Brief review: Me: 37 W: 34 5yr Son Separated since 10/28/04. Signed D Papers 3/24/05, with D likely finalized within 4 weeks.
Continued babysteps in my sitch. W moved from less fearfulness and more friendliness, back to a fearful, reactive stance recently, likely due to D effects. Yet there continue to be positive signs: No OP, W in therapy and stable at work, W commenting about her free weekends to me, and us co-parenting frequently and positively, with both of us keeping S5 as a very high priority. W is also focused on her finances and living situation. I'm staying focused on R and my GAL work. Friendship with W is primary goal. I'm attempting to stay unconditionally loving in a detached manner, focusing on S5 and myself, while I hope that, with God's grace and W's hard self-work, that she heals enough for us to have a second chance at some point.
Found ya! Sounds like you had a nice Easter with S5. You did real well with W
Hang in there Gabriel. I think it is far from over with you and W. Give it some time. Take things as they come and continue to work on YOU and to take care of S5.
And you better not forget about me since you have moved on the board!
I'm sorry that I missed that the D papers had been signed. And I am sorry for you. However, it sounds like things are going reasonably well, and that's a good sign. There doesn't appear to be any major animosity from your W, so maybe she's starting to learn that all of the negative things she feels really have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.
I'm glad you had a good Easter w/your S, too. You two deserve all of the good things that come your way, and then some!
I posted on your previous thread. I'll likely be joining you here as well. Got a letter from my L that the court date is set of 2nd week of April. I can join this board in good conscience then.
Hi Gabriel Thanks for stopping by my thread. Ive checked in on your sitch before. Didnt know you signed papers either. I wish you the best, and I can relate to what you are trying to do. Being a friend...Im finding that is becoming important.
Thanks for stopping by. Bulldogr, my posting here doesn't mean that I'm giving up. I'm not trying to block the D, as W sees it as her solution for now. I'm just shifting definitions or focusn and really locking in on redeveloping our R. There will always be hope there.
Martha, I really hope you are right, that the lack of true flat-out animosity means that she is starting to think about her role in our M problems. That is so very important, and not really present throughout our M. It is really hard for me to see how a depressed person can be so down on themselves for stuff - leading to low self-esteem, etc.. - yet so blaming of the partner for stuff in the M. Seems like a reversal there.
Largo, the 'being friends' things is key. I'm working hard at it.
Nice note. W said that the new lights I put up in the kitchen were really nice and "so much better" than the prior ones. May that be true of our 'new' R as well! A very rare indirect compliment from her. Wish there were more, but I'll take what I can get!
I know you are not giving up, and I hope that I didn't imply that. I won't be either. I have my moments where I lack conviction or direction, but, like you:
Quote: Martha, I really hope you are right, that the lack of true flat-out animosity means that she is starting to think about her role in our M problems. That is so very important, and not really present throughout our M. It is really hard for me to see how a depressed person can be so down on themselves for stuff - leading to low self-esteem, etc.. - yet so blaming of the partner for stuff in the M. Seems like a reversal there.
I see a lot of that in my sitch. I have hope that W sees another side of things, where we both were to blame for the problems in our M and finds a desire to begin a new, more balanced R.
Of course, I worry that the lack of animosity on my W's part is an indication that she is resigned to this and just wants to keep things cordial for the K's with no real expectations that there is any future for us besides being co-parents, as you said. W's statements to others about the possibility that we can remarry in the future gives me some hope, though.
Quote: W said that the new lights I put up in the kitchen were really nice and "so much better" than the prior ones. May that be true of our 'new' R as well! A very rare indirect compliment from her. Wish there were more, but I'll take what I can get!
I would take that as a positive sign, dude.
BTW, my airline tix are booked! I'm heading for Jax on the 14th, and will be there thru the 18th. Dinner? Hang on the beach? Let me know!
Thanks for your vote that her compliment of my installation of new kitchen lighting matters. I remember about 4-5 mo after we moved into our house, W complimented me on how well I cared for the house and yard, saying she had her doubts before, but not anymore. Even following her D-bomb, she would note that I could do wonders with this or that house that she saw.
I raced over to see S5's swim lessons this afternoon; W drove him to campus. She walked over to sit next to me in the bleachers. It was a bit strained but not bad. She made a point to point out that my mortgage broker was a "blonde snit" ~translate attractive young, blonde female. In reality, I've never met the agent in person - did everything by fax/email/phone, but I thought I could detect jealousy. Hmmm. S5 would look over at both of us and wave while swimming.
W called tonight on my cell returning my attempt to reach S5 to talk about his TBall game. Had to miss it due to work. W shared that he was tired from swimming then TBall and was taking to sitting down in the outfield. We laughed about that hard together, then W noted that he was ignoring the coaches attempts to get him to stand and we laughed some more, and I thought, "What a smart, self-confident little guy!" When she said she'd have S5 call me back after the game, I thanked her for calling me and we hung up. I think she appreciated me making time for his swimming lessons and is a bit worried about my maintaining my involvement with him. Not that there is anything to worry about there, just that I'm glad she values my time with him.
Martha, its good to hear that you'll be coming to town after all. How is dinner on Fri 4/15? I'll email you.
I saw the kitchen thing. I made it a point to have one thing different everytime WAW came over. It makes them mad at first, but it gets there mind working.
Have you ever tried flowers and a I'm sorry and I Love you.
Sounds like you had a nice Easter with S5. You did real well with W 
W shared that he was tired from swimming then TBall and was taking to sitting down in the outfield. 
We laughed about that hard together, then W noted that he was ignoring the coaches attempts to get him to stand and we laughed some more, and I thought, "What a smart, self-confident little guy!" When she said she'd have S5 call me back after the game, I thanked her for calling me and we hung up. I think she appreciated me making time for his swimming lessons and is a bit worried about my maintaining my involvement with him. Not that there is anything to worry about there, just that I'm glad she values my time with him.