My WAW recently stated her plan for our future: “finish (renovating) the house, get a job and get out”. As part of her execution this plan, she is separating from me in multiple ways and I wonder how to stop this seemingly inevitable slide. Her reasons for leaving are that I am ‘not strong enough, never fight back’ and that she can ‘always outsmart me emotionally in an argument’.
Here are the ways we are separating:
Verbally: for example, she refers to our bedroom (where she no longer sleeps) as ‘my room’, instead of saying ‘my husband’, she says ‘the man’, and ‘our bed’ is now ‘your bed’. Beyond being hurtful, this seems a clever way to establish ‘fact’.
Physically: she has not slept with or touched me for more than a year now, and oddly, we have gotten used to avoiding contact with each other. I initially tried to touch her maybe once a day, but there has been no returned gesture, and I have basically given up. This is amazing given that we each work mostly at home, have basically all our meals together, etc.
Emotionally: while being friendly enough, she doesn’t ask how I am. We are unable to talk about anything interpersonal anymore, but remain friendly enough otherwise. We can’t even plan vacations together anymore, and the idea of taking a vacation without her (but with the kids) seems like having to confirm my own death.
I have been giving her space, pursued only a little (make nice lunches, help her out with work supplies, etc.). Now she talks about making a major effort this summer on renovating the house, is working on getting a job, and now I feel occasionally desperate. What shall I do? These small steps pushing us apart feel like water wearing down the Grand Canyon. Is there anything I can do to stop this slow slide to separate lives?
(somewhat) LuckyLuke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
