Alone

[Livnlearn]

He left another message in the evening to say that D *will* go down with the landlords, as the only other alternative is for her to stay there all week until Friday, (here he laughs), and says D would probably like that as she would then miss school...

Says landlords will probably arrive around 5pm... He is softening it to make it sound not so early, or else he hasn't even really asked them properly, as they distinctly told me it would be by about 3pm, they were coming down straight after lunch.

What do I do with a PA guy like this? I could just ask him to stick it up his you know what, or patiently point out to him that it is HIS responsibility to arrange D's transport home and not mine, that I cannot have my weekends without D subject to the whims and plans of all and sundry...

I need to email him soonish, any ideas?

Any standing firm now WILL produce a torrent of backlash, I just know it.

And for a man who spends all day on a computer, he has suddenly become allergic to sending emails!

Livnlearn

[Livnlearn]

He left another message this morning, telling me that I had better get back to him soon to tell him "what my arrangements are". Otherwise he will have to keep D with him for a few days.....

Livnlearn

PS Now he just emailed to say that she is coming down with the landlord "unless *I want* her to stay up with him there"!

See, it has *nothing* to do with him, right?

[Livnlearn]

I had anticipated all this happening anyway, so had already warned older guy that I couldn't go far away today, as I *might* have to be back early.

I wrote an email to H, telling him how it was his responsibility to arrange D's transprt here, not mine. That I would be here to receive D today, if he phoned me on my mobile the moment she left his place, so I could get home just in time.

That this would be the LAST time I changed my plans to accomodate him.

I do not want to escalate the war, or have D feel like a parcel, but I am trying to lay down my boundaries for the future.

My good friend went through our SA yesterday (we translated it into English), and we have established (it was confirmed) that unless my circumstances change much - that is, I am earning much better than at present, then H has no grounds to pay me less then he is already. Still need to pay a little visit to the lawyer, though.

Livnlearn

PS I sure could have done without all the stress this weekend. It seems to go in cycles.

And I still have loads of preparation (read, cleaning) around the house to finish before my sis and co arrive...

[Livnlearn]

Surprise surprise!

H emails me a reply. Says I only told him of my plans for Sunday on Friday. He seems to think that if I don't email him my "plans", that in fact I am sitting at home all weekend, available to receive daughter on her return, at any time!

If you have to explain such stuff to a person, what hope is there? I am on a road to nowhere with this guy. The world revolves around him.

According to him, I set the pace!

He says that I enjoy punishing him in little ways. (Withdrawal of my services, that he not only never acknolwedged, but even denied I performed, is punishment to him.)

Surprise surprise, he won't now be sending me the money for the bike!

He is annoyed that I wouldn't let him stay here this week the evening of D's show. Even though he knows I have have my sister here, and he has had the dates of her visit for weeks now.

He is annoyed that I will answer the points in his email about lessening his payments to me and selling the house "in due course". He guesses I may go see a lawyer. (I am a bad girl for that.) So now I will get the money for the bike "in due course". (Good thing I never relied on him stumping up the cash.)

He has bent over backwards to pay the mortgage for me the last two years, but he will not allow me to keep him poor and without a future any longer.

Livnlearn

[MovingForward]

Hang in there. Its going to be a bumpy ride. I am fighting with H to pay the June 1 mortgage. He refuses to pay it although he will be living in the house in June.

[BeingMe]

If I were you, LnL, I would consult a lawyer ASAP. Your WAH sounds like a really unreasonable person (as, I guess, narcissists are) to the extreme. If he cannot even see his responsibility in making sure D is home for school (basic parenting), and even thinking it amusing she would miss a whole week, then he is totally useless as a father, IMHO. Perhaps, it is time to start thinking about moving to a place where you might be able to look after yourself and D with or without his assistance. It sounds like it is best to be totally independent of narcissists, and as far away from them as possible. One has to question how good he is in D's life?

Sorry, if I sound judgemental, and know-it-all, but he sounds like a bully, and I loathe bullies.

[F_KITTY]

Livenlearn

I have no time to go thro' all the posts of your sitch, I just grapse a very rough idea. Your H behaved in some ways very similar to mine. Both of them are manupilators. He won't call or told the kids to call and tell me what time they'll come back, to give me time to prepare meals by letting me know if they (he) want to have meals or not, he supposed I am available all the time and I am a fast food stand. And that I have no where to go except to wait for him bringing back the kdis from don't know were, never give a call or text msg or just told the kids to call. He also has no respect on what he put on the agenda of his planning, he changes without any prior notice or whatsoever. Because I don't work, I have no planning and just like all those years that I must adapt to his schedules. He also told me to pay for the property tax of the house and I also refused. I think I would like to know your sitch more. I suggest you to do a summary on your next thread because your current one will be locked up soon so that I can understand more.

Thanks for dropping by my thread.

Kitty

my thread : lost in his MLC - 2