Okay....it came! H is moving out today. H didnt come home until 130am from the races. He had makeup on his sweatshirt and stains on his underwear....but he says he was alone. I am really having a hard time. I am sad and happy(more sad and mad) I feel that he has just given up on us and I spent so much time and effort through the years to let it go so easy. He said that it saddens him to leave but he cant live with us arguing anymore. (We havent argued in a long time) I have just smiled and been happy. I think that it is his guilt that is hurting him. I never thought that this would have happened to me. How can he walk away and not try to put us together. I have done all of the work here. H told me that he isnt sure that he can remain faithful during the separation. I have died inside. I dont know what to do now. He said that he hopes in the long run that we can be together again. Ouch! I really havent seen a lot of H lately. He comes home late or I just give him his space when he is at home. I am deeply destroyed today....I dont know if I should keep fighting for our M or just give up.
I'm sorry it has come to this but dammit, I know what you are going through. You'll feel mad, sad and believe it or not relieved sometimes.
I'm deadly serious when I tell you that your words have helped pump me up and give me confidence when I leave the house. I look forward to see what you've written. I mean it, if you ever need an immediate pick me up or help with anything, feel free to shoot me an e-mail at matthewf@surfcity.net . It'll go straight to my blackberry and I'll get it right away.
The next couple of months will be crucial for your success (with or without him). You have to continue to do things for you. You guys all think that I have it together, well I still have my days. Last night was one of them. I had a big blow up on the phone with the W. But I'm here to talk about you, not me.
QT, you will get through this. What I get from your writing is that you are an incredibly positive person, fun to be around, etc. He'll either realize he f'd up or he wont. Either way you will come through this a better person. It won't be easy, but you'll do it!!
D... You are the biggest sweetie! Thank you for all of your support and strength and of course all of your corney jokes that make me laugh. You are an inspiration to me. You are very positive and I love to get on this site to see if you have posted. Thanks for making me smile throghout my tough days. I knew in my heart that I could count on you to make me feel better.
By the way my hair looks good....I love to have someone wash my hair and color it. Thanks for asking and guess what I will use the email address that you gave me mine is blondeqt1@aol.com. Now your in for it! LOL
I will post to your thread to see whats going on with you ! Stay sweet and thanks for the support!
I am at home on this Friday night and D1 is sleeping. H left on bad terms probably so he doesnt feel so guilty about being rude. I am hurting again....wondering how I have failed in my marriage. I was thinking about the OW and how happy she must be that H has left me to be with her....she probaly feels that she has won. The thing is that H is the loser...he left without the prize (me) he went for the loser (OW). I hate being lied to and I hate rude people...I feel that my H should grow some balls and admit to what he is doing....it might be hard at first but I would understand and then stop trying. I have been thinking about myself lately and I wish that I could find someone as wonderful as I am...(not being weird) but I have done everything to forgive and help us move on when he hasnt done anything but run. That sounds silly but why do I want to chase someone that supposedly doesnt love me. I want to be strong....I hate feeling like a disease and being alone. I am sick of fighting. (okay I have gone on and on) I am feeling a little better.....Please pray for strength for me. Hope that you all are having a great Friday night.
I just got home from the game, a 4-0 shutout of the Padres I might add. I just wanted to check in on you. I've got to get some sleep, tomorrow I have to work a rare Saturday (it happens about 3 times a year).
You poor thing. I know exactly what you are going through. It feels as though your heart has been ripped out and stamped over - you feel empty, numb, angry, sad, more emotions than you are ever likely to feel all at once ever again.
I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but tomorrow is another day - a day of you getting stronger and your life getting better. For me, the move out day was the lowest point of my life, and in some ways I'm glad it because it can only get better from that point!!
Someone said on this BB (maybe NY?) that in some ways the OW is your greatest ally in a DB sense. While you are GAL, being happy, funny beautiful self, he will have her at him about why he still talks to you, why he goes to see your daughter, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag. She will feel far more insecure than you can imagine. She'll be jealous of you because regardless of where he is living he is your husband.
Stay strong. You're in my prayers.
Aussie Girl
Life is what happens when you are busy making plans
Hey BlondeQT, now that he's decided to be with the OW, don't you give him another thought! Put it out of your mind, or you're going to be negative and miserable and in pain. If anything, them being together will hasten the end of their relationship.
It seems he's on top and you're at the bottom, but that's going to change because his life with her will only be OK to a point, and that's as good as it's ever going to get, while your whole life is an open canvas now and can become great if you make it so. He escaped a relationship just to be in another... meet the new boss, same as the old boss... you grow as a person during this time and focus on yourself and don't use up your brain energy dwelling on him.
BlondeQT, I am so sorry your are hurting so much right now. I'm not in much better shape - I do fully understand now why the heart is used in reference to love - it physically HURTS doesn't it? ALl I can say is - f**** them, they deserve each other, and when it all comes crashing down around them YOU won't be in danger because you will be far, far away from their emotional time bomb, enjoying your own life and getting sympathy from everybody who knows you and the both of you. I am praying for you praying for you sending healing vibes your way sending comfort your way.
Part of me hates to say it because it's kind of anti-DB but...I agree with busting! You know what I always tell you: You deserve better than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
