Just thought I'd check in and see how everyone's doing, and provide a bit of an update on my sitch. Glad to see there's been some improvement for a number of my old pals here. Kinda surprised to see AtlDave still posting here from time to time. I haven't really lurked much here, in fact not at all for the past few months, and just peeked in this morning a bit, so I'm pretty behind on what's been happening, but from what I've seen, it seems kind of like a soap-opera... you can miss a lot and not really miss much...
My sitch: As you can see, I've finally updated my handle... I'm not 47 anymore. Not quite 49 yet either, but I will be in a couple weeks (anyone remember my birthday thread from last year?), so I figured I'd go there now in the handle rather than change it again so soon. Still in the same position, but things have improved somewhat since last fall, so I've decided to stick it out and see if I can make it work here. No immediate plans for a move. On the M front, W and I have slid back into the "same-ol, same-ol" once again, but this week I've once again begun to press the issue and shake things up a bit. Last Oct/Nov we switched bedrooms with S18 (STB S19), part of the reason for which was to give us a bit more privacy... that project of course had us painting and reorganizing for a few weeks, then we were into the Xmas season, and things just sort of slid on from there. When we made the switch, we had to buy some new furniture from Ikea, cuz there wasn't enough closet space so we needed an additional cabinet, and we got a chest of drawers as well. Didn't go for the bed at the time, due to the cost. This week I said I wanted to get the bed for the set, bcuz it has a headboard, which will facilitate being able to do things like spend time together in bed "innocently" (i.e. reading, etc.), which is bound to lead to additional opportunities for "less innocent" pursuits. Just to be clear - the reason for wanting "innocent" time in bed is so the kids (who are now older... 13, almost 19 and 21) will get used to us being in there with the door closed, and it won't be "obvious" when we "retire". We can no longer wait until the kids go to bed, as they often stay up later than us, and our house affords VERY little privacy. This is often the #1 reason cited by W for her reluctance. So this weekend we'll go get the new bed, and hopefully there'll be some changes soon.
Similarities to last year: We still find it easy to slide into a rut, and I'm as guilty as she is. We get busy with stuff, and inertia carries us into the void. Gotta work at shaking things up more often. In truth, our current "dry spell" can be traced all the way back to last Summer. We seemed to be making good progress from the Spring into July, but in August we went away for a family reunion, and never seemed to be able to pick up where we left off after that. I sort of lost the will to keep trying... maybe I felt I was doing all the work, and was tired of that. Maybe I was doing all the work. Maybe it only seemed that way. Her attitude seems pretty much the same as always - she's happy to fall asleep on the couch night after night, and doesn't seem bothered at all by a lack of LM. I'm getting to the point of resenting the fact that she seems to be getting what she "needs", but I'm not.
Differences from last year: I'm willing to be more assertive now, having learned a thing or two along the way. Less afraid of talking about contentious issues. Once I decide what it is I really want, it'll be a lot easier for me to get off my duff and go after it.
Bottom line: Like my work sitch, I have no plans to make any rash decisions at this point, and I've resolved to do whatever I can to improve the sitch. Insisting on buying that bed is a starting point. Also, last evening after I got home from work, and had changed, we were both in the bedroom, no kids in sight, and I gave her a nice, extended hug. She was hugging back. It felt REAL good. Bottom line, I know that I DO love her still, and more importantly, I really do LIKE her as well. I want this to work.
Just this morning I read an interesting article in the paper, which basically said that long-term married couples report a high degree of satisfaction with their marriage. These couples tend to do things together, don't shy away from discussing "interesting" topics, even when there are sharp differences of opinion, respect each other, and get along well. However, those with kids still living at home (esp. older kids - adult kids) report a DRAMATICALLY lower level of satisfaction, which is worse if they don't both agree on whether it's good or not that the kids are still around. Maybe that's just the thing... perhaps we just haven't gotten to the best part of our lives yet.
TIM!! I was just thinking about you this week, wondering how it was going. Could be worse, eh? AtlDave hasn't been here very recently, but he does show up every once in awhile. Even Superdave sticks his head in now and then.
My W and I are in MC right now, and while the sex hasn't improved, we're at least making some inroads to some of the "issues." I had a one on one with the MC yesterday, and she agrees with me about most of the insights I have about my W, and how difficult the road ahead will be.
Glad you dropped in, hope you get some privacy in that new love nest of yours.
Thanks, guys, for the warm welcome-back. Kinda sorry to still be hanging around here, but at least I've got all of you to kibbitz with, and I'm not quite the whipped puppy I was last year at this time. Nor the same angry screamer, either. I do think both W and I have grown a bit in the past year, so we won't really be starting at the same place. Perhaps we'll make a bit more progress this time.
It has occurred to me that this whole thing is, after all, a journey, and no one part of any journey is really more important than any other... they all move you forward, in one way or another. Maybe I have a bit better perspective now, and you guys have had a lot to do with that...
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
