JJ’s --------------------- I am attracted to out-of-shape ex-football player types and too-many-flapjacks-for-breakfast lumberjack types and any guy whose bigness makes him look kind of like a bear, but not guys who could be described as soft due to their overweight. --------------------- Men who use their muscles at some level, Alpha in personality, not the over weight guy (no exercise) behind the check out desk at the library are manly traits for JJ.
--------------------- habit of combing the hair on his leg unconsciously --------------------- JJ, Occasionally I see one UPS delivery lady that is about 30+# over weight, no visible make up, and has some hair on her legs. She is very friendly, acts like one of the guys, and everyone thinks she is a lesbian. The leg hair does not diminish my opinion of her sexiness because she acts so personable. I don’t see her under arms, but if she did not shave there, my opinion of her would be the same. In my mind she is a person who is motivated to serve “Her” customers and do the best job she can. I really like people that show motivation.
HP --------------------- All I want is for him to do the best that he can with what he's got. dress a little more fashionably….. wear cologne once in a while; I would feel better if he would take care of himself, because that would send the message to me that he is trying to appeal to ME. --------------------- HP I think I get that message at home. I was ignoring it sometimes. I am glad you wrote the above. It reinforces what I kind of hear at home. I will make a few changes you say you would like because I see the parallel between what you write and what BB says sometimes.
Julie33 --------------------- I complain that it is too hot or cold, tend to avoid outdoor activity etc. --------------------- Same here in the Lou house. W is too hot/cold, too cluttered, and on and on. Says if she had bigger boobs I would spend mort time with her and I am a guy that thinks attitude is more important than one’s physical makeup. My point (good attitude) does not sink in no matter what I say.
ZB --------------------- Her negative attitude about the weight does bother me though. I would have a hard time being attracted to (fill in your favorite sexy actress) if every compliment was deflected and if I had to endure a constant litany of complaints about how unattractive she was. -------------------- I think the same way ZB.
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach. Also green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" And Woman said, "As long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled. And God created the healthy yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy cake, named it "Angel Food Cake" and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the beautiful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super-size them!" And Satan said, "It is good!" And Man went into cardiac arrest.
Oh....the old weight debate once again. There are three options: 1) Be happy with how you look 2) Not happy but doing something about it 3) Complaining, whining and making excuses. Only choices one and two are attractive or productive.
I am simply more attracted to my W when she is thinner. I think most of us are. My W is very fortunate in that her height and body type allow her to carry an extra 25-30 lbs that only the two of us know about. Even with the extra weight I am attracted to her but it would be even more so if it wasn't there. Before I get my head chewed off for being a "perfectionist", let me explain. See, I think we are all guilty of it to a certain degree. My W claimed to be very attracted to me 20 lbs ago. However, now at 6'2" 195lbs and lifting weights three times a week she is all over me. No, I am not complaining at all. She also said she didn't like big muscular guys but the bigger my muscles get the more she touches me and gets that lustful look in her eyes. It seems to be that we find our mates attractive all the time but they get more attractive as their bodies get tighter. It is either the physical look or the "confidence" that goes with it that is so attractive. Personnally, I think it is a combination. All I know is that I am never too tired to go to the gym because I love the extra attention it is getting me at home. In fact, we have recently started to go to the gym together. That's just good all the way around!
Quote: if every compliment was deflected and if I had to endure a constant litany of complaints about how unattractive she was.
You may have already done this, ZB, but I would suggest that you prepare for her response the next time you give her a compliment and the tape of negativism cranks up, when she starts to wind down say something like:
"Sweetie, I have always thought you were beautiful and I would really appreciate it if you would simply accept my compliment with a 'thank you'. It comes from the heart and I find it painful when you reject it."
Or something like that.
We all get stuck in ruts in our relationships. If you find yourself having the same replay of not-so-very-productive scenarios, give some thought to how *you* (rhetorical you) can step out of the script. You may find that persistance in actively changing those verbal ruts, may eventually result in a changed response in your spouse.
My husband admitted to me about 7 years ago that my weight bothered him. We had two children and I did have on an additional 45-50 pounds. He told me that he just wasn't as attracted to me. At this point when he told me this it devastated me.
However what JJ said hit home for me. I think a big part of me held onto that weight because we were in a sex starved marriage. I knew attention from the opposite sex might be tempting. Although I do have very high morals in this area. But I have lost those 50 pounds and have had it off for 3 years. I am only like a size 3-4. But the kicker...it didn't do anything for his drive. In fact I find myself resentful now because I do get all this extra male attention and get hit on. Then I look at my husband who also has an additional 40 pounds on and has had this on a for a loooooon time also. Then I think boy he had a lot of nerve to judge me when he is over weight himself. The extra attention I get he also seems to be pissed off about but wouldn't dare say anything.
FOlks My STBX was a hottie and any weight however if I got the question "does this make me look fat? " I would immediate drop to the floor and fake a siezure.
Anyother action would ensure I'd be stating "Move over Rover big dawgs comin in"
You folks are over my head Best wishes
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
I've read that some women subconsciously become overweight because they don't want to be desired just for their bodies or conversely because they don't want to be rejected for their personalities
I can relate to this on somewhat of a personal level. Though I would not gain weight to avoid sex. (5'7 and average 116 -118 lbs)But I do dress frumpy at times wear my hair pulled back in a pony tail that is not all that attractive (40 and a pony tail) I have even chopped my hair off shorter then a boys within this last year. I seldom wear makeup anymore. Not to avoid sex but to know my H's love is based on my person not my looks. I want someone to love me for reasons that run deeper then my skin and hair and eyes. I want him to look at the real me. I am very confident of my sexuality and sensuality always have been but have also endured relationships and experiences that have been based on the superficial aspects. So I tend to be worry more in that line. I will admit that in the last year of just sitting around alot my stomach muscles have weakened and my skin has became a little loose across the stomach. Though I will still walk around the house vertually naked I am not as quick to wear a midriff out in public. I know my H will over look the pouch and feast on the skin exposure but I am not wanting to look like a 40 year old trying to be a 20 year old wanna be to the public. Shame to can not show of my dazzeling display of skin and Belly Button Rings anymore.
Now my H has a weight problem and though I have commented on it in the past never has it affected my desire level with him. I seldom really look at my H. It may take me days to realize he had a haircut and weeks to realize he lost or gained 10 lbs I am not that interested in what he looks like I am more interested in what he acts like.(not just him I seldom notice any males attractiveness when I do it actually startles me). But I do know that his own weight does not affect his sexuality but does affect his self confidence in other areas.
I like the open forum generalized question idea Lil.
I am only like a size 3-4. But the kicker...it didn't do anything for his drive. In fact I find myself resentful now because I do get all this extra male attention and get hit on. Then I look at my husband who also has an additional 40 pounds on and has had this on a for a loooooon time also. Then I think boy he had a lot of nerve to judge me when he is over weight himself. The extra attention I get he also seems to be pissed off about but wouldn't dare say anything. 
You folks are over my head Best wishes