Hey guys thanks for the support but I better update you all as the rollercoaster just picked up speed. OW rang me on Friday to give me an earful about H and S9. She said I cannot use S9 as blackmail tool and she was sick of seeing H so sad over his son. Well that was it the bull was let out of the gate and I just charged. (Angel you will love this) NOT STICKING TO THE RULES I KNOW but nonetheless:- Me to OW - Understand this you bi$$ch for 5 months I have stood back and said zero on this whole thing for the sake of my sons future. I wanted my H and I to remain friends and both be able to do things with our son. As for you sticking your nose into my childs business well that is the final straw. You have fu$king cheek to ring me up and tell me what to do at fifty Fu$king one I would have thought you would have more sense but obviously not. It is bad enough that you would fu#k a married man in the first place but add to that that you did if for 3yrs says alot about the type of character you are as for interferring in his life with his child well that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. You are the one fu#king with his head at the moment one moment you are on and the next your are not I couldn't give a damn what you decide as you will never ever know what he is doing at my place or when he is there. You think you can't trust him now just wait and you keep the fu#k out of my business in regards to my S because if you interfere you will only succeed in making things worse. My H does not want to go thru the courts and is happy with him and I working things out ourselves but if you push things and tell him like your telling me you have that he should go thru the courts then bring it on sweetheart but make sure you tell my H what your doing as he will not be happy about it. Him and I years ago did this for 5yrs with his other S and it nearly killed him as that woman was a non-access mother and the things she did my H would never want to go thru that again so you keep pushing and we will see who pays in the end. Do not ring me or contact me again as I have nothing to say to a lowlife cheating middle aged cow like yourself. Butt out of my life and worry about your own. Keep taking your fu#king drugs to get thru the day but take more so you are incapable of ringing me and annoying me now GOODBYE..... .......I tell you I felt alot better for getting it all off my chest. So the next morning when H was there I told him about it and said I don't care what you and her do but leave our son out of it. He said it really doesn't matter as we are not together (him & OW) and I said well tell her to leave me the fu#k alone. Anyway everything was fine H had coffee we went and signed forms and he left. Then he picked me and S up for footy the next morning. He had a coffee first and S asked if he could come for tea on his birthday, H said he would love to but he was working on the Tuesday night so S said how about Wednesday and H said Yep O.K that would be fine if it's alright with your mum. I said yes of course. On the way to footy I asked H what he would like for tea and he told me we went to sons footy and had a good time and I said to H you seem alot happier today and he said well yeh OW and I are working it out as of last night. I said Oh good I am glad you are happy just dont tell me details. That was all that was said. H dropped us home after footy and my mobile rang about 1 hour later and it was H saying I have some bad news......I am not allowed to come on Wednesday night (WTF) I said what and he said OW will not allow me to go and I said you are joking aren't you and he said it is too difficult she doesn't trust me or you and if you are going to be there I am not allowed to go. I said fine you have chosen her over your son I wont give you grief that is fine and he said Look I am really sorry I want to come but at the moment I have to prove to her I can be trusted as you and I have done the wrong thing in the past. I said stiff [censored] that was not our sons fault anyway if you are going allow her to control you like that then fine. Later I sent him a text saying look now that someone else is controlling sitch that has nothing to do with her it is now time to make things different, we will set up access times and stick to them we will not be friends you can pick up and drop off S in drive and you and I have no more contact, that will make it easier with OW and S will have routine and have to get used to it....... I can't believe that this has happened like this he has no balls at all so looks like I am now going to become the bi$ch from hell but he deserves it he is not a father's ar$e hole if he is going to allow this when him and I had said no matter what we had to get along for Sons sake. So there you have it thats my update pretty stuffed isn't it......DKD
So what if it's "Anti DB". Like Booger said to Tom Cruise in Risky Business..."Sometimes you've just gotta say 'What the F**k!'" And you sure did that today!! I can't remember whose thread I read it on but they said that DBing doesn't mean you have to let people Sh** on you. Well, you know what?, they're right.
I'm sorry you had such a bad day down there but hey, it can only get better, right? .
I knew i liked you but now i luv ya . BAD DBING,BAD DBING!! Sometimes i wonder how something that makes you feel so good is so bad (that sentence doesn't sound too good but referring to giving OW what for and nothing more...nothing is about all i'm getting these days )
Quote: the rollercoaster just picked up speed.
sounds like it flew right off the track it got going so FING fast!!!
Now down to being serious though...hope you feel much better because i sure the H@@@ did when i did it. Something to be said about letting go of pent up anger at OW.
I understand how frustrating it is when H say they want to remain friends for the sake of the kids and we go ok but do they even treat us as good as they treat their friends...not mine. I guess we as the mothers of our children have to know that when they say they want to be there for all the footy games, bdays, and all the other things that entail a childs life we have to know that most times (Anna you're a lucky one) they are just blowing smoke up our A$$e$ just like they say they will never have an A. They do what is right for them and only them...SELFISH...don't they realize what an effect the A has on our children too...no they don't care. They want to live their little dream life with the OW and whatever the OW says goes....you know the OW is the one that is better than us according to them!!!
