I doubt very much if my H will be willing to end things the way I feel necessary with OW...but I need some feedback on what is reasonable. This is what I would want: I would want to meet her together (I have no idea what she looks like) and be with him as he tells her it's over, don't contact either of us in any way, and that means no contact with her little kids, either, whom she has been using to manipulate him. I want him to block her number from the phones and her email address from his email accounts. If she calls, I want him to hang up on her. I want him to remove the extra security around his email and cell phone.
Are these reasonable things? I do think that the way I would want him to end it with OW would be hurtful - but somebody's going to get hurt more and it should be her, not me. And I know he feels guilty already about not being around her kids - but unfortunately, the only times kids are truly hurt are by the stupid choices of adults and he hurt those kids the first time he stepped over the line with their mother. I want to be there when he has the last conversation with her because I need to hear it happen and I also need to see her to know if she's hanging around.
There is no way he will agree to this...but I don't know if I could go forward without it. Is there another way for me to look at it???
My H has said he will end it too, but says he needs time to do it. I had a hard time coming to grips with this. I was in flight mode (ready to leave) for a few days, sad for a few then just plain mad. My emotions were everywhere. I guess I felt if he choose me, I would have his love back, remorse, and of course no ow. That didn't happen.
But, for now I am back in to DB mode and going to keep GAL and detaching for my sanity. It really helped me before. So, I have to do this again. I want to be prepared for whatever happens.
Quote: ...I would want to meet her together (I have no idea what she looks like) and be with him as he tells her it's over...
I know it's late, but I wanted to tell you that I felt the same exact way about how I wanted my H to end it with OW. When I first found out about his A, I demanded that he call OW to end it. H did what I asked (he left a message on her voicemail since she didn't answer), but I later found out that he called OW back as soon as he left the house that morning. After finding this out, I told my H that I wanted him to take me with him to tell OW in person that it was over. I told him I NEEDED this! I needed to know it and see it since a phone call obviously didn't do the job. My H absolutely refused and said he would only call OW in my presence again to tell her it was over for good. So he made the call again leaving another message.
My H said OW had no knowledge of me so I had no ill-will towards her. When the A was exposed, she was made aware of H being married with kids (obviously). After finding out that she was still having contact with my H after knowing his sitch, I was furious and called her cell to "let her have it". Apparently after that, H told me OW told him to "eat s**t". As far as I know, they have not had anymore contact since then.
Ok, sorry for rambling! If you think your H won't go for it, chances are you're right, but if he did agree to do it, you might not EVER be able to get the image of her out of your head.
JV
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
Same here with the "needing time to do it" - my H said he would end it with OW because it was wrong to start another relationship before we were completely, cleanly over, but that it was a "process" - yeah, she gets a longer, kinder "process" than I do after knowing her for a year compared to our 25???? The other night I messed up and asked him if they were still together...his answers, after a ridiculous "What do you mean?" (how stupid does he WANT to look?) were "I know she's still in love with me, and I'm still considering a relationship with her. If you mean are we intimate, no. If you mean have I thrown her on the trash heap of my life, then no." Yeah - make SURE I know you have HER feelings under consideration and you're concerned about HER, and make SURE I know I'm "competing" with her.
I don't know how much longer I can do this. Both my therapist and my horoscope said today that it's best for me to do nothing - that I'm not ready to "do" anything yet and when I am I will know and feel no ambivalence about it, and that procrastination is my best friend this week. Humiliation, too, I guess...
Your H's word sound like mine. I, too, want to scream, WHAT ABOUT ME???? It just bites. I feel your pain. I want to ask my H what is going on with ow and what he is doing to end it but I have not for about 6 days now. It is sooo hard not to though.
