him.Wonder if it is about being made to feel desired by your S instead of having to be the one showing that you desire your S. Sorta like it would be nice to recieve a compliment instead of having to be the one to always give a compliment. Just a hmmm for me to over analize.
Have a great girls night out. (yes I wish I was allowed one)
Have you taken testosterone? Have you gone to a hard exercise routine. I have read the Bergman Sister Doctors and they seem to zero in on testosterone right off the bat. They want the women to get into hard erecise routines just so the women will start generating testosterone. And as far as I know, testsoterone is the ONLY aphrodisiac in the universe.
Cemar, testosterone for women is protected like gold in Fort Knox.
Trust me when I say, whether dealing with male or female physicians - medical care for women's sexuality in the general medical market is of subpar quality.
Men have sexual problems - not an issue! We've got viagra and testosterone shots and patches and pills dispensed by any and every Dr. Tom, Dick and Harriet.
Women have sexual problems - oops. We've got??? Crickets chirping, that's what we've got.
So, I've finagled another blood test in the upcoming week. Which results I will most likely be sending to physicians who also play doctors on the internet, in the hopes of pursuing a hormone cocktail that might replenish what I'm missing.
I've managed to collect a few books written by female physicians who are promote testosterone for lower drive women. If push comes to shove, I'm not against driving or flying for appointments if the online thing doesn't pan out.
I exercise 6 days a week. And I have done harder workouts (a mixture of hour of aerobics and an hour of weight lifting) which didn't increase my libido, but did increase my sense of healthiness and being more in touch with my overall body. So, the sense of sensuousness has been increased.
First a little history. I found this group about 2 years ago when my marriage was heading for divorce court because my husband was HD and a very sensual man but I was LD most of our marriage. We received extremely bad counseling about 15 years ago in which the psychologist told my husband that sex was not a need like food, water and air and that he could survive without sex. Well, I took that advice to heart and it nearly destroyed our marriage.
I found Michelle's book and this board about 2 years ago. Through some of the HD husbands' postings, I have come to understand my husband's point of view and have discovered my own sensuality. I am basically where Mrs. Nop is; I understand that touching and sex means love to my husband and I willingly open myself in this way to him. No way do I have the touching need that he does for various reasons but I understand it is important to him.
Anyway, what caused me to post is Mrs. Nop's post about finding a doctor to help her with her hormones and I can help! My daughter has been seeing a Dr. Elizabeth Vliet who is EXCELLANT!! She is based in Arizona but maintains a medical office for a week once a month in Dallas. Look her up on Amazon. She has written several books on women's hormones and her latest book, which I have purchased, is "The Savvy Woman's Guide to Testosterone: How to Revitalize Your Sexuality, Strength and Stamina". Mrs. Nop, she is fantastic! Women fly in from around the country to see her and she is very down to earth but highly educated.
She does have a website, which does seem to be down, www.herplace.com. Her main office's phone number in Arizona is (520) 797-9131. You can call this number to get more information about her.
I hope you do try to find out about Dr. Vliet. She is excellant and really understands about women's hormones.
I'll be lookin' for ya. 
(yes I wish I was allowed one)