HairDog, BB is pleasant to be around most of the time but she goes through spells where men are controling, men want to limit women's spirit, and women don't need men for anything. I just wish she would give specific examples what she sees wrong about men/wonen relationships. But she rerely cites an example I can relate to. She will cite some drunk encounter but I only have 1 beer about once a month.
You can tell I'm feeling a bit on the end of my rope these days. Sorry things are not going better for you. I have hope for a couple of days then something happens or does not happen correctly and most of the progress is washed down the tube. Reading the books and posting here has helped me sooth my feelings better when I get upset, and I have learned how to ask for more of what I want, but it is frustrating at times to see the little real progress we have made.
It's good I am not with Mrs HD and her "you can have sex when you quit being needy or don't want it so bad." I think I would have had a trial seperation by now. It seems that is the only thing some women and men understand.
Some men get angry (men's speciality) and I think women's speciality is control. I call it gate keeping. Women (and some men) control (when, how often, time of day etc) when the sex gate opens and closes.
If you see me doing something wrong or right let me know.
I am new to BB and your sitch breaks my heart. How does one go on for 36 years? I have been married for 8 years to a LDH. Some years better than others, but the last year has been a downward spiral. I don't feel like the differences in our sex drives is reason enough to leave but how the hell do you stick it out for that long? Forever??? I feel so lonely now, I can't imagine how you are feeling.
I will say though for BB's sake, shopping can be a sign of something missing emotionally...I shop to fill the void in my marriage.
Wishing you the best-DN
"I just want to live happily-ever-after every now and then." Jimmy Buffett
darling_nicki welcome to the SSM forum. There are lots of good people here. Sorry you are in a situation and feel so lonely.
How does one go on for 36 years Fron 1968 to about 1981 sex was very good. I will admit I worked too much at home and BB was lonely many nights but we usually ML 2X or 3X a week if she was interested. In 1981 I had back surgery and things started to really go down hill. Not much sex for a couple of monthe then gradually getting back to 1X a week unless something happened. BB had a hystorectomy, then breast cancer (pea sized) took anti-hormone drugs, got depressed, and just lost all personal interest in sex.
The shopping started in earnest about 4 years ago so we argued a lot then and I said I had it about 1.5 years ago. About a year ago I found this site and have been working on me and the M and thought things were improving around Jan of 05 but then the UTI's kicked in.
This forum helps me but it makes matters worse for my W/BB. She hates the internet and I do tend to spend too much time on the net. My house needs de-cluttering from my business inventory (I work at home 80% of the time) and some of the things BB bought need new homes.
So here I am. Sometimes things are better, other times I want to go on vacation by myself for a month.
I have to do home repairs.
Again welcome to the forum. Please start a thread and pst your marrital history with as much information as possible. The more we know, the more we can help you. I did read your post to Michele.
Hi OG, On SuperDave's thread, you asked about the liberator pillows (incidentally, I learned about them from another poster on this board who hasn't been around lately):
Quote: eyesopened, I am guseeing by looking at the slides, the wedge shaped pillows would be the most versatile for regular face to face positions.
We have the wedge and the ramp. The wedge gets the most use because it's more accessible since we keep it under the bed. If I could only have one of these pillows, it would be the wedge, but the ramp is nice, too, and next on our wish list is the scoop. We've used pillows since the beginning of our relationship but these work better for us than bed pillows and help with our height difference in some face to face positions since he's 5'11" and I'm 5'4", and "face to face" for us is inches from each other so we can kiss and whisper or talk softly to each other.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. C. S. Lewis
Lou, This is in response to Jo's thread regarding the bloke/meathead issue:
First of all.....do you always take things so literally? Do you ever joke about anything? I was not meaning anything any more disparaging than Jo, yet, you decided to attack my statement. You are constantly alluding to the fact that you think I hate men. Not true at all and I'm tired of defending myself to you on this issue.
I was annoyed by your last post to me insinuating many things that I found insulting. I believe that this is the first time I've ever posted on "your" thread. There are many things here that I could comment on but don't think it would be productive for either of us.
