H has been calling to "check in" (his words) and let me know what is up. We both have been working late since it is the end of school. He has IM the last two days. This morning he came out to give me hug before I left. He had been busy, so I just left and didn't seek him out to hug him. He seemed to be in a good mood last night. I thought the closer it got to the end of school, the more depressed he would be become but I haven't seen that yet.
Will keep giving him space and be loving to him. Sherry
Sherry - Need some insights on what to expect. My H had not moved out, but he said he has broken off with the OW. He said he needed some time alone to get over his loss. Also, kept on thinking of her...being with her in a faraway place. I don't know what to expect or do? Should I just ignore him and continue with my PMA and GAL? Problem is I cannot totally ignore him because he would get upset.
I would suggest giving him lots of space. I have read where there is a grieving process when that relationship ends. For me, I don't ask any questions, am supportive, and loving. I do see some positives in my sitch. My H is also going to counseling too.
Definately keep up your PMA. You still want to DB and look like the best choice. You want to draw your H back.
I will be honest, sometimes this is harder than before. You think that when it is over with ow, that they will be back and working on your M. But, it doesn't happen that way. You have to keep DBing and work even harder than before. Get rid of any expectations you have. Give him time and space. Continue your 180s, be happy, and loving. Follow his lead, if he seems comfortable then what you are doing is probably on the mark. If he seems uncomfortable, then you are probably trying too hard.
I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.
Oh, one more thing--H went to the movies with S9 and me yesterday. It has been awhile since he has done the family thing. Usually all we do is go out to eat and that is about it. Also (make that two more things--LOL) H seems to be coming around more when we are home--hanging out in the living room with us.
What do I do with outings? Do I ask him to go? Or just inform him of our plans? I would just tell him what you are planning and then leave it up to him if he wants to join you or not.
Do I ask if he is coming back for dinner? Or just wait for him to inform me? I would just make dinner like you normally do and if he is there he joins you, if not you eat without him.
Do I call him and ask him about his day at work? Or just wait till he calls me, and then be nice and cheerful? I would wait until he calls you. I rarely call my H anymore. He does the calling most of the time.
Do I inquire about his work and stuff? I can ask questions? Except not those relating to our R and his OW? I do ask questions but my H usually tells me about his day. I would ask when you see him, if seems willing to talk, then asks questions. If he seems like he doesn't want to talk, then let it go. Take his lead on things for now.
Do I act as-if there was NO OW at all? Yes, I would. I know that is hard. I have no idea what the sitch is with the ow right now. I don't even check the cell phone bill. My H said he needed to end it slowly and his way. Yes, that was hard to swallow. But, I think this along with being loving and giving him space seems to be working. It is a slooooow road, but I see glimpse of my old H every now and then.
As I said before, I don't question anything. I know alot of people have a hard time with that, but it does seem to be working. He does call to let me know what he is doing. Like the book says, take the pressure off, completely off. It goes against our nature to do that, but it does seem to work.
This is just what I am doing at the moment and what is working for me. I haven't been GAL but focusing on my R with God. That is what has helped me get through this and has kept me going.
!