getting in the mood: books etc

[doglover]

I am an LD W with and HD H. My previous post was: LD spouse needs help [I don't know how to put in a link to it].

In one of my last posts I asked about books which might be helpful to "get me in the mood". I like to read about relationships and about sex and find that it helps to keep me focused on the issues AND improves my LD.

JustJenny recommended "How to be a Great Lover" - I saw that on Amazon.com and thot it looked good. She also said that "The habit of reading romance novels is the habit most strongly statistically associated with an active sex life for women." I may try that too (though speaking as a person who deals with statistics daily, it might be that HD women read romance not the other way around). Any other suggestions re helpful music, food, activities whatever.

Below is my "shopping cart" at Amazon.com (not all to be bought at once - I'm setting up my personal book-a-month club)

Some are technique books (H says he feels bad that I'm not experimental enough - he doesn't want to "go to his grave" never having given oral sex a good try)

Some are fantasies - though I don't know if they'll be a turnon for me.

Some are R books.

Any suggestions or recommendations are most welcome! Also R-rated movies H and I could share. (Books we could share would be good too, but though he's very smart he's skeptical of self-help books and finds "picture" books a turnoff when we're about to ML - I found out the hard way).

Thanks!
Doglover


How to Be a Great Lover: Girlfriend-to-Girlfriend Totally Explicit Techniques that Will Blow His Mind - LOU PAGET;

Bedtime Stories for Women - Nancy Madore;

Sweet Life: Erotic Fantasies for Couples - Violet Blue;

MY SECRET GARDEN - Nancy Friday;

Anne Hooper's Kama Sutra - Anne Hooper;

Five Minutes to Orgasm Every Time You Make Love: Female Orgasm Made Simple - Claire D. Hutchins;

Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships - David Schnarch;

Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship - David, Ph.D. Schnarch;

Undefended Love: The way that you felt about yourself when you first fell in love is the way that you can feel all the time - Jett Psaris;

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work : A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
by John M. Gottman

[does he have a book specifically on improving the sexual R?]

In the Mood, Again: A Couple's Guide to Reawakening Sexual Desire - Kathleen A., Ph.D. Cervenka;

I'm Not in the Mood: What Every Woman Should Know About Improving Her Libido - Judith Reichman;

Coping With Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex - Michael E., Ph.D. Metz;

The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus: How to Go Down on a Woman and Give Her Exquisite Pleasure (Ultimate Everything!!!) - Violet Blue;

The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio: How to Go Down on a Man and Give Him Mind-Blowing Pleasure (Ultimate Everything!!!) - Violet Blue;

[csw]

It looks like you have a pretty good idea already for your coursework... Your H will be pleased

[doglover]

Csw,

You mention drinking (in "this little light of mine") - I thought it increases the desire but reduces the performance.

My H is religious about drinking a glass of wine with dinner - says it's "good for the heart". It doesn't seem to affect his Libido, but may be affecting his ability, which is a problem for us.

Doglover

[csw]

I am no medical expert, but I don't think that "A" glass of wine would diminish performance ability or libido. When I go out with the guys for a beer these days, it is really two beers, and is something I NEVER did while W & I were "together", ever. I would have one or two beers a couple of times a week at home, with her. It is possible that the quantity I was consuming affected my libido, but it is merely conjecture. I am pretty sure my main problems were the testosterone, depression, and stress. Granted, the alcohol consumption affects the latter two of that list as well.

[unsure70]

Check out Xandriacollection.com...they have a pillowbook collection which are short sexual stories....works for me...unfortunately I tend to read them when I have nothing to do and H isn't home...

There is tons of stuff out there, your shopping list is a good start I'm sure!

[Lina]

For myself, I find the Penthouse collection books fascinating. But then, I'm the HD in my relationship.

Speaking purely for fiction ( though the Penthouse collections... well, not too confident in separating them from fiction (-; ):

Laurell K Hamilton is great. A Kiss of Shadows is the first in her Meredith Gentry (faerie princess) series, and Guilty PLeasures is the first in her Anita Blake (vampire hutner) series. She has an excellent mix of erotic imagery and feeling with some amazing characters and the ability to develop a fairly believable world based off of relatively focused changes to history. She's got some amazing stories, too. If you're not much for horror, you might try the Meredith Gentry books first, but if you have any appreciation for darker imagery, the Anita Blake books are awesome, too. Both series get fairly explicit in their sex scenes, but LKH does an amazing job of making it feel natural rather than gratuitous. She also deals with relationships with people who have very odd issues.

For romance authors, I would suggest Stephanie Laurens and Celeste Bradley for Victorian England historical. Laurens is good with her characters, and - depending on the book, of course - not bad wth storylines. Bradley has some of the *best* convoluted plots in her Liars' Club books. Extremely entertaining. The romance and sexuality by both are fairly well done, as well.

For modern fantasy romance, I personally enjoy Sherrilyn Kenyon. She has some fair characters, nice romances, and a great world that she's developing through the series.

For something a bit less directly romance, Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum books are an amazing, hilarious, and just plain fun series to read. She's got a couple of male interests, and the way the relationships develop is also fun. No graphic sex at all in it, just a good fun mystery comedy with a dash of romance as it develops. They start with One for the Money and the last I've read is To the Nines.

Dunno how interested you are in the fantasy/fiction side of relationship reading, but those are a few good ones, imo as an obsessive reader. :-D

[doglover]

Lina,

What a treasure trove - thanks so much!

I was an obsessive reader as a kid but haven't had the time since then, esp for fiction, so this is a window on a whole new world for me - I think I'll start with short stories which have natural stopping points - don't want my H to feel he's being supplanted by a book. Would the Penthouse collection books be the most likely to be enjoyed by both men and women?

Doglover

[CeMar]

doglover:

What every woman should know about men.

I thought this book was perfect in describing how HD men actually work. It was at least for me.

[Lina]

I would say so, though they're geared towards men. I don't know if my liking them is a reflection of women enjoying them, or me just being HD, though.

[doglover]

My other thread is "LD spouse needs help" http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=888799&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=1&o=&fpart=1&vc=1

We visited our local women's "sex store" this weekend - a very good store staffed by friendly funky 20-somethings. I picked up several books on my wishlist from their book corner, including 2 ultimate guides by Violet Blue (those will take some time to pore over) and 2 books of collected fantasies (easier pickup reading)

Why didn't I read Nancy Friday's "My Secret Garden" 25 years ago when it first came out? Perhaps because I didn't define myself as the type of person who'd be interested? If so, I guess that's part of my problem.

Doglover

(And why did I choose this gender-free name which almost seems to imply I love my dog more than my H? Not the name an HDW would choose but, oh well, now I'm stuck with it. Please don't read too much into it. Perhaps some will think I'm into kinky sex )