If I've misconstrued anything you've posted to me, I'm truly sorry, however, I and others "do" feel like you are attacking me or calling me out on the carpet because I state my feelings and there are times when you don't understand that I'm being sarcastic or joking.
Qoe100 I am a serious guy. And not being face to face how does one determine what is a joke or what is real. I respond to what is there , not wanting to add or take away from what a person wrote. One of my former jobs was to not add to or take away from what a resident said so it would stand up in court.
When you said you would give away or ???? your daughter for using something of yours, I imagined that to be an overstatement and not your real intention. So yes, sometimes I do see the the humor in things. If someone said "I told you a million times" I know that is an overstatement. But if someone said "I told him 20 times I take that at face valur or an approximation.
You are constantly alluding to the fact that you think I hate men. It's not that I think you hate men but you seem/say to have higher standards tham the average person and use stronger words than most people when something does not meet your standard or what fits your lifestyle.
Eventhough I may come across as calling you on being slightly particular, I do see value in your trait. Maybe I should be more like you and quit settling for good enough.
there are times when you don't understand that I'm being sarcastic or joking. You are right, I don't always know. Sometimes I do see the joking.
There is a lady up the street (business associate's mother) that kind of talks like you write and I don't know when she is joking or saying what she thinks is real. Her H and son don't know either. I usually don't say much to her other than Hi. Sometimes it is difficult to not ask about the elephant in the front yard when I see my friend.
Qoe100, My main reason for being on thes board it to learn how to have better a relationship with BB and other people. I can see I don't fit in to some circles and that is the way life is.
I was annoyed by your last post to me insinuating many things that I found insulting. Sorry for insulting you. That was not my intent. I just saw somethings differently (as you wrote it) and if adjusted to your style of writing, maybe I would see them as you do.
BTW, thanks for posting on my thread as I don't want to cause Jo to become side tracked. She really has enough on her plate and it's good her book deal is progressing.
Quo, he's very literal AND he has a sense of humor. He also has a great dedication to seeing things from other people's perspective. He's a mensch, a really good and decent guy. He's not perfect, but he's definitely not a jerk.
RE: SD He's not perfect, but he's definitely not a jerk....(That'll be $5, Lou)
Well SD, that was worth $5 and more because I laughed at the $5 part. You do have a witty streak. Not to ignore the rest of your post, it was correct, the humorous part seemed to lift my spirits.
He also has a great dedication to seeing things from other people's perspective. That is about what I was doing. Saying "blokes" might seem selfcentered at times but they were not "meatheads".
Ioavvs thread Definition of Bloke Definition of 'Bloke' A bloke is a person of male species, usually over the age of 21 and more than likely over the age of 35 with fairly rugged appearance but usually nice manners, except when watching football, in which case he then turns into a swearing foul mouthed beast. During such times he is accompanied by a can of beer, or more.
Common job types for a 'bloke' are builder, painter, gardener, DIY man, machanic. Ocassionally if he is the slightly more educated type of bloke, he will be an office manager and spend his life hollering at all 'his' workers and peering up the skirt of his secretary every time she walks passed him.
SD, I often read your situation with P and wonder if I would have the same stick-to-it dedicatioin as you seem to have. I also read your post to others and see if what you write has something I can use, IE does some of it apply to my situation if I modify some parts.
Hi Lou - I just wanted to tell you about a new poster in MLC called Gary2. He thinks his W has a "shopping addiction". Maybe you could shed some light on his sitch and give your input?
I don't really know how to link threads but my attempt is above
Have a great day, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
SP1 I posted to Gary2's thread and put some links to my thread. If I can show him some things to avoid, things that are smoke and mirrows, or help with some books to read or just let him know others have this problem, that is good. Thanks for the tip SP1.
About Me: When I see a bumper stickes that reads "Born to Shop" that gets translated in my mind to "Hay World, I Waste/Throw Money Away" or "I Have to Have Things I Don't Need". I don't have any problen with having quality items, just with excessive amounts.
