I did ask him that actually - early in our relationship. I don't remember the conversation verbatim, but I do remember that it was a telephone conversation and I asked a question about what he liked.
He said that he wasn’t used to discussing sex and although other partners had asked him this same question, he wasn’t comfortable answering. I asked him if it was because he was kinky and he kind of coughed and said no. He just wasn’t comfortable answering that question. I told him that he was selfish then. If he couldn’t share with the person that he was intimate with and supposedly loved, who could he share with?
He defended himself. He said that sex was never discussed in his household growing up. He and his brother were raised by his mother. She and his father had separated when he was very young and he was not part of their lives.
I suppose that I have not asked him how he feels exactly, now that I read this. Yes. I will ask him. That will be my question for tomorrow.
H started reading SSM last night. When he went over to the recliner (the reading spot), I couldn't help but kind of grin. It was happiness. Anyway, he said, "What?" as he sat down.
"Nothing." I answered.
"I can take a hint eventually." He said. (After reading the book, I had put it on his desk. Every time it got covered with newspaper, I would fish it out and position it on top of everything else.)
Anyway, there were a couple of chuckles, but mainly silence. Then he said that he had to take a break and asked me if that was okay (sarcasm).
This morning, I took a peek where his bookmark was. "Sex Talk Phobia". OK, maybe I'm easily amused, but I found that totally funny because he is totally phobic when it comes to talking about sex.
Hopefully he will return to the book. If not, it goes to the top of his stack again.
Dang I can't help but think you sound A LOT like me, I was even born in 67'. I think it's great that he's picked up the book and is reading it...but keep in mind, don't get tooo pushy about it; which is kinda tempting right now, especially if he sets the book down and leaves it for a few days Remember YOU cannot make him read it, the book will have much more of an impact if he does it at his own pace from his own free will.
I have NO doubt you are completely aware of these things, you seem to be a really sharp lady (did I say you remind me a bunch of me? LOL)...just sometimes helps for others to reinforce these things at times.
I have to share this little story...I think you'll enjoy it (along with my other friends here). Last week my H and I were reading through a horoscope book that I had bought, it was part of a set...the book I was really after was on dream interpretation, this was the mate to that book.
Anyway...naturally I read my H's zodiac sign with all of the traits etc that go along with them...what's good about Gemini's, what's not so hot....same thing with my sign and our S's.
What was particularly funny, when reading my sign (Virgo) was there was a phrase in it that stated "Virgos often feel they spend the majority of their time running around cleaning up after Leos & Gemini's (my S & H's signs)....I just about fell out of bed laughing, because that is sooooooo my life right now. Actually it was very interesting (if you believe in this stuff, I only partially do) that the only other two signs mentioned along with mine (under my sign) were Leo's & Gemini's....the two main men in my life.
One of those things that make ya go hmmmmmmmmm.
Well maybe that wasn't as interesting as I once thought!
Buuuuut! This book ended up being an excellent tool for getting a really good conversation going between my H and I on specific things about us. We compared whether or not the traits mentioned under our signs really applied to us or not, and if so how....with both of us saying, well yes it does or no it doesn't...about the other person. It's was a great conversation....my H wants me to dogear some of the pages and take it with us to our C session.
Anyway....You're doing great, keep up the good work, it will payoff!
GEL, I am a Virgo also. 9/8/67 is my B-day. ME are my initials.
Too funny about the horoscope thing. I find it amazing actually. I know that it was coincidence and had it not had any meaning to you, you would have skipped right over it, but….
Yea, I know not to push, but knowing and doing are two different things. I’m really finding it difficult to be patient because he’s so pokey about things – even in daily life. Typically, I find it endearing. But our relationship is very important to me and in the forefront of my mind, which means that I am obsessing, I’m sure.
I want the foundation laid as quickly as possible (meaning the book reading and learning basic communication skills) so that we can start building our castle.
On a more positive note, I feel an energy in our relationship that I have not felt in a long time.
Quote: Anyway....You're doing great, keep up the good work, it will payoff!
No, he’s doing most of the work. It seems that in the past week, I have been opening doors, but he’s the one who is actually walking through them. I think that takes much more courage.
And I know what you mean. In one of our counseling sessions (towards the beginning of this whole process) I brought up to him when something is important, and something he wants to do he jumps right on it....so because he wasn't doing that with this it made me feel like he didn't think I/We were important.
He's still really drags his feet on stuff right now, but he's really doing better than he had been. It's not easy, but you will have to learn to reign yourself in a bit. Believe me, I know how hard that one can be...I too get obsessive about things that I want to address/fix.
You're right he is doing A LOT of the work, but don't underestimate your participation in this process. It takes an understanding/patient/persistent spouse to stand by him and work with him throughout this process.
Geez, you guys are making me feel old. I was alive when Kennedy was shot, but I don't remember it. I do remember the moon landings though, which I am sure you don't March 1961 for me.
Remember YOU cannot make him read it, the book will have much more of an impact if he does it at his own pace from his own free will.
March 1961 for me.