I do love my husband with all my heart. But tonight I sit here with swollen eyes and a broken heart. I am just wore out tonight and needing to vent. In the last two days I have worked 18 hours. Both nights on my feet and no break. So I am sure exhaustion is playing a part right now.
But tonight I get home from work and notice this e-mail from friendfinder or something. Soooo I check the history. While at work my husband was on the computer and signed up yet again at some personal sex site. Saying he is......40 and HORNY is his title. Looking for a one on one encounter with a woman. He says he is looking for someone interested in messing around without any commitments, for right now.
Here he has a beautiful wife that loves him and has been hurting over his lack of drive for years. But he is 40 and horny!!! I have landed this really good job and could support my children myself. I am ready to call it quits. Seeing this was such a slap in the face. I don't know what more I can try.
I don't have any advice I feel I can give you, but I wanted to let you know you have my support and many (((((((((HUGS))))))))).
You know my sitch, so I really can understand the hurt, anger, and devastation you must be feeling right now. I don't think there's anything worse than knowing your spouse has looked elsewhere for companionship.
I'm very sorry, cally, that I don't have much to give. You've been a tremendous help to me. Just try to remain calm for now so you don't risk doing anything out of anger and frustration that you might regret later.
You are in my thoughts, sweetie.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
I feel so bad for you. I had a few different thoughts regarding this.
1) Your H might not have really been looking to hook up with someone. Some "dating" sites require you to sign up in order to just look at more pages or see information about other people who signed up. He might have just been curious.
2) He is acting irrationally in an attempt to repair his wounded ego. He is deeply ashamed of being LD and is hoping some sexual variety will make him feel HD again and thereby restore his ego.
3) I know you are really hurting but in some ways hitting bottom like this can be an opportunity for growth or change. This is your time to be a "woman in her power" and really figure out for yourself what you want/need from your relationship and stand strong.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
((((((((((((((((((Cally)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I don't have much to offer for advice. You have been a constant source of hope for me. I hope that your suspicions are incorrect, or that one of JJ's scenarios is at work here.
Please try to get some rest, and really think this through. There is a chance that with clearer eyes, you may like what you see even less.
It is truly painful to find out about infidelity. Stay strong. I know you can make it through this. You are in my prayers.
Cally I am really really sorry. I went through that exact same thing six years ago when I found a subscription to one of these services. I was furious and he explained he was simply curious. Stupidly I believed. A year later he met a couple of those women and I found out. He said no affair, just meeting. We worked on our marital issues and I thought we had built a stronger marriage. Five year fast forward and suddenly I have discovered that for nearly 10 years he has been visiting prostitutes. A lot of our issues stem from his unhappiness with his life in general but some also come from issues in our relationship.
If I could redo my life, I would be far more insistent on figuring out what was going on the first time I saw that he had logged onto these websites. This does mean the end of your marriage but it certainly is a wakeup call. I apologise for projecting from my own experience... but I do remember the pain and feel really bad for you. DeepBlue
I'm so sorry to hear this....that would hurt so bad! Especially when he's told you before he wasn't looking. Have you printed off what you have to confront him with it? Or perhaps pull it up on the computer screen....leave it there and put a post-it-note on the screen that says...."we need to talk".
IMPO....you do need to confront him with "proof". It's going to be awfully hard for him to deny his actions now. Now, maybe he hasn't actually seen anyone yet....but the "intent" from his email says he wants to. You need to let him know YOU know about this.....and that there are consequences for what he's choosing to do.
What strikes me is that he really didn't make much effort to hide his actions...it's like he wants to get caught. He just seems like a lost soul who is striking out at you...he needs some serious confronting. I think it's a good idea to have an exit plan...sometimes that's what it takes for change to occur. At any rate, take good care of yourself...huggs to you.
Quote: 1) Your H might not have really been looking to hook up with someone. Some "dating" sites require you to sign up in order to just look at more pages or see information about other people who signed up. He might have just been curious.
This is true about being curious. But this is the second time he did this with this particular site.
JJ you gave great advice and as always gave me things to think about.
