BTW, folks, DH stands for Dick Head rather than Darling Husband
My sitch:
H left me April 02. We maintained a sexual R until August 02. Totally separate and in court proceedings between August and November 02.
November 02 - I learnt DB'ing from a life-coach and it worked on H immediately. We began to date and were dating between November 02 until June 03.
June 03 - I lost our baby at 2nd trimester. He left me again and re-started court action. He found OW in November 03. I slept with various different men (that sounds terrible, I am not normally like that ).
Went dark on him from that time. Big trial in January 04 - rescheduled until April 04. In April I walked out of court after nearly 2 year battle. Did not see my kids for 8 months or him for a year from when I lost our baby (aside from Alicia, aged 2, who lives with me).
June 04 - H turns up on my doorstep saying he misses me, misses my sex etc, cries. I sleep with him to break him and OW up. Phone her,tell her everything. She and him quit their R but continue to reside in same house as she is homeless.
OW gets 24 yr old bf. I leave my H to 'stew' for a while and have a further 6 months being 'grey' (minimal contact with him and the kids).
December 04 - H says happy wedding anniversary 5 days before big D and wishes to work on the R. We talk about having a hand-fasting ceremony.
Sleep together on 30th December 04. Dating from then until now, when the other week he told me he is too rigid (on his parenting views) - basically does not want my involvement with the kids other than 2 days a fortnight contact, and sent me what was essentially a 'dear john' email.
I told him to leave me alone.
29th April the kids bring me flowers for my birthday. Me and H have a row in the street.
I am dreading it. He will not come in at this time, I know him, but I hate the way he treats me when he's like this.
Gabriel already replied to something similar on my other thread. I will try to be 'normal' but I won't invite him in. He thinks I will always be there whenever he wants to come wandering back in and that isn't the case.
Now I intend to 'get tough' on him as my other approaches have not worked so far. He stays outside the door and leaves as soon as he's got dd.
Just an idea, why don't you be dressed and headed out the door when he comes. He doesn't have to know that you don't have plans, let him wonder where you are going dressed up. If he asks, just tell him that since he was spending time with dd, you made some plans. Just a thought. Linda
Good luck and for the record, my H is attracted to a woman dressed professionally (he likes smart women). Knock his shoes off and make him wonder. Linda
I'd love to meet up but can't this weekend as I have a huge mailout to do and so far I've only mailed out to people with surnames beginning with A, B and C. I've got to get up to Z!!!
I hate the mailouts now. Used to love it when H was here, and we had 3 other volunteers so there used to be 5 of us working with the radio on, tea and biscuits and the kids would help out too, a bit. We'd get it all done in 1 day with all of us working, but now there is just me so it takes me DAYS and I still have the radio on while I work, but now H isn't here with his jokes and he doesn't come up and hug me or bring me a drink when I have enveloped 500.
I still like my work...but sometimes I just miss him so much, and them...oh well.
Sorry, I'm getting nostalgic.
Perhaps we could set a time for in the summer. I could raise some money, we could go shopping then, you could meet Alicia. She'd like that.
Minor success - I feel like I have achieved something small.
Linda - I could KISS you!
Well, today H was 2 hours late and dd was whining about 'where's my daddy?' so I rang his home number and it was ex-ow. She said she didn't know where he was, but then started enthusing because her daughter who is 2 years younger than me, has just given birth to a baby girl this morning weighing 8lbs, 4ozs and she's named her Lucy. So there she was telling me tons of stuff about her new granddaughter and I complimented her dd on the choice of name - my dd3 is called Lucia and her name gets shortened to Lucy all the time.
We were chatting on the phone for ages about her new grand-baby and my Lulu and I told her congratulations. I have never heard the woman so excited, I am so pleased for her.
Anyway, by the time I put the phone down, my dd2 (aged 7) was knocking at the door. I went to let her in and my dh (dick head! ) was there. I was dressed in the suit just like Linda said and the first thing he said when he saw me was 'You're looking smart today.' I said 'Yes' and didn't say anything else. He said 'Have you got a meeting or something?' I said 'Yes' and still didn't say anything else!
DD2 went off to use the bathroom and while she was in there I commented to H that since he took the chocolate out of my printer, it doesn't work anymore.
He said he'd have a lot at it and pushed passed me without being invited in. I was a bit taken aback thinking hey, I wasn't supposed to let him in; it was just a remark.
He looked at my printer, asertained the problem, and fixed it. He told me where to get cheap ink from.
DD2 picked up my dream diary which was on the sofa. This is strictly 18 rated so I told her to put it down. Don't want her reading that!
They asked if they could play in the garden so I said yes.
While they were outside, H and I discussed the continuing computer problems and he said that I should have bought the computer from a small local company instead of a big company.
I said 'You mean like you!?' (he sells computers). He said 'yes' and we both laughed.
He noticed my Kazaa Lite Resurrection list of music and he said 'Ah, you've been downloading music off the internet!' (smiled when he said it). He was the one who told me about Kazaa so I guess he liked that.
He told me that he and our girls are going on the radio on Monday to talk about home ed. I won't listen to it though, that would really upset me.
Then I went into the garden to check the kids and he got up to leave. I rearranged the contact so he has dd4 next weekend as well instead of the weekend after, as I have a counselling appointment and HIV test at the IVF clinic and they don't want her there.
I didn't tell him the reason why I switched his weekend. He accepted it anyway and asked to have dd4 until 3pm Monday instead of 11am as he wants to take her to this lunch. I agreed.
I kissed dd4 goodbye and managed to kiss dd2 as well (I have a problem with physical contact since I lost custody, I am afraid of getting too close), so this was another small victory for me on the mothering front.
H said
'Have a nice meeting'.
I said
'I'll try'
and then they left.
YES YES YES!!!!!!!!
I mean, the R is not yet any better than before but at least we are talking, right??
Jo.
PS: I'll try to remember not to let him in next time.
This was a very sizable move in the positive direction!
I don't see anything wrong with him coming in - I'm kind of glad he pushed passed (could have been a bit more polite, tho!), as it allowed more R work to be done. H seemed to be making peace, and you were able to plant a bit more mystery on him, as well as receive an act of service (AOS) (printer fix) from him.
Were you able to thank him or provide any words of affirmation (WOA) about the kazaa lead or the radio gig? Or were things kind of tense? The humor about the computer purchase was great! More playfulness might help to fast-track this back to a nice positive level.
An 18-rated dream diary. Hmmm! Sounds interesting!
P.S. Jo, in my book, a professionally dressed woman is hot! But only if she's dressed so while staying/walking/holding herself in a genuine confidently feminine way, not trying to pass herself off as man-like (think of the 'Lillith' character of Cheers or Frasier).
Some of W and my most passionate moments followed her dressing up for a presentation or interview.
You probably blew his socks off! Nice job staying mysterious.
).