To be honest this time last year I really thought I'd be headed towards divorce court this time this year. I'm soooo glad to find that's not the case
This time last year I was full of anger/resentment/and hurt pride...one foot was out the door already and I felt myself shutting down towards my H emotionally...I was building a wall that he wasn't going to be able to break down...for me, once that last brick is in place....I'm done! I felt just as I did right before I left my ex...and I hated that.
True, we still aren't boinkin like bunnies at this point. But we have definitely begun to grow closer. And now that we have found our new counselor (who we both really like) things are really looking up for us.
It was so encouraging to me when my H came to me and told me how much he preferred our new counselor over his last one...the one he'd been going to for 7-8 months. My H told me that his previous therapist had been concentrating mainly on bio-feedback and not talking. Well no friggin wonder things aren't changing much.
He told me he felt more like a guinea pig than anything else and that he didn't really quite agree with some of the stuff they'd been doing, but that he kept going along with it thinking that at some point it would all make sense. Which it wasn't. So that explains why we've been for all intense and purposes spinning our wheeles....DOH!
This lets me know that the improvements we have made so far, and there have been some, have been due to OUR efforts in communication (which is an area we still REALLY need to work on.) But that's just proof to me that COMMUNICATION REALLY IS THE KEY.
Of course I have to wonder if we had been going to our new therapist all along where would we be today....but you know what? I'm not going to dwell on that. We have now found someone we both really like...time to start fresh with her.
I can't wait to see where we are at a year from now!
That is great!! I hope it continues to get better and better for you. Your story gives me hope that maybe there is a possibility in my marriage working. ZI heard this great story on the Dr. Phil show. He asked this couple how they stayed married for 50 plus years. The woman responded by saying because both of us didn't give up at the same time. Which means one of them was always working on it even if the other one had distanced themselves.
reading your post...the bit where you say you build walls...thats me I know why its a protection thing, dont let them in so they cant hurt you anymore, but while you are doing that you cant let the ones in that are hurting you, and they cant try and make any ground. so my question to you is....how did you do that, let your guard down? Ang
Just thought I'd post an update on the stich between my LDH and I. All in all I think things are going very well....so much better than I thought they would be merely twelve months ago.
There is a definite feeling of love in our home now, which has been so utterly absent for so long. Not because we didn't love each other...but because we didn't know how to show it to each other.
I can simply FEEEEEL that we are on the verge of breaking through our sexual barrier. I have NEVER seen my H behave the way he is now...he's happy! He's relaxed! I catch him just looking at me and our son together, or just me by myself in a very loving way. He jokes with me now, he talks with me about our R, tells me what type of clothing he finds sexy on me, and is now beginning to bring up sexual topics on his own. We discuss things brought up on this BB and he openly gives me his opinions on them. I have invited him to join the BB, but he prefers to leave "posting" to me...but he is very supportive of my participation and feels it has actually been beneficial for both of us because I have been able to gain a greater understanding of what he's going through.
I also now know that one of his hang-ups is that he is very self-concious about how long he lasts when we do ML. It obviously bothers him because he brings things up like "now if only it wasn't over so fast!" as if he expects for me to agree with him. So this past Saturday morning when he brought that up I just looked up at him and said "have I ever complained to you about how long you last" to which he said "ummm, well no but..." I said but nothing...I've never complained about that because for me it's not how long it lasts....it's the quality of the time together. If you are worried that I need actual intercourse to have an orgasm then don't, there are MANY other things we can do which are just fine by me " I think this time he actually believed me too...which he should, I was shooting straight with him.
I've kind of held off posting about how things are going around our house because I guess I was waiting for the other shoe to drop...for things to revert back, for me to feel that pain of disappointment yet again. But so far that doesn't seem to be happening. I know it could again in the future, but now I feel better equipped to handle it if it does.
My H isnow a happy man when he's home and I'm happy to be home with him. He's beginning to call or e-mail just to say he loves me....which makes me feel WONDERFUL...and I let him know that and try to do things that I know make him feel loved/cared for too.
It's now beginning to feel they way I knew it could between us. The physical part will just be the icing on the cake....and that I KNOW is merely a matter of time now.
But you know what has gotten us to that point? Love, Communication...and persistence!
GEL, That is GREAT!! It's fantastic that Mr. GEL has not only stepped up to the plate, but seems to have hit a homer.
Cinema-who is still trying to get Mr. Nymph out of the dugout.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
He really is doing great I must admit. I think this weekend really hit it home for me. He had to be gone overnight one of the days, to a spot where his cell phone doesn't get reception (by a lake)...but as he was leaving our coverage area, he called to say he loved me...and then again as soon as he got back in. It made me feel really good. Then of course last night when we were in bed he reiterated how much he missed me (we were both too pooped to ML) but just hearing how much he thought of me made me feel great!
I spent all day painting our kitchen while he was gone and watching our S...I couldn't believe how much I kept thinking about him, that too felt great! It was then that I realized the change that had really taken place. I knew that things had improved, but when I stopped to think and to recognize what had happened it really hit me.
I was soooo happy...I even danced around the house to the Wiggles with my 1.5 yr old It's really nice to feel "In Love" again.
Dancing to the Wiggles, you must be in love, GEL !
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
GEL: Congratualtions. You're making some people here envious (yes, myself included I grudgingly admit)! It will surely encourage me to know this: How long did it take you to get to this point? Did you rely on any self help other than SSM ? You've seem my posts and I know it took a long time to get to my sitch.
