quote: ------------ The over riding themne in our latest convos seems to be "you tell me you have changed but I dont see any of it". ....... the only answer I get is "I am not going to tell you what you need to do minute by minute". ------------
I am curious. Are you always at fault in the relationship? Are you, as a couple, waiting on you individually, to miraculously arrive at some, as yet to be determined condition?
------------ Second one is I seem to have to restate the small changes that I have made (keeping house clean, better R with kids, trying to deal with finances (to that end she finally got a company CC but she still has to submit expenses and pay the bill herself, this is the standard for all employees at her Co.). She reluctantly acknoledges these items. I told her that change is something that is a slow evolution, and that if there is something specific that she wants me to work on then she needs to tall me. There is no way I can crawl inside her head to find out what it is she is expecting. I Also said that it seemed that she is looking for some large grandious change that will happen overnight so that she will sit up and take notice (A little venting there that in hind site maybe I need to stifle those things). -----------
Is the company credit card in her name, or the company's name?
Why do you think that cleaning house will directly affect your relationship? Are you a slob, or do you pick up after yourself?
----------- She does like to repeat that I have told her I have changed in the past but nothing seems to last, so she is (justifyably) sceptical. -----------
Why is she justified? What precisely is it that you have not done?
----------- The other item W brings up is that I am a product of my environment and that is ultimately who I will be (freudian speaks from her T im sure). She tried to imply that I can never change and that I need to accept that. I had to let her know that it is nice to know where you come from but that doesnt mean that change from that starting point is not possible. ------------
Why do you think she wants you to agree that you can't change?
For the record, people can and do change all the time.
quote: -------------- ... second was, is your hubby trying to mark his territory? The second comment seemed rather strange to me. Another one of those things to put in the back of my head as far as keeping my eyes open. --------------
Dogs will mark their territory even when there are no other dogs around. I do find the comment curious though, especially if there is another dog nosing around. In most corporate environments I have worked in, 'nosing around' was prevalent, by both genders. The problem with a marriage that is encountering difficulty, is that the spouses become weaker at resisting the allure of an affair, and more stupid about the consequences therein. This is why it is important for both spouses in marriage to resolve their issues in a timely manner (preaching at myself on the 'timely manner').
Waiting a couple of decades to fix your marriage is generally a bad idea :-)
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
You are very insightful. Sorry for the delay in responding. Was out of town with my kids . Wife went out of town on yet another business trip so i figured no point sticking around the house. The kids and I went out to my sister's house and had a great time! Glad I did it, I think it also is starting to send a message to W that life for me and my girls will go on with or without here (prefferably with).
On number one. I think what I should have said (reworking the goal) is to not start any R convos. If W wants to start one I need to VALIDATE (new understanding of what W may be looking for, had a GREAT session with new T that I researched and he opened my eyes a little) her feelings and avoid all defensive / self blasting behaviour. No statments like "I know what you are feeling I feel it too". All that needs to go out the door.
On number two, Again I think I have reworked that one (good insight from you and started reading and almost finished Love needs to be tough by Dr. Dobson), what I should have said is that I need to be quietly confident. No cracks and sadness. I need to be calm and confident in the midst of this storm.
3&4 I think again what I should have said was that I need to get more in tune with my kids (this weekend helped alot to that end). I need to start understanding what it is they need from me. D5 needs more loving tender affection she is very sensitive to her surroundings and is very much the perfectionist. D3 is more in need of consistent and disipline and boundries. She responds well to having limitations set even though she likes to push boundries daily (its the age I think). Bottom line for both is that they need to spend time with their dad with or without W. I just need to ensure that W is always invited to join us if she wishes.
Number 5 is a tough one. Still getting mixed signals on this one. On monday I sent her flowers to work. She was enraged (as I said in prior post). On thursday nite I had a few minutes before Martial arts and bought W a box of golf balls. On Saturday I wrote a note on them (I hope these "lucky" balls help you to shoot the best game of your life), gave them to D5 and asked her to give them to her. I got a hug from W! Most affection or show of appreciation ive seen in over two mnths! As far as compliments go, W fishes often, asked me before she left on Saturday if what she was wearing was ok, I responded with you look great. So compliments need to be well placed I think.