Quote: I am not allowed to come on Wednesday night (WTF) I said what and he said OW will not allow me to go
H sounds like her kid not her MAN...my god was he even the least bit embarrASSed telling you this? I think i myself would have come up with a better line.
Quote: I have to prove to her I can be trusted as you and I have done the wrong thing in the past.
Hello...anyone home????? Isn't this what he should be telling her about you? Our H must have conversations together as everytime i read your post i can picture my H....are you sure your not the OW in my sitch...sounds like we're talking about the same man here Kim...(kidding of course)
I feel so bad for you and i know what the hurt feels like so lets lets get back on the mountain again (i think everyone else is way ahead of us with our OW outbursts of late hahaha) My little mountain goat A$$ is getting sore from all my backsliding and lets dance our way up to everyone else this week...no more backsliding or i'm not going to have a backside soon. Everytime I want to do or say something to H first i'm going to think of you my twin and think....what would she do (answer=the same as you Angel hahaha)so don't do it!!! You think the same and we will make it and save our BUTTS (we'll learn from each other this week instead of trying to be more like Sister twins hahaha)
One last thing in regards to a schedule with son "do it, they end up hating it" because when OW wants to do something you can say sorry the schedule is ----and you knew so you'll just have to deal with it (yah big talker me..like my H and his golfing yesterday so i had kids instead of him...part of my 180 though he says im not flexable...i'll show him flexable ) Cheers****to us and our week of living, laughing and learning.
Hey Dodger and Angel thanks for your support guys. I spoke to H before yes I rang him and I promise this is the last time ever not that I do it all that often but the convo went something like this: M: Hi just wanted to speak to you Re: Access arrangement, don't want to argue just want to say what I need to make arrangements and that's it, is that O.K. with you. H: Yeah that's fine. M: O.K I am really disappointed that I have been pushed into having to make these arrangements I always thought you and I would remain friends. Especially when you know that I grew up with parents that didn't speak and how much it affected me all thru my life even on our Wedding day. H: Yes I remember M: Good then you know how hard this is for me but as you are allowing OW to control you and as OW will not let you spend anytime with me around, I feel it will be best for all concerned that you pick son up at 5.45 every Friday night and you tell me a time that you will drop him off on a Saturday and we will stick to that arrangement always. If you can't have him for some reason well you just miss out for that week. For 5 months I have been very understanding of your life and your affair but I am not able to do this anymore when you have chosen her over your son. I will not lie to our son, I will try and soften the blow but he needs to understand how this came about and sadly for him he needs to get used to a routine. I am sorry you don't feel able to stand up to OW but this was your choice and this is the only way I can deal with it all. H: I am not happy with this but I don't see that I can do anything about it as I can see both sides. M: Well OW really shouldn't matter where son is concerned but as she does in your eyes you have made your choice, you are an adult an able to stand up for yourself and if you choose not to stand up to her over your son that is fine you just have to live with your decision. H: I guess so (sounding very dejected) M: I am really sorry H I didn't want this, anyway if you just toot on a Fri in the drive I will send son out and what time will you be bringing him back on a Sat. H: At 12.30 M: O.K. that is fine that's what we will stick to from now on. If you can't have him one Fri just put a note in his backpack and we will miss that week. H: Can't we make other arrangements on those times. M: No I don't think so, I think it is better if you and I don't speak anymore so if we stick to these arrangements we never need to speak or have any contact. That will make things easy for you and OW and that's what you want. H: Well if you think so. M: As I said I am not happy about it but I have to do what I feel is best and that is what I am doing time to move on so I hope you keep well and I will let you go. H: O.K. bye. That was it, I know I sound awful but I have made so many allowances and he needs to understand that he made this decision.....So guys I have just jumped one huge level on that mountain, hey sis give me your hand I will pull you up. Don't get me wrong I am very upset at all this but what can I do????I can be a doormat for ever or I can shake it off and GAL. So I chose GAL. So here I come watch out Anna I might accidentally knock you over as I run past, although I have along way to go and my energy is a bit depleted at the moment. I will stick to my fantasy land and be a child and read the new Harry Potter book and forget my problems. (How childlike is that) I don't care though as I love those stories. S9 loves them too so I think I will sit down and read it to him as it is just a bit too much for him just yet.......DKD
Kim - as much as I hate to see you standing in my shoes, I have to say you did good. You drew your line in the sand, said what needed to be said and that's it, all you have to do now is stick to your guns and I wish you luck. I would love to tell you your ride is almost over, but now the hard part really begins.
Seems your H is just as much a coward as mine - cant do or think $hit for himself lol!!!!! Your H is in a catch 22 and he's going to hang himself. OW may be making all these demands on your H, but he doesnt seem to be putting much pressure on you (I mean as far as telling you "YOU WILL DO THIS OR THAT") - you stand your ground, he ends up agreeing saying 'I know your right, and yes I know we said we'd be friends and we will.' and thats how the convo ends.
