Nice going with the PMA-building. You are doing great!
Further developing yourself, with great ideas like this legal direction and the parttime job, is excellent. Not that you're doing it for anyone other than yourself, but it'll really make H's head turn when he hears about this! Well done!
With this additional training and expertise will come added income, leading to greater freedom. Very nice!
Its interesting to see you experience your fertility as a big PMA booster as a woman. That is nice to see. My W had lots of shaming done to her about getting pregnant as a girl/teen by MIL and an aunt (MIL's twin) that she really cast a neg view on this. It must be empowering to have your experience.
I always preferred myself when pregnant. I am a tiny size 8 (is that 36 in the US?), with virtually no breasts, lol and when I'm pregnant, I get curves and clevage!
I used to walk around with a bare belly because I was so proud of it and I had red lace maternity lingerie.
I was a mother at 18 - by my own choice - and see nothing wrong with teenage pregnancy, provided the teenager is genuinely in love and committed to her R, which I was, and still try to be. I would never have walked away from the M. I think once you make those promises you stick to them unless there is violence.
Childbirth to me was a sensual experience (apart from the first time). I just felt sexier when pregnant. Now I am a stick insect
I've had my kids now but still got a high out of it when the clinic said I passed the fertility test I know it sounds stupid, but it's like passing an exam on my virility and womanhood (not suggesting that people who can't have kids aren't women - this is just the boost it gave me).
It must be great if you can't and then suddenly after treatment, you can finally have a child.
You have such a positive, celebratory view of motherhood! I remember being so turned on by W's changes during her pregnancy with S5. The physical one's were awesome, as she became almost super-female in my eyes. She also seemed to soften and become more intuitive during that time.
She had to have a C-section due to S5 being breeched, so she didnt' get to experience natural child birth. I think this started her off on the wrong foot - having to do post-surgery recovery while trying to get to know S5 and us as as newly expanded family of three.
I would not have had a C section for breech baby unless he was footling breech.
I was a breech baby myself, born vaginally. I think these days there is an increasing move towards doing C sections to stop the hospital getting sued, rather than because mom and baby's life is at risk.
In the UK, about 15% of births are C sections and a lot of these are for breech or when induction fails, necesitating an emergency C.
I had a terrible birth experience 1st time around (dr's insisted on loads of internals without my consent, which stressed me out and stressed the baby out - I couldn't cope with the pain of being forced to lie on a bed and being poked about by dr's so I asked for analgesia. This meant I had to be monitored. Monitors went wrong and incorrectly recorded no heart beat, thus I was cut without my consent after saying NO and they used forceps to pull her out, after which they discovered her heart was fine and she scored 10 on her apgar scale.
My wound got infected, spread to my uterus and caused me to become almost comatose. I was then 'saved' by antibiotics and codeine from a complication which was dr caused in the first place. Sex was painful for 2 years after and I consider the cut they did with no consent was sexual assault of me. The scar still hurts 9 years later. I was so furious, I threatened to sue the hospital and I with-held consent for such a procedure to be ever performed again. They wrote in my notes, no cut. I said I'd rather have a C section than get cut there again.
I also insisted on natural delivery with minimal intervention with all the others, and dd4 was a home birth with no midwife or dr and by far the best, most spiritual experience I've ever had. I was in awe over my own power!
I reckon my family is complete; I can't see that I would ever have any more, but if I did, I would have them the way I had dd4.
It really does affect the mother's ability to bond if they turn it into a medical problem.
Just dropping in to say that I'm hoping you and your family are doing well. I'm also hoping that you start a new thread and hang in there using whatever support we can provide to help.
In both your successes and your struggles, you have been a wonderfully reassuring presence for me in my own. Thank you!
Hey Ioavva. I think thats really cool about your dreams. Wish I had the same gift. I too keep having this recurring dream. Im at an amusement park and Im on this ride. It keeps going up and then down, up and then down, up..........................................
Yes it's a great gift to have except it's not so great if the dreams tell you something bad and then you're sitting there waiting for it to happen, like I have done on several ocassions.
Your dream has obvious symbolism - life ia like a rollercoaster and your emotions are going up and down all the time.
I've not seen any of them. H is coming to get Alicia on Saturday but I doubt he will say anything to me. I am not going back to an R with him unless he commits properly. I am truly at the end of my tether with being treated like this and want to be happy, with or without him.
If he does come in, maybe try to act "as-if" none of this falling out has happened in terms of your PMA and positiveness. I think you can do this while keeping some self-protective boundaries in place, Jo, like no ML until greater commitment.
Think positive and playful for now. LostinLimbo's sitch in the Separated forum involves some similar issues of a controlling H and her positiveness/playfulness has moved him very close to coming home.
