Well my wife and I have been separated for just over six months, and through DB techniques I think I have saved my marriage.
When my wife left, she moved to a small town about 2 hours from where I am now. She finally found a job there (about three weeks ago) and was sent to a training for two weeks in the big city where I live. She called me from the hotel and we basically spent every evening and night together while she was here.
It was great and we talked, and had a great time. We had two visits before this and she had seemed somewhat cold at first but not on this visit. Anyway, we had a great time and she invited me to drive her back to the small town where she is staying. I saw her place and this was a huge step because her family really dislikes me and she was worried about them seeing me (it is a really small town).
Anyway, during this time, she was talking about the future, having kids, decorating the house I bought while she was gone. She even said that she loved me, and I pressed her and she said she loved me the way a wife loves a husband!
We were both honest about some indiscretions with the opposite sex that occured during the separation...nothing too serious on either side. She truly feels that all of my changes I have shown her are for real. She also told me that she really likes validation...to be complimented. My question is, should I keep telling her that I love her? Should I compliment her and tell her how beautiful she is. This seems to be aganist DB techniques....
Also, she really likes her life up there and made no mention of moving back down here to be with me. Plus she has a year lease up there...and really enjoys hanging out wiht her girlfriends. No one yet, including her family, knows that "we are back together" so all of her girlfriends are still trying to set her up with men, go to bars etc. She has agreed to spend every other weekend with me.
I feel like I am so close and don't want to blow it. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. One thing I do know is not to try to control anything (a problem before).
Congratulations, you are winning. Notice I didn't say you have won? Keep doing what got you here. Patience, patience, patience. Enjoy your every other weekend setup and do things for yourself on the off ones. Big point, don't give a damn what she is doing when you aren't together. That will only hurt your progress. What if she meets a cute guy when she is out? So what! Especially with the prior "control" issues. I have them too so I know how you feel. Give her free roam and enjoy your time together. Don't worry about a one year lease, what's a year in the grand scheme of things? Less than 4% of an average persons life. Big deal. My W moved back after 5 months and got out of her one year lease. In fact if I wouldn't have made such a big deal out of those sorts of issues she would have been back sooner. Get my point?
You are on the path. Now just don't over do it. Keep the focus on you and not her. The better you are the faster she will come back to you.
That ILY is a tough one. Definitely a case of less is more at this point. Your actions say more than any ILY. Don't forget that. That goes both ways too. If you feel like she loves you don't press her to hear it. A compliment will not hurt but make it a "warm" one. What I mean is don't just blurt it out. Pick a time when you are feeling very "close" and just whisper it in her ear and smile.
Good luck to you, things are looking very good but it won't be all rosy from here. Expect some downturns and they won't hit you quite so hard.