I understand what you are saying about seeming unsincere about compliments and am being careful to not come accross that way. Any more details on what should or should not be said would always be welcome.
Reworked goals: 1. Do not start any R convos, if W starts one simply validate (repeat back to her) what it is she is feeling from what she is saying. No defensive posturing or explaining of actions.
2. Stay calm and confident. No needy grabby wishy washy stuff.
3. Spend more time with kids (doing whatever), try to better understand my blossoming little ppl and what it is they need to flourish.
4. Compliment W without seeming unsincere. Continue with the toughtful (but not over the top) gifts. Nothing that speaks of love or relationships. Just thoughtful (might need to rework this one again).
Quote: --------------- I am curious. Are you always at fault in the relationship? Are you, as a couple, waiting on you individually, to miraculously arrive at some, as yet to be determined condition? ---------------
Yes most definitely. That seems to be the overriding line of thinking. In the past I have succome to that line of thinking and continued to change to make W happy. This is now stopping. It became clear from last convo with W that she is looking for some large miraculous change that would happen overnight and be everlasting. She fails to notice the little changes I have continued to make in my life. Again I have made the mistake of change for W. No more. I am changing and gaining self confidence day by day. Change is now for me and my self image. If this brings W closer then that would be WONDERFUL, but I cannot continue to expect that from W.
Quote: ------------------- Is the company credit card in her name, or the company's name? -------------------
Card is in her name but under company banner. In other words she is still responsible to pay the bills! I did have a convo with admin staff at her co. (never made the call just lucked out into talking to the person) and that is standard co policy. Card in persons name under the Co. I dont like it much but it is Co policy.
Quote: ------------------ Why do you think that cleaning house will directly affect your relationship? Are you a slob, or do you pick up after yourself? ------------------
In the past (up to a few months ago), W was always upset about the house not being clean, I told her that it is almost impossible to raise two small kids and have a constantly clean house. So I guess I was / am thinking that helping out in that reguard would be something she would appreciate. Again like above I think I was making change for W not for myself. Bad move. Funny thing tho, I have seemed to got accustomed to keeping the house clean and cant seem to stop. LOL. So I guess the clean house is now for me.. Go figure.
Quote: ------------- Why is she justified? What precisely is it that you have not done? ------------- I the past there were many convos about her not feeling validated and important. I missed the meaning, so in trying to calm the situation I would always say "ill try to change" but nothing lasting ever happened. I think this has alot to do with the current Sich. I know I am not the only party to balme her, but I do understand her reluctance to beleive that I am doing anything positive. I think I need to avoid talking about change, or more specifically, what it is that I am doing or trying to do and simply let her see and realize for herself. The more I talk about this the more it is taken the wrong way. More of the same here would not be a good move.
Quote: -------------- Why do you think she wants you to agree that you can't change?
For the record, people can and do change all the time. ---------------- I almost finished one of the books you recommended (aslo my new T recommended as well) and once I got the the section on spouses trying to justify guilt I thought I was experincing Dejavu. The statement of "I think we have outgrown each other" and the above one of change seems to point tot he fact she is trying to come to terms with her guilt over detachiung herself from our R. To date I still dont beleive that she is having an EA or PA but I think she is ripe for the picking and may be thinking of taking the next step in that direction. As you suggested (even though I really hate doing it) I am watching and looking for any hints to indicate this is the case. I truly hope I dont find them, but if I do I know (from Dr. Dobbson's Book) what I must do.
Quote: ----------------- Dogs will mark their territory even when there are no other dogs around. I do find the comment curious though, especially if there is another dog nosing around. In most corporate environments I have worked in, 'nosing around' was prevalent, by both genders. The problem with a marriage that is encountering difficulty, is that the spouses become weaker at resisting the allure of an affair, and more stupid about the consequences therein. This is why it is important for both spouses in marriage to resolve their issues in a timely manner (preaching at myself on the 'timely manner'). ---------------- I agree 100%, just wish I had this wisdom a year or more ago.
Thanks again for your insights they are always enlightening. Let me know if there is any other ideas / comments that you can forward to help me in this dark and stormy time.
