YES and I'm sick of it getting me nothing but a man who's happy to have his needs met while using "that's just the way I am" "that's what I bring to the table" "maybe you can find better out there" "I'm doing the best I can" "well that sux" "I show love in my own way" as his excuse for not attempting to speak mine.
My sister is in a relationship similar to yours except he's verbally abusive rather than emotionally abusive...as if either is fine (sorry).
Well it sounds as if you need to decide how long to stay with him in order to become finacially capable of leaving. I would suggest getting to a place where you can leave and get to where you have $ to support the kids on your own, put them in a good daycare and have a good place to live.
I can tell from your post that the m is not where you want to be...right? Can you picture yourself d'd, sharing custody, working, dropping off the kids at daycare, working late to pay the bill, maybe not getting the support you need from him etc..? I gather from your earlier posts that you've been at that point...can you deal with that kind of life?
If you want out, then start planning now to support yourself and the kids, get your ducks in a row and go.
No one here can force you stay or go...we only ask that you consider all the options involved with the d side and make the well informed decision. Some times it is better to go with the lesser of the 2 evils (staying married for the sake of the kids and financial support) rather than put yourself in a position where you can't afford to feed and clothe your kids. At least if you stay m you can live like you want like stay home, care for the kids, have your book club, etc...you know you only have to stay with h until the kids leave the home for lives of their own. You should decide where you want to go, be and do what you need to get there. What makes you happy? Certainly at this point it's not your m, so go and start building the foundation for your life as a single parent.
Either way..m or d you have the strength...i can tell after reading of the emotional abusive you've stood for so many years. What keeps you in your m? Is it the belief that your man will change? Why are you there?
If only for curiousity I would track down first affair woman and find out what he was like with her. I'm just so curious why he married you when, it, wasn't there and he could have had her???
But, if you don't care about the curiousity, then I would decide if you want to stay in the marriage simply for economic reasons and for the kids.
In that case I would find a lover of my own, put money away for the day the kids are out.
I did a little research into narcissism and though h does display many of the charectoristics I don't like to put people into boxes...helpful to have an idea of the what, why and how possibly to deal with but can't be sure as I'm not in a position to diagnose.
put money away for the day the kids are out.