Had a very bad week. I have been trying to talk to him about our non exsistance sex life, Its been 7 months since we last ml. Anyway has some of you know my other half HATES this subject, but I have refused to drop it.
we agreed he would let me know when his 'problems' were'nt causing him a problem. Anyway last Monday night he asked me for a kiss in bed, now usually bed is just for sleeping no touching allowed and he never wants to kiss me or anything. We kiss and cuddle for 15mins, He even kissed my neck so I thought wow we are on tonight, and you know what its like when you aint had sex for an age, you get horny very quickly. Anyway he then said ok time for sleep. Well I was well fed up and just started to cry, then ask the usual questions , why dont you fancy me anymore? am I that repulsive? Do you not realise I have needs? What do I do with these feelings now?, then I got out of bed and said that I wouldnt be able to sleep now so got my pillow and started to go down stairs. Anyway he kicked off big time, throwing things, hitting things, he was very close to hitting me, he had never done that before. It was very scarey . anyway the next morning I was the one to go to him and say that this had to be a turning point and that I needed intimacy in my life, and we needed to work towards meeting each others needs. Anyway things have stayed the same. Last night I brought the subject up again and he ended up storming off to bed. So I drank a bottle of wine, then went to bed. This morning we got up and a few words were said....he then went on about the pain in his back and how he couldnt stand it anymore (remember this pain in his back doesnt stop him doing anything other than ml to me) and that I was basically making him feel as bad as that. Wow that hurt. So I have finally decided its time to give up. No I cant leave him, we are not married the children are not his, But I cannot put the kids through another breakup. I am no longer going to beg for sex. In fact today I have thrown the condoms into the rubbish bin, this was a big step because this is me saying I accept that our sex life is over. I dont know why i have wanted to have sex with him anyway, I dont know about anyone else but it is certainly one big turn off being with someone who doesnt want anyting to do with you. I am no however giving up on my sex life. If anything crops up then I am going to grab it with both hands and enjoy it. I know a lot of people will put me down for this statement, but I have had enough, he may choose to be celibate, BUT this was not what I got into this relationship for, I wanted a loving passionate relationship. But instead I have loveless, sexless roomate, who has all his needs fullfilled.
I cannot see how LD mates can expect us to sit around and wait for them to be ready to have a loving relationship. I really think they need to look at how they are treating there mates. I have said to my partner once a month would be great, but no, so this is excessive? So they stay in full control, what a power trip for them!!!
I'm sorry to hear things haven't turned around for you. But I'm sorry I just have to ask this. Why would you stay there if you are that unhappy, you aren't married, and he's not meeting your needs. I know you stated that you don't want to put the kids through another break up...but hon, come on here!
Your children are going to feel the stress of an unhappy mom at home. I don't know if you two fight with them around or not, but they will feel the stress of the two of you not getting along as well.
This is just my humble opion here...but sometimes by leaving a situation you are unhappy in, especially after trying to correct it...you set a better example for your children than staying and enduring it.
You know...I remember Honeypot said in one of her posts that she was ready to make her H live as a roommate if he was going to behave as one. She meant move into another room and make it obvious to anyone who might enter the home...that this was a roomie situation. Perhaps, just perhaps you might try this approach too. You two aren't married afterall, perhaps you should make this a strictly roommate situation. When I say that I mean...no laundry, no cooking, no cleaning up his stuff (for him) none of those extras a SO gets.
That just might be a wakeup call for him....
Honeypot...Aren't ya proud of me? An 18 mo old at home, minimal sleep and I'm still able to retain information...well, ok some information...well, a little at least....what was I saying?
Peanut: Sorry to hear that your mate reacted that way. I haven't seen your earlier posts on this situation. Have you read SSM ? One of the first lessions is that LD's are not always that way out of spite. As for your leaving, will a breakup stress the kids more or less than seeing Mummy being struck by her bf and carted off to the hospital? Throwing things and striking inanimate objects has me concerned.
I have to say that when he kicked off it was very very frightening, and I aint going there again.
When I split from my ex husband my son took it really very bad, he was only 8 at the time and he took it very badly, he is almost 16 and comming up to leaving school, I cant do this to my son again.
I have asked him to move all the office stuff into 'our' bedroom so that I can then sort out the office for my bedroom, But he is refusing and doesnt want me to leave the bedroom, I have taken to sleeping on the couch until around 3am and then going to bed. I know this isnt a ideal situation, but its the only thing at the moment that i can do. we go away for a week next week, he is comming along but thankgoodness he cannot stay the week so it gives me a bit of space. thanks for you concern Angie
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