Quote: -------------- Again I have made the mistake of change for W. No more. I am changing and gaining self confidence day by day. Change is now for me and my self image. If this brings W closer then that would be WONDERFUL, but I cannot continue to expect that from W. --------------
This is good, but you do need to make a change for her, you need to specifically figure out what her emotional needs are, and meet those. That is how you keep the affair monster at bay. The trick to personal change is figuring out what parts should be changed, and what requests are just a shotgun blast at the problem.
Just so you can get focused on this, please list out the current changes you are making to you and list the changes you are making for the relationship.
Also, what is it that your wife really needs from you that she is not getting? I will give you a hint about the most important one to her, it is likely the one you find hardest to do.
quote: ----------- I think I need to avoid talking about change, or more specifically, what it is that I am doing or trying to do and simply let her see and realize for herself. The more I talk about this the more it is taken the wrong way. More of the same here would not be a good move. -----------
Outstanding. ACTIONS are what matter. You can promise the world and deliver nothing, or you can deliver a pound of dirt and tell her you are still digging for the rest. Which one will she believe? Be long on goods, and short on talk.
I am still curious about the flowers making her mad. Do you think it was the money spent? Could it be that she didn't want someone at the office to know that you cared about her? I am not suggesting, I am wondering what your thoughts are.
You have really gone after fixing your marriage. This is good. Your marriage is worth it, your wife and kids are worth it. Keep it up.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: ------------- This is good, but you do need to make a change for her, you need to specifically figure out what her emotional needs are, and meet those. That is how you keep the affair monster at bay. The trick to personal change is figuring out what parts should be changed, and what requests are just a shotgun blast at the problem. --------------
I think this is the root of my problems. I honestly dont have a clue what it is she needs from me. The only thing I can venture a guess at is the financial situation. Currently here is my problem in that area. My work seems to be winding down. My partner and I are seriously looking at shutting things down. Daily things look bleaker. I think W is looking for me to quit and find a "real" job. The problem with this is that I will have to walk away from my partner and leave him holding the bag as it were. I am an extreemly loyal person and cant bring myself to walk away from my partner and his family (he has two D's and a W as well). Im not sure if this is the area that she is looking for change in but it is one that would rip my heart out if it is something that I need to try for W.
The other "guess" at her emotional needs is to try and validate her feelings and make her feel important. Validation for me as a male of the species seems a difficult task, from talking to my new T I am beggining to understand what that means. As far as making her feel important, this is a difficult one. I think I need to continue to plan outings with W and to show her appreciation (show not say) but I have to be careful not to come accross as a doormat. This is a tall order, but I think im up to this task.
Quote: --------------- Just so you can get focused on this, please list out the current changes you are making to you and list the changes you are making for the relationship.
Also, what is it that your wife really needs from you that she is not getting? I will give you a hint about the most important one to her, it is likely the one you find hardest to do. -------------
Currently I am trying to work on self image, working out, martial arts, reading tons (mostly R stuff). Working on my R with my kids, being more loving and spending more time with them. Trying to keep house clean, and as usual having supper going for the family nightly. Letting W know that she is more than welcome to take time for herself (in the past when I stayed locked up at home, I resented the fact that she was taking time for her self). One incident in the past was where she was out of town for 4 days and planned a nite out with the "girls" the next night after getting home. Also im trying to work on being consistently "un-angry". Im trying not to come accross holier than tho and to that end not talking about change etc.
Quote: --------------------- I am still curious about the flowers making her mad. Do you think it was the money spent? Could it be that she didn't want someone at the office to know that you cared about her? I am not suggesting, I am wondering what your thoughts are. ------------------
Im really not too sure here. I think it was more the financial motivation, but im really not 100% sure. To that end, I was looking for one of my books the other day and came accross some earrings "hidden away" in her night stand (she has a jewlery box where most items end up). These were a pair of Dragonfly earrings (she loves dragonfly stuff). At Xmas this year I went to alot of trouble to find her two sets. These ones that I found were not from me. W is not a person who will buy jewlery for herself. To that end, at her Xmas party last year, her boss and W gave her a dragonfly necklace (I was there as well), it seemed innocent enough (his W was there when she was given the item). The curious thing is that I check the box that these earrings were in after she left for her last trip to (left on Saturday and is back on Tuesday nite) and found them gone?! Im not sure if im being overly paranoid. I guess the question I have is weather I should ask her about these, and if I do how do I explain how I found them? Or should I wait till I have something more concrete to ask about? Any comments on this one?
