This total lack of trust you have towards your Husband has been going on for years. When are you planning on letting it go? I am sorry but are not going to enjoy this new life with your Husband if you continue to question every single thing that happens. Not every realtionship ends up in piecing!! As for the off colored email joke...get over it! It was sent to a bunch of people, not specifically to your Husband from a FF or OW. You need to maybe find a sense of humor and laugh about it, loosen up and stop being so uptight. Did he change the password on a joint account you share? Then casually ask him for it. Maybe he just forgot to tell you. Men do these things, it is not all about secrets and lies, they can be forgetful. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop is going to make you anxious and neurotic. You will build your own wedge in this relationship because of your own behavior. I know because I did it too. You have been DBing for far too long to not be able to recognize this behavior. Next week is Valentines Day.... Why not plan something nice for your Husband, and do a 180 and let him see the beautiful woman he married, you remember the fun one, who loves her Husband.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Thank you for taking the time to read my background and respond. I appreciate the much needed 2 x 4! At first I was taken aback by your response but it is perhaps what I needed to hear. Definitely a lot to think about. Yes, it's a joint home account. I am planning on doing a 180 and not mention anything unless he does. I think I need to get back to basics with DB. For me personally, once things start to go well I slide back into old habits, etc. Everything happens for a reason, IMO, so I will use this to learn and get back on the DB track. Thanks, again for your feedback.
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
SP1, Honey, I am sorry if I offended you in any way, BUT you have to stop being afraid. Why are you still so fearful? When he came home did you really get things back on track and actually talk OR were things swept under the rug because you were afraid to make waves? As for your email account, do you use it regularly? Can't you casually just ask for the password and be upbeat? Something is amiss here. Why would NOT asking for your password be a 180? So, whatcha planning on doing for your Husband for Valentines Day? What would REALLY be a 180?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
It's partly my nature to be a worry wort, which is something I've been working on changing. H never left and yes, we did sweep whatever may or may not have happened under the rug. All I know is during the bomb time in '03, H had a secret FF which I found out about. I suspect an EA but don't really know the extent of anything...The e-mail I don't really use anymore, so it's not really something for me to ask about. H started using it for his work as he does some work from home and I have my work e-mail. It's a 180 for me because one of the things I did before was bug him with questions like who did you eat lunch with today or who was at the meeting today, etc. By me not mentioning anything it is something different than past behavior. Small 180 for me but it's a step. Re: Valentine's Day - I was thinking of picking up dinner at H's favorite restaurant on my way home from work. We leave the following day for a short trip out of town so I will try to make the most of the trip. H isn't big on holidays esp. after his mlc so I don't want to go over the top. I bought 2 small gifts and a cute card...Thanks again, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Well, it's finally over. I really tried for 4 plus years to DB but it was not meant to be.
At the end of this summer, I caught H in a parking lot with an ow. After that, I was able to confirm that the FF (co-worker) I always suspected was both an EA and PA. I filed the Monday after I caught him and I am trying to move forward with my own life now. I feel that my M did not have a chance with his untreated Alcoholism. The disease won.
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Just a clarification for anyone who has read this whole saga...the EA/PA was with the exff (secret friendship I discovered during the 1st bombs in '03). I tried to pull up those posts but they no longer exist. Perhaps a good thing.
The recent ow/skank is someone who I have no idea is. The only thing I know is her first name as H said "This is skank's name" and drove off. He did not return until the next morning and acted as if nothing had happened. I believe his mlc-like symptoms were really the Alcoholism progressing. Left untreated he really has nothing to offer this ow/skank. I had to save myself.
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
I believe I know who you are, after reading the initiation of this new thread. You and I have been around these parts before, and as I recall, you really helped a lot of people around here, including me.
I'm so sorry things came to this point for you, but I agree with and support your decision. If the alcoholism is that far down the road, there really isn't anything you can do, and you need to stay healthy and take care of you.
But don't forget that DR is still a win-win sitch for you! Look at all the great and wonderful R skills you have learned here! Take care of yourself and get through the D, and then go out and find the man of your dreams, someone who really deserves the wonderful you you have become.
You and I have been around these parts before, and as I recall, you really helped a lot of people around here, including me. 
Look at all the great and wonderful R skills you have learned here! Take care of yourself and get through the D, and then go out and find the man of your dreams, someone who really deserves the wonderful you you have become. 