I'm with Anna, this is getting ridiculous. You ask us questions. Let me ask you one and please take it with all the respect I have for you.
What do you want to do?
We try and make things more complicated than they are sometimes, myself included. But (and I hate cliches) at the end of the day, what's best for Michelle and Hannah? Is it maybe worth struggling a little off the bat but not have to put up with what you are dealing with? Or is it to be comfortable and wonder if the verbal barrage is coming today or tomorrow or what?
Please don't do anything, make any decision based on "Well, Anna, DMF, or whoever says I should do this", but I'm starting to get a pit in my stomach when I read your posts.
Enough. Michelle, just please take care of yourself and Hannah first. That's it.
I agree with everyone else and I will tell you what everyone tells me...You have to decide what you want, not what he wants. It may be true that he is trying to push you to the point where you take action so he doesnt have to. I often think that my H tries the same thing (just not in the same manner yours does). Its only natural to be hurt by H's words, you are human, but dont let them get the better of you. You are the better person here. Many people have told me over the past few days to do alot of vindictive things because of H's latest antics (buying a motorcycle then leaving three days later) and my answer to them was why? Does that make him love me again? No it doesnt. In the end if things dont work out for me, I want him to look back and say MAN I F'ed up. Look at what I am missing. Not she was a bitch, etc. So be the better person here, no matter how hard it is. I am thinking of you.
I want to be happy....I want to be loved and appreciated. I guess that I always have a hope that he might change. I am starting to give up though. I feel now that the verbal abuse is getting out of hand. I don't deserve to be treated like this...I really am a loving and caring person that just wants happiness and love. I really feel like I am sick of trying and I don't know what to do now. I just hate that the entire DB thing was thrown in my face today...especially that he was making fun of me for trying it...and then read into it so that he knows what I am doing. I am so frusterated today.....AHHHHHHHH!
I wonder if it is possible that he made fun of your DBing because he feels bad about how selfish and mean he has been in the relationship? Perhaps it bothers him that you are so clearly taking the high road and he has so clearly taken the low? Distracting himself from thinking about his faults by tearing you down?
I don't know. I'm new to your situation and it is kinda dangerous to try to get in someone else's head even when you know them very well but...
Hang in there. Maybe this is just a one time thing or maybe not. I almost think that if he continues to tear you down for DBing that that supports my guesses.
I guess my opinion is different than some of the other posters. "Strike while the iron is cold." Don't make any decisions about ending the relationship until you've had some time to cool down and regroup a bit.
I spoke to H briefly last night. He spoke about how he wants to get a car and that he went looking for one. H also told me that when someone wants him to do something it pushes him in the other direction. H said that he needs space and then he calls me and texts me. This is what confuses me. He also told me that its none of my business on how he gets places and what he is doing. I didn't even ask him. With this behavior I feel that I should give him his space and hopefully that is time to think. I am thinking about his behavior and what I need to see if this is something that I should be dealing with and if I really want it. I don't understand why I am so forgiving when he has been so verbally rude. Okay...he just text messaged me to have a wonderful day! Isn't this confusing ! I am thinking that maybe he doesn't want to be together but is afraid to let it happen. I don't know!
Kind of new to all this myself but you seem to be on the same roller coaster ride as myself. One day my W is sending me TXT messages and calling me at the office just because then the next she is not talking to me. It is VERY frustrating.
Stay true to yourself - remember to have clear obtainble goals - i have tried to set these up for a week or 10 day duration - much longer than that and i loose patience.
As for his mocking your wanting to save your marriage with quotes from the book - i agree with the others - it does make me think an interesting thought - people want what they can't have - think about why you want to stay with your H. While my W hasn't done anything like that to me i put together a simple list...
I love her She is smart, caring and a wonderful mother She is beautiful - her smile is incredible and i could look into her eyes for hours She is funny and playful We compliement each other nicely and have very similar interests She is driven and a very hard worker I want to spend the rest of my life showing her that i am not a husband - i am a great husband
Its really sad but I don't see a whole lot of positives when I think about things. With H sometimes he says things and once he gave me a card stating that he loves me but then went off to be with OW for the weekend. I guess that my 180s and detaching aren't going very well. I think it will be a depressing list of negatives...Yikes!
Goals...(combined with 180s) One fun thing with D1 every day New toenail colour every week, for you and D1 Go buy some decadent food to keep in fridge Morning meditation Next time H starts being verbally abusive, smile knowingly and say 'Wow - you're really looking to push my buttons. What's up with that?' Party with Anna
Positives I'm blonde I'm cute I'm a fabulous mother I have the patience of a saint I am still sensitive and haven't let H make me hardened
You are good at that but I am not that positive about myself....but I will get better. My hardest thing right now is trying not to call H....I miss him and want him so bad....I think that I am crazy because he is so mean. I want to call him and I have nothing to say....Yikes!