In reading Dr. Dobson's book, there were a number of statments that I have heard directly from W that were word for word in the guild justification area of the book. I still dont beleive that there is an EA or PA going on but she may be "ripe for the pickin". My concern is that there is a specific "wine maker" who is cultivating her. Not too sure how to approach this subject. I fear that if I talk to her about this she will be very upset and angry that I dont show trust in her and cause a further deepening of the gap between us. I am almost thinking of hiring a private D to try and find out for sure. Any comments on what you might think would be appreciated.
Quote: ------------ You have really gone after fixing your marriage. This is good. Your marriage is worth it, your wife and kids are worth it. Keep it up. -------------
I am doing my best, it is a tough grind and the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I guess what they say about whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger, comes into play here. So my thinking I should be Superman after all this!
I hope and am beginning to pray (feel myself being pulled back to christianity) that God will show me what he wants me to do.
quote: ----------- Currently I am trying to work on self image, working out, martial arts, reading tons (mostly R stuff). Working on my R with my kids, being more loving and spending more time with them. Trying to keep house clean, and as usual having supper going for the family nightly. Letting W know that she is more than welcome to take time for herself (in the past when I stayed locked up at home, I resented the fact that she was taking time for her self). One incident in the past was where she was out of town for 4 days and planned a nite out with the "girls" the next night after getting home. Also im trying to work on being consistently "un-angry". Im trying not to come accross holier than tho and to that end not talking about change etc. -----------
If you are both working full time, then you clean up your part of the messes, and whatever messes the kids make when you are there alone with them. Leave her messes for her to clean up.
Also, I think you are making a mistake by facilitating inappropriate 'time for herself'. The night out after the trip was one of those.
What I am trying to figure out is where her sense of entitlement is coming from. It is obvious that you are a conflict avoider, and I see you addressing that issue. Your wife doesn't seem like a conflict avoider since she seems perfectly willing to blame you for everything wrong with everything. That behavior is typically seen in a wayward spouse, especially female wayward spouses.
I want to know if you have been abusive or controlling in your relationship, or if you have always been a doormat. Please be honest. I am not picking on you.
Regarding your last couple of paragraphs, with the earrings and the 'ripe for the picking', one of the most compelling issues for betrayed spouses is denial. You are worried that your wife might be upset if she doesn't feel that you trust her. I guarantee you that if you find out that she is involved in an inappropriate relationship, that SHE will be very upset with you. She will be angry that you didn't trust her - believe it or not.
I trust that my wife, MrsNOP will check me out if I start behaving more oddly than usual. I assure you, she knows I will do the same. I also don't care what she reads or looks at of mine. She has all my passwords. I have no secret accounts or secret cell phones.
Privacy and secrecy are two very different matters in a marriage. If your wife is keeping secrets, then you owe it to yourself and your kids to find out what the are. Privacy is holding a fart for the bathroom. Secrecy is kissing the boss in the copier room, or accepting gifts from a potential 'lover' and saying nothing.
Having said all that, if you are suspecting, then keep it to yourself for now, but make a plan to find out for sure. By waiting you may be facilitating the very thing you are trying to circumvent. In your case, if you can afford it, hire the PI. Tell him the same suspicions you have told me and any other oddities that you have noticed. If she gets a clean bill, then that is some of the best money you have ever spent, and you can throw yourself into recovering your marriage. If your suspicions are confirmed, then you will have solid proof to confront her with. Either way, you face your fears.
On the financial end of things, get yourself situated asap. Your partner may be willing to buy out your part of the business, or be willing to work with you on an equitable exit. Do whatever it takes to get situated with a regular paycheck and some decent benefits.
Prayer is good.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: ------------ If you are both working full time, then you clean up your part of the messes, and whatever messes the kids make when you are there alone with them. Leave her messes for her to clean up. ------------
Interesting idea. I think I will take this one under advisment. I think lately (last month or so) she has been picking up the slack as far as house cleaning goes. She seems to be making an effort to the the weekend cleaning (the painful stuff toilets etc) so I think I'll let this change in her attitude continue.
