So H's boxes are packed and we've had no contact for a couple of days now. I live between the town that has him and OW and his new church and the town that has his new graduate school. I'm only up here in this part of the country because this is where he came to go to graduate school and I moved to be with him. I USED to enjoy my job but I have no energy or interest in anything anymore. My first inclination is to move away as far and fast as I can, even before finding a new job - just run home to the south and stay with relatives until I figure out what next. I THINK I've let go of that thought, as friends and my therapist said I should. I have no kids, just a dog. I'm surrounded by opportunities to run into him, OW and church members on all sides of me, doing just about anything. I already do nothing but read, have never had any problems taking myself out to eat. I'm a natural loner (we both were....). I need some ideas for GAL - creating a new life. I think that's why moving away is so appealing - new places to explore, brand new people to surround myself with. Barring that - thoughts??? Thanks -
It's made an enormous difference in my own PMA. Emotionally, I've been all over the board yesterday and this morning. But after I go work out this afternoon, I'll be a lot better.
Thanks so much, Greg - how did you know that I need to get healthy? As a matter of fact, I've been having a kind of "farewell to bad food and sloth" weekend - even telling the dog that it's back to healthy living after tomorrow for us (yes, I'm talking to the dog now). Wish me luck - I know I'll feel so much better about myself if I look better (the shallow me) and that I'll be healthier emotionally, too, if I exercise (the sensible me). Thanks -
The more that I read about you, the more I can identify with you. Especially talking to the dog. I have insisted on taking the cat when we D. H didn't want to give her up but he knows that I will give her more attention than him. I have been fortunate by having my family here and some really good friends. Me and one sister in particular are really close and I have spent a lot of time with her lately. GAL isn't the easiest thing to do, but it does help. I have started excerising some and eating healthier and losing weight has really helped my PMA.
I answered your post on my link earlier. It is so hard having to go through this when our H find it so easy to move on. But we can do this together! I will be more than happy to let you vent to me anytime. It helps to get it all out. Take care, Linda
As far as GAL, ask yourself what you like to do? What have you always wanted to do, but never had a chance to? I've found that since all this has happened, I am more active, more of a risk taker and less worried about what others think. It has definitely improved my life. I took a hard look at the things in my life that I didn't like and am working on changing them. It takes alot of effort, but the results are worth it.
GAL is all about being happy with yourself. Do the things that make you feel good about yourself. I thought this all sounded pretty selfish at first, but then realized that I was doing nothing for myself, and that focusing on myself occasionally was health for me and those around me.
Your suggestions help so much. I have come up with a plan for exercising - I commute to work in the city and now the dog only has me to walk him (H used to in the evenings) so I have to be careful about getting home in time for him (tho H would probably walk him in the evening if I asked and definitely in an emergency - but I don't want to call on him for anything). So I'd been trying to figure out how on earth I can join a gym and work out in the city, etc., when I realized that if I stick to working at home 2 days a week, as we can do in my office, that adds up to, inclduing the weekend, 4 days during the week that I have available to work out at home - duh! Guess I was probably looking for excuses not to be able to. So I'll work at home on Tue and Fri, and work out to start at least on Sun, Tue and Fri, and make sure to walk to and from the train station in the city on the days I go in. And on Mondays I don't have to do anything I don't want to. And today I certainly fell off the wagon I haven't even climbed onto yet - came home this evening and H had moved out most of his boxes. I turned right around and left the house and went to my favorite Chinese restaurant and pigged out. BUT - at least I went to the store afterward and bought some fruit. (okay, okay - and some pound cake, too....tomorrow's another day).
Linda - thanks for the encouragement. Funny - I have a really good friend who has been helping me through this named Linda, too. I am so thankful for everyone on this board!
I have found some walking video tapes that are 15 minutes per mile. You can do this at home, so it has made it easier for me to do it. I hate the heat and it is getting so hot here in AR so if I can do it in the air conditioning I don't have an excuse not too anymore.
I can imagine how hard it was to come home and find the boxes gone. When I moved the majority of my stuff out, I asked H to leave so I would not have to move and see him 'helping me' at the same time. I went over on Sunday and we did a walk through to make sure that we agreed on who got what and he put all of my stuff in the extra bedroom. At first I was hurt, but then I realized that it may actually make it easier for all of my things to be together. He has offered to help me to move the rest of my stuff in a couple of weeks. It hurts that it seems to be so easy for him to get rid of me, but if I dwell on it, it makes me sad and bitter and I don't like that.
I agree with you about this board. I honestly don't know what I would have done without it. I am glad that I can help. Linda