Now do you even think he's going to tell OW that he has no spine and that you said no, so thats that????!!! hell no! he's gonna lie his a$$ off and tell her some off the wall thing to get her off his back, or he'll turn it into some horrible showdown you had in the kitchen. But the backfire to that is either way she KNOWS he's lying to her.........................which is why she's making more demands, which is why she calling you. She's desperate because she cant trust him and she will do whatever it takes to make him 'faithful' to her and only her. You would have thought the whole 'I'm married but ok just this once' would have been a clue??
Hang tight chick! do for you and S, and f*ck the stupid stuff.
Hey Kim Just finished reading your post and boy did i just get a slap in the face of reality. Oh how alike we are. Please don't take this the wrong way because you just made me see what it is i do and i am telling you so you can stop with me..Twins
In your convo with H you talk and talk and talk and explain and explain and say why and bring up OW. Just like ME You just made her the whole focal point of your whole sitch just like i do. Now i am understanding what i do so maybe now i can stop it. The whole time YOU had this convo with your H he said almost nothing but look at all you said, just like me and mine too funny that it has taken me so long to figure this out but now i have to watch out HONEY your wife is now armed and dangerous. Please i hope i didn't hurt your feelings and if i did i'm really sorry.
Go back to one of my posts with a convo i had with H now that i have pointed it out and see if you know what i mean.
I think we may have just taken some of the invisible control our Hs have over us....YEH!!!
Let me know what you think and again sorry if i offended you as that is not my intent.
Hellkat thanks mate - I knew you would get it, whilst it goes against Dbing to have said what I did to H, I don't really care at the moment. The fact that he is choosing OW over our son is what made me snap and think O.K. that's it time to draw the line and stop accepting everything as I don't deserve it. So as far as I am concerned I have said what I needed to say told him how it is going to be and that is on my terms as he has had it his way during this whole thing. My understanding is gone as I do not intend on having another conversation with him. Angel whilst our sitch's are similair I tend to disagree with you this time only. I am not upset just want to put my side across. I did ring H and I did do most of the talking but from my point I said what I needed to say explained why, told him I didn't want this but that he had forced my hand with his decision. Kept calm and nice and told him I didn't want to argue that he was a grown adult and responsible for his own decision's and I knew this was hard for him but ultimately he made his decision. I also told him to explain this to OW so she knew she had helped force my hand. The reason I am not worried about this and that he had nothing to say is cause I don't really care. If that is the kind of decision he can make he is not who I thought he was and I will cut him out of my life. I do not intend on having anything else to do with him period. Yes I still love him but not enough for this to be O.K. so the way I see it is he lives his life the way he chooses he chose her and now he can have her soley. Should he split up from her and want to change things, it will depend on how long from now that is but he will need to work on me for me to change my mind and I can't see that that is going to happen. Dbing has served me well and it nearly worked for me but I am now going to control myself and my son the same way the H is controlling his life. You can't control anyone else and I don't intend to. I hope this makes you understand where I am coming from Angel and remember I am not the least upset with what you wrote. Hellkat knows as she has been in a similair sitch and she drew the line in the sand herself and has remained strong since even though it can be hard for her at times. She still has some limited contact with WAS I don't intend to. i know this will greatly depend on him but that is my intention. I will remain on these boards as I am sure it will not go completely to plan so I will be venting but I will more importantly be checking in on everyone else. Onward and Upwards from here......DKD
O.K. I've done it again......Given my sitch and my new start I have made my name something unique to me and nothing to do with my sitch so this name will never need to be changed.....DesperateKim TO DesperateKimDisolving TO.. KimDownUnder that way I will never have to change my name again.....Thank god I hear you all say.....Hehehehe just like to keep you all on your toes...no it is the one I will keep now it's my new beginning......KDU
Hey Kim, I was meaning (and maybe i didn't get it across right)you tell H something and then give him the reason why you've made the decision. H says a few more words...(never explaining anything back) You then tell H another point, and why you are thinking or feeling this. H responds with 4-5 more words and so on and so on. Instead of us just saying "ok we need a schedule, you pick up S on Friday at 5:45 and bring him home sat at whatever time is good for you" We say" we need to set up a schedule to pick up S because OW has now had her input into sitch and i never thought we would go this way...remain friends..but now...so on and so on."
What i was meaning is that we talk too much and give them too much info and they say their little bit and move on to listening (pretending to listen?)to our long drawn out explanations for why we are making our decisions...and they go onto auto pilot.
I dont know if i am making sense to you but as Oprah says "i just had a light bulb moment!!!" thanks to you.
I understand what you are saying and good luck....you are strong and will make it through all this.
.
. BAD DBING,BAD DBING!! Sometimes i wonder how something that makes you feel so good is so bad