Quote: ---------- Also, I think you are making a mistake by facilitating inappropriate 'time for herself'. The night out after the trip was one of those. -----------
I think This one is a dangerous one. I think from my past history (I had a large chip on my shoulder) with reguards to her going out (to Yoga, golfing and the occasional girls nite out) that I need to show her that I dont mind her going out. Dont get me wrong here, if I see signs that she is not where she says she is then I will most definitely let her know I do not approve and may have to issue the ultimatum (if it is to have an EA or PA).
Quote: --------------- What I am trying to figure out is where her sense of entitlement is coming from. It is obvious that you are a conflict avoider, and I see you addressing that issue. Your wife doesn't seem like a conflict avoider since she seems perfectly willing to blame you for everything wrong with everything. That behavior is typically seen in a wayward spouse, especially female wayward spouses.
I want to know if you have been abusive or controlling in your relationship, or if you have always been a doormat. Please be honest. I am not picking on you. -------------
I think from our past I was perceived as (and I may be) controlling. I think I took her submissiveness to mean that she agreed with the course I was setting in our lives. Being the analytical person I am, I would think things out before sharing ideas and courses of action with her. This was a mistake. I now see that she needed to feel more a part of the decision making process. The unfortunate part of all this is that now she is digging in her heels on the most difficult decisions, how to deal with debt. I think she is pretty much planning her exit strategy and will not commit to any long term (5 Yrs) debt restructuring. She is looking for the quick fix and easy way out.
I have not always been a doormat. Even currently, if there is a large issue I have always stood firm. I think this is probably the greatest source of conflict in my R. I need to work to find ways of comprimise that will apease W and still allow me to agree with the solution.
I dont feel you are picking on me. I know I have my problems and am trying to identify and correct them. Any insights are always welcome.
Quote: ------------- Regarding your last couple of paragraphs, with the earrings and the 'ripe for the picking', one of the most compelling issues for betrayed spouses is denial. You are worried that your wife might be upset if she doesn't feel that you trust her. I guarantee you that if you find out that she is involved in an inappropriate relationship, that SHE will be very upset with you. She will be angry that you didn't trust her - believe it or not. -------------------
I can see that happening. I think tho I need to take the high road for now. All the while keeping my eyes open and doing my investigations privately. I really do hate having to stoop to such levels, it eats me alive daily. I called a PI today and have one at the ready if I feel there is a certain situation that I need to look into (as it were). Financially it would kill us to hire one. Its is something that I am going to need a little more "evidence" before I commit to this course of action. I agree it is better to know but not at the cost of sinking our already rocky finacial boat.
Quote: ----------------- I trust that my wife, MrsNOP will check me out if I start behaving more oddly than usual. I assure you, she knows I will do the same. I also don't care what she reads or looks at of mine. She has all my passwords. I have no secret accounts or secret cell phones.
Privacy and secrecy are two very different matters in a marriage. If your wife is keeping secrets, then you owe it to yourself and your kids to find out what the are. Privacy is holding a fart for the bathroom. Secrecy is kissing the boss in the copier room, or accepting gifts from a potential 'lover' and saying nothing. -----------------
I envy your R. Currently I think I have damaged (verbally) my W and our R to the point of things hanging by a thread. I need to show W some trust (guarded) and let her come to me, or if I find evidence that is too obvious then I will act. Until then I will remain calm and confident all the while keeping my eyes open.
Quote: ----------------------------- Having said all that, if you are suspecting, then keep it to yourself for now, but make a plan to find out for sure. By waiting you may be facilitating the very thing you are trying to circumvent. In your case, if you can afford it, hire the PI. Tell him the same suspicions you have told me and any other oddities that you have noticed. If she gets a clean bill, then that is some of the best money you have ever spent, and you can throw yourself into recovering your marriage. If your suspicions are confirmed, then you will have solid proof to confront her with. Either way, you face your fears. ------------------
I hear ya loud and clear. I dont have a definite "plan" but I am continuing my "investigations" and need to keep those on the down low for now. If her actions change (they havent so far) that is when I will definitely call upon the PI.
