W and I were having a discussion last night about ML and she said, "If you know any women, who are confident that their husbands love them, who are over 30, and who want to have sex more than they currently are having it, let me know, because I don't think they exist."
Honeypot...you don't exist! Jenny...you don't exist! IHJ, GEL, and so many others, you don't exist!
She said this, and my mind immediately began racing. Hairdog's Inner Monologue: "Oh, but W, I DO know some women who fit that description. In fact, I've known them for quite a while. Of course, I can't really 'show' them to you because this is my private 'counseling' group, but...."
Or can I? Should I just give you ladies her email address and have you start writing to her?
Probably not, but do y'all have any ideas, suggestions, to set this woman straight?
One extra detail: She just returned from a weekend with her family, and, I'm sure, discussed this issue extensively with her sister, who is very much like her in the sexual drive category.
I would be happy to correspond via e-mail with your W, but I don't know if that would be advised or necessary. Why don't you just buy her some books written by HDW? Like "Talk Dirty to Me" by Sallie Tisdale or the old classic "Fear of Flying" by Erica Jong. I'm sure I can come up with some more suggestions but I'm one cup of coffee low at the moment.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Does your wife say things like that to your C? If so, does C contradict her, or validate what she says?
Your wife is an intelligent woman.... I can't believe she really believes what she's saying. Maybe the best way to change her mind is to call her bluff, and find someone she knows (family member or friend, there must be someone) who meets the criteria. Unfortunately, she probably wouldn't look favorably on an email from any of your imaginary friends here, horny though they may be....
I think he needs something empirical to give his wife, not anedcotal "I know this horny lady over here, and this hottypants over there, and ..." Harder to 'SPLAIN, too.
If you can't find any good articles to share with her, I'd just dismiss her with a "You know, W, you said something yesterday that really amazed me. You know, I could take the time to find you people to talk to, or even give you some of the hundreds of books, articles, and entire websites devoted to the subject, but do you REALLY believe that there are no women out there over 30 who want to have sex more than they are having it?"
Just be sorta incredulous, ya know?
Whaddayathink?
You could also give her the link to one of the OTHER BBs out there, and just not THIS one. Redbook has a "Clashing Libidos" one that's pretty good; I'm sure there are others.
I would offer to help, but I'm just 22. I am 100% confident that my H loves me, and definitely want it more than he, but don't meet the over 30 criteria quite yet. :-D
But there are several of us on here who are. I'd say tell her. Send her links to the "My Story" threads of some of the people who do meet them. They're around here, somewhere.
And like Paul said, you probably have someone you know who meets them, but just don't know it. Almost all of my female friends are high drive, and I've spoken with several women who feel that they are the higher drive person between the two of them. Now who, and how to broach the topic with someone of the opposite gender... well, that's a puzzle in and of itself. :-D
I am turning in revolution
these are the scars that silence carved
on me
I think Lina's right -- I'm sure there ARE far more of those women out there, right under your W's nose, that maybe she doesn't know about.
It's like guys who brag to each other about their portfolios. I mean, who stands around and offers "Hey, let me tell you about the beating Itook last week!"
The more socially-acceptable/fashionable thing for women to do is to artifically reassure each other of "I mean, who has the time or the energy anyway, right??" -- and just rubber-stamp each other's LD.
I'm not saying that all LDs wish they were HD; I'm just saying that LDs can be divided into two groups -- those that are satisfied with their drive, and those who know they would like more, but are rationalizing.
I agree with the others that there are probably a bunch of HD women in your wife's circle, who don't talk about it. After all, what woman wants to admit that she wants it more, gets rejected and all the rest...it must mean she is a nag or fat, right?
I don't think your wife is going to be convinced by anecdotal evidence. It sounds like the two of you are communicating a little better now with counseling. Do you think she might be willing to read SSM with a more open mind now? If I think of any more suggestions, I'll post again.
I can totally understand your W's bias if I think about my feelings about women who like sports. I used to kind of believe that women who act like they like watching sports were just faking it to endear themselves to their male partners or conquests. Also, I used to believe that women who complained about their H's high drive were bragging, kind of like they were saying "I'm so hot he just can't keep his hands off of me.".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: I think he needs something empirical to give his wife, not anedcotal "I know this horny lady over here, and this hottypants over there, and ..."
Maybe true generally, but in this case, Hairdog's wife specifically ASKED for anecdotal evidence. "If you know any..... let me know..."
It would be easy to give her books and articles, but I think he's already tried that. She wants to see it from a real person she actually knows. Hard to believe she doesn't know ANY HD women. She's in denial.
Hairdog - Has she read SSM, or PM or any others? I'm sure you've told us, but I don't remember....
HD, I agree with Choc--do NOT have a real person email her. Can you imagine the "trust" issues that would arise from that ? (and rightly so, I would not look kindly on another woman emailing me about her sex drive and just HOW do you know my husband anyway??)
His suggestion about another bb is a good one, too. They are chock full of messages from women on how to get their man interested again. She may say that these people aren't "real" or whatever, but it's unlikely that so many women out there are experiencing the same exact thing.
So, sorry MrsHD, I do exist. I am indeed a woman, my husband adores me, and I am 34 (well I will be in 2 weeks). I also have 3 little children who suck the very life outta me (literally in D.5's case) and still...I want sex. Why wouldn't I? It's wonderful!
The only thing that could possibly temporarily derail my sex drive is my upcoming colonoscopy.
friggin doctors!
Anyhoo, send her a link to another bb and tell her to read up. Oh and I would definitely relate this comment to your C next week and get her input on it.
