I must have been a "drug-sniffing" dog in a prior life...I swear that I always go directly to my H's porn stash. This time it was in the garage in a portable file carrier that he usually carries with him. This time it was magazine after magazine (June 2005 is the latest) of teens; the "stories" said 18 but many looked much younger. I have a daughter, not his, who is 17 & 2 mos., so this really freaked me out.
He swore last time that he'd never do it again and has also said that he's seeing a counselor we used to see for this addiction. However, I've yet to see any bills come through the insurance. Previous times have not been teen porn either. I feel so bad for letting this thing that is supposed to be a man around my daughter and her friends. Maybe it was wrong, but I did ask her if she or any of her friends have ever caught him trying to look at them or doing anything strange around them. I had to know after seeing that stuff. I've also asked her NOT to be alone with him until I can get him out of here.
He's run off to his Mom's house to cry about the bitch(me) telling him to get out. He left me a message to call him if I want him home for Mother's Day. I certainly don't want to spend my Mother's Day with HIM.
I'm sorry you are finding yourself in this situation...but YOU know when you've reached that proverbial last straw and if this is it then stay strong you will get through this.
My heart breaks for you and my thoughts are with you, GEL
Thank you for your support. I guess I now know why I'm in a sex-starved marriage,huh? H prefers the pictures in the printouts, movies, magazines, etc. to a real breathing woman. At 47, I cannot compete with the 18 year olds that he's currently viewing.
His dad (72) is also into this stuff; he has pinups, is always talking about young girls flirting with him, and thinks he's some kind of stud. I don't know how he could have influenced my H since abandoned the family (alcoholic) when H was about 9 and didn't show up again until H was 19. However, one of his first gifts to H was a subscription to Playboy.
The level of porn has escalated from boob pictures to hardcore teen graphic magazines. I just cannot understand why H wanted to go into counseling (his idea), why he made an appt and got Viagra (only used 2) IF he really doesn't want any kind of intimate relationship with me. I was going to get the book (don't know the full title - "He's just not into you"), but I guess I don't really need to do that anymore.
I do love him and would have stood by him if he REALLY wanted to get help for this addiction. He told me that he is seeing one of the counselors we saw as a couple and that I would see it show up on my insurance, but it hasn't. He's lying about that just like he lied about NEVER bringing porn into our house again.
Thank you; I only read a part because I really don't want to start crying again right now. He has said he's sorry; he has said that he'll never do it again...but he does.
I get my once-a-week with no kissing, no touching (except that necessary to perform the act). He gets his [on paper] hardcore 18 year olds every day of the week. I thought I was the HD, and he was the LD in our marriage. I really don't know what he is at the point.
OK...(I don't have the daughter problem tho. Ya gotta do what you gotta do!)
Damn do I know your hurt. I'm jealous (of all things) the queen of "Do you like my body?" drunken or drugged or both simple Anna Nichole Smith pinups.
I guess I should be happy mine is not the demeaning Houston 500 stuff. It is still the same passive voyeurism and non-affection. Maybe this might help.
I have come to believe that affection shown to pets is no threat to H. For they glady take whats given and ask for no more. The "pretty?" shows herself and based on the magazine or video askes for no more than she has already given, likely for her exhibitionisism or money or both, but again NOT AFFECTION. Love, cept love of money, is no where in the equasion.
You can reintroduce it by treating it like drinking or other "pathetic" adictive behavior and seeking a way to heal him. You are going to have to distance yourself from it. I threatened..."What do I have to do? Put a lifesize pix of me on the back of the bathroom door to make you happy?" I was told, "Dont be rediculous. It's got nothing to do with you." Oh how hard that is to accept.
Theat it like winning a Bingo card for OOODles of money...and ending up with a gambling adction.
((((HUGS))))))
Last edited by LostGal; 05/08/0503:12 PM.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
And the pictures don't try to touch back...H dislikes intimate touching. So, while he's eyeballing those teens doing the BJs; it would be impossible to me to offer the same without touching. He actually complained in counseling about me wanting to touch him.
He has serious issues BUT not in his eyes. Dad wasn't there - now he's on the same status as God. I can see H eventually living with dad when dad retires and moves back to our state (a different city). Now he drives here 3 weekends a month for gambling. I can picture them livings as buds, sharing magazines and flirting with young girls. Mom is very cold - she kicked dad out after years of drinking/disappearing and raised 3 kids alone. I think H admires his dad for never being forced (by mom or court) to be responsible. Life is all about fun NOT being responsible.
I also wish you much strength. Hang in there and stand strong on your morals.