Just a wee bit about my situation- Married almost 13 years, 3 kids, H is a cross-addicted alcoholic. He got busted for a felony assault on a cop and 1st poss. of MaryJane after a night of heavy drinking and a fight with the host. He was on an alcohol tether for four months up until his trial. He confessed to drinking "a beer" about a month into his tether, and was smoking, too. I filed in February after much debate. I had told him I couldn't be with him if he was drinking. He's in rehab now, and seems to have turned a corner in his thinking. He professes his deep love for me, with promises to change. His letters from rehab are quite persuasive, almost emotionally manipulative. Lies have been a huge saboture in our relationship. Do I call off the divorce? How can I be sure? I would love some feedback on the situation. P.S.- I do love him-
First of all, welcome to the BB. You came to the right place. May I suggest you start in the Newcomers forum? You'll get a lot more attention over there, and a feedback from old-timers as well as from people who are going through this crazy process at the same time as you.
One thing "we" always ask of Newcomers is to define your short-term as as well as your long-term goals. Another thing is to accept that what we do here is change ourselves, since that's the only thing we can change. You'll be asked time and again to change yourself, even when you feel that you're the aggrieved party. It's really hard, but we're all still standing!
Read some threads before you get going, so you get a sense of what the process is. Have you read Divorce Remedy? Another must.
You'll find some of the most understanding and supportive people you'll ever meet here on this BB. It's a godsend for most, and an enormous resource for effecting change in your own life so that you can get what you want from your M.
Welcome to a high adventure. We are really sorry that you have found yourself in this situation, but if you are willing you are in for a great time in self-discovery.
There are a few of us that are dealing with addicts and our attraction to them. Lots of issues to explore. But like JB suggested, read the threads, read Divorce Remedy and post. You can use it as a journal, post questions, ask for suggestions and sometimes just vent.
My personal opinion is that promises made from prison and rehab are not very credible, since it is pretty easy to be strong, sober or faithful with 24 hour supervision.
What strengths did you find in your marriage? Was substance abuse always an issue? How old are the kids?
What do you see as YOUR part in the problems of the marriage? What goals do you have now?
Desdamona
Arguing with reality is like trying to teach a cat to bark—hopeless. (Byron Katie)
