So my therapist (and others) say I should tell my bosses what's happening with me, especially since I have a performance review coming up. I'm dreading it but I know I have to say something. I haven't been worth the paper my paycheck is printed on - and not for a while, either. Buried my mother in July and found out H was planning to leave in October - been trying to DB and get through all "this" ever since, all the while hoping and praying that it wouldn't come to this. Well it has. I don't know what to say - I think I just want to tell my 2 bosses and ask them not to tell anyone else in the office - I don't think I can handle the sympathy just yet. On top of my lousy performance and the fact that they were SOOO incredibly supportive last year - I went to be with my mother very suddenly when she got ill and didn't come back for a month as she went through hospital and rehab - did no real work that entire time - and then came back home for a month, totally unproductive, and then she went back in hospital and passed away - I want to ask for time off in order to be with family on the first anniversary of her death at the end of June. So I'm facing a lousy performance evaluation because I NEVER recovered or caught up from last year, I'm going through yet ANOTHER life crisis to tell them about, AND I want time off while being behind - how do I do that? I have to take some time off - I haven't had a vacation needless to say, and while i haven't been productive at all for over a year I haven't relaxed at all - and I'm afraid I'm going to completely crack if I don't take a little time off. I am not used to being this person - I am NOT the crying, nonperformer in the office - I have NEVER done poorly at work and now I'm afraid I'll be put on probation. I don't feel like I can no longer NOT say anything - one of them knows I'm seeing a therapist once a week and I'm pretty sure the other senses something's wrong - I can tell by the way he looks at me. And I think too that I'm a mess because saying "it" means I have to admit it - that my marriage is over. How do I do this? I am an EXTREMELY private person but I feel like I have to say something...I feel like I'm making excuses and on top of that I have NO WAY of saying that I'm going to be doing any better or saying when I wil...
I don't know what state you live in, but in NJ, we have a family leave act that allows you to take up to (I think) 90 days for family reasons.....(ie birth of a child, sick spouse/parent, etc etc). I'm not sure of all the details, but you can probably look it up on line or ask your HR person for info........you may be able to take some time off under that to recoup and get yourself back on your feet. If you have been at your company for a long time, and have always shown "good performance", I bet they will see what had transpired in your work and cut you some slack. (Just my opinion) Having worked in a family business for many years, I know that a happy employee is a productive employee.....
Good luck to you....I'm sorry that you have had so many "life-changing" events happen in such a short period of time. God Bless!!
A couple weeks after the bomb, I told a few co-workers, whom I knew wouldn't broadcast the news. Then a couple weeks later I told my boss. He was very understanding and said if I needed to take some time off I could. I told him I didnt want to take time off because the work seemed to keep me focused. This is something that in my opinion really helped. I know where you are right now, I was there. At first I had to motivate myself everyday to do something, gradually it became easier. I took on a few projects here and there. It really helped me, and I think it may help you. Start off small, if it helps make a list of the things you want to accomplish for the day, at the end of the day mark the completed items and feel good about what you have done. Heck there are still people here at work who dont know I'm divorced. If they bring it up, I just say I'm no longer married and thats about it. As far as time off goes, I did stuff on the weekends. I would go camping/fishing/skiing/visit a relative whatever. Figure out what you would like to do and make it happen. I told myself that I wouldnt take vacation to sit around the house and mope about her leaving me. There is plenty of time in the evening after work for that. Its important to deal with your feelings, but dont let them consume you and your life. Focus on taking care of yourself. You sound like a smart, strong and accomplished woman. Now is the time to be strong. I know you can do this. My 2cents, I hope some of this helps.
THANK YOU so much for the support! I told my "main" boss on Tuesday - almost chickened out, then read these messages and one from a friend of mine to build up my courage and told him. And he was SOOOO wonderful!!! Reassured me about my work over the past year, told me I should take off the time that I needed, and gave me a hug when I was leaving his office!!!! I am so thankful for your encouragement. I do feel like a huge burden is off my shoulders. Now I need to tell my other boss - who I know will be supportive - I think I'll tell her over the phone because I know I'd break down in front of her and I just don't feel like doing any more crying than I have to. I stopped wearing my ring into the office on Tuesday and haven't put it back on, fully prepared to answer any questions that came my way about it - no one has asked yet, but it still feels like a big burden's lifted. I feel like I have "permission" to be as unfocused and unproductive as I am, and somehow I've been a bit more productive because of it. I made that "to do list" yesterday and it really helped me. Again, thank you SO much!!! I have these messages saved on my Blackberry and I look at them every once in a while for encouragement.
He's packed up all his things and so I come home to boxes now - his apartment won't be ready until June. He doesn't sleep here anymore so I haven't seen him for a while. It hasn't been as hard as I was expecting walking into the house...but then again, though I'm not bawling I am walking around pretty much in a funk. I can smile and laugh at work - had a big conference today and was just as goofy as ever - but outside of that context, when I walk out of the room, I can't even imagine my face forming a smile ever again.
Anyway - one step, one day, at a time - at least I took that first step at work. Thank you.
