Wow, it finally happened. This morning my H told me was packing up his house on Tuesday and was moving out of his little house. I asked where he was going to move and he said either with me or to his friend's house. We are going to talk Sunday evening about him moving in with me and what our expectations would be and what we can and cannot live with. One part of me is really excited about the possibility that he will come back with me. Another part is really scared.
I really don't want to blow this. Obviously, my DBing efforts have paid off. Not just for him, but for me too. I feel so much better about me than I ever have in my life!
But I am so scared of things falling back into the same crap we had before. I want to make sure I don't let that happen. One thing I know is if he does come back, I am going to need you all even more than ever. I am so glad you are here. I will probably also need to spend a little extra time at C.
There are a lot of things he and I need to clarify, some things we have not even talked about yet and I know some of it will have to do with my S16 who still lives with me. And my family who isn't crazy about him and neither are they about him. But I've learned some things about my family through all of this. They are very judgemental and unforgiving--and I have been that too. I am working really hard at getting me out of that. But I'm not as worried about them as I am about my kids. My D21 just moved to another state. She is actually coming around to forgiveness. My S16 is still pretty angry and unforgiving although he has softened a little. He doesn't want me to be hurt.
I hope we can make this work. I always thought M was hard before, but I didn't realize that it can be much harder and I wasn't putting in the effort that I am now. I know I have to continue putting in that effort and I'm so glad you are all here for advice and support.
I'm so nervous about our talk tomorrow about living together. I'm pretty sure I know what I need to do for me, but I'm worried about negotiable and nonnegotiable issues. We are both control freaks, he in an outward, assertive way and me in a passive, manipulative way. I've got to be able to do this without reverting to the manipulating and lying to get control. I have been doing really well at it lately, but I'm so scared I will fall back into it. Any words of encouragement or advice?
I am fairly new to this, but would suggest focusing on the positives you have had with H.
I would also suggest going in with a very open mind and think before responding to any suggestions he has to make. Listen, really hear what H is saying when you talk and respond with what you feel you can do. You have done alot to get to this point.
You obviously have been doing something right if H is willing to talk about moving back in. You definately have to continue doing what has been working. Maybe take some time to write down everything that you feel has helped you up to this point. Then, if you feel like things aren't going well when H moves back in you can pull your list out and regroup.
Don't know if this helps, hope things go well for you. Sherry
Sherry, that does help. Thank you. My mind is a little boggled right now so the idea of writing things down is good. And keep doing what is working, and keep listening and keep my mind open--all things I didn't do before! I think I can, I think I can!