Quote: -------------- On the financial end of things, get yourself situated asap. Your partner may be willing to buy out your part of the business, or be willing to work with you on an equitable exit. Do whatever it takes to get situated with a regular paycheck and some decent benefits. --------------
This is a tough one. There really is no buyout possible. If I were to leave then he would be left holding the bag. I cannot do that to him. We are looking at shutting things down probably in the next few months. Probably by the end of the summer. We are also going to start inviting offers to buy us out from our competitors. They have always been chomping at the bit for our clients. This is a tough one to pull off but it is the path that we are looking at proceeding down. So hopefully there should be some kind of resolution in the next month or two.
Thanks again for the input and suggestions, it helps to know there are others out there that are willing to offer advice and suggestions on how best to deal with lifes up and downs (mostly downs right now).
What are your plans for after the business is dissolved?
If I were your wife, I would want to see you aggressively pursuing what comes next, in the form of sending out resumes and putting together a plan of action. I abhor uncertainty. I'm sure this has to do with growing up in the manner in which I did and I also left home at an early age. I can tolerate pretty much anything with regards to my husband's job plans, except indecision and uncertainty. I need to see him strong and capable. He is not always this way but that is my own challenge to work through.
With how you relate some of your convos with your wife, I can see how she would feel controlled. NOT that you are consciously trying to do that, but just in the particular communication patterns you employ with her.
I can't say what you should do about that, except to perhaps read some communication-in-relationships type books. I know lots of people love mars/venus but I personally hated it! Gottman writes really good communication books and I found them very useful and helpful, even to this day.
My H used to be controlling himself and it wasn't until recently (say, within the last year) that I have recognized it as a lack of communication skills coupled with fear--and not a desire to control, necessarily.
Good advice HP, I bet most wives hate uncertainty! BTW, could you give titles of the Gottman books?
HP sez: "I have recognized it as a lack of communication skills coupled with fear--and not a desire to control, necessarily." BINGO. Major disconnect between the words coming out of my mouth and the sentiment behind the words. (the words behind the words)
Quote: ----------- What are your plans for after the business is dissolved? -----------
Currently I have two options as well as working on my resume (posted on monster). One is to go to work for a consulting firm that pays a salary, the other is to work for a friends consulting firm that pays on commission. The second option is more attractive as I do have a number of clients that I could bring with me to enable me to make a decent wage to start with.
Quote: -------------- If I were your wife, I would want to see you aggressively pursuing what comes next, in the form of sending out resumes and putting together a plan of action. I abhor uncertainty. I'm sure this has to do with growing up in the manner in which I did and I also left home at an early age. I can tolerate pretty much anything with regards to my husband's job plans, except indecision and uncertainty. I need to see him strong and capable. He is not always this way but that is my own challenge to work through. -----------------
I hear ya loud and clear. The funny thing about all this is that even when we first met I was in a similar state of uncertainty and the thing that W told me she admired was my loyalty to my clients (she was one of them). The funny part is that is almost appears that thet loyalty is what is causing her problems. Funny how things change. I think that what you are saying here makes alot of sense and may be the tip of the iceburg for what W is looking for from me.
Quote: ------------ With how you relate some of your convos with your wife, I can see how she would feel controlled. NOT that you are consciously trying to do that, but just in the particular communication patterns you employ with her.
I can't say what you should do about that, except to perhaps read some communication-in-relationships type books. I know lots of people love mars/venus but I personally hated it!
Gottman writes really good communication books and I found them very useful and helpful, even to this day.
-----------
Read V&M didnt really do much for me as well. Do you have any titles from Gottman? I think I have read one (Seven Priciples..) and found it quite informative. I think Im just having problems applying the concepts. That is what Im actively working on with new T. Sometimes I think I have nothing but rocks in my head..
Quote: ---------------- My H used to be controlling himself and it wasn't until recently (say, within the last year) that I have recognized it as a lack of communication skills coupled with fear--and not a desire to control, necessarily. ----------------
EXACTLY. It seems lately that everything I say comes out the wrong way or gets taken the wrong way. So current strategy is to avoid talking about such items, until I can learn to better communicate on a level that W understands (from the heart not the head). Hopefully I can understand and communicate better soon!
Thanks for the insights. It helps to better understand where the problems are and what the view points are from the other sex.
. Wife went out of town on yet another business trip so i figured no point sticking around the house. The kids and I went out to my sister's house and had a great time! Glad I did it, I think it also is starting to send a message to W that life for me and my girls will go on with or without here (prefferably with).
