I have no idea about the vibration but it would turn me on much more to see a guy riding a piece of shiit bike than some fancy crotch rocket.
I have sat here and tried to figure out why and the only thing I can come up with is that the guy with the fancy pants bike probably would be more interested in spending time with his bike than me.
Jenny wrote: ------------- I have to say you HD guys are really bogueing my high. First NOPkins with his "not in a thunderstorm" thing... -------------
Minor correction - not in a SEVERE thunderstorm :-)
I know that doing it while the ceiling blows away is wonderfully romantic, but yep, even I have limitations ;-)
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Good points. What I am looking for is how does a LD express a unique type of desire to their spouse that is NOT PT. My wife has different love languages, maybe acts of serive. So to her maybe the following actions on her part show love:
1) Take care of the kids. 2) Clean the house. 3) Pay the bills. 4) Go out to dinner. 5) Be in the same room together. 6) Time together. 7) Gifts and cards. 8) Hugging and kissing that is not sexual in nature.
Basically, from what I see, everything that she seems to find important enough to do just seems to be something that she would do for just about ANYONE. I can not see anything that she does for me that is unique to me. I am treated no better then kids and relatives, and in many ways I am actually treated WORSE.
So if you are LD and physical touch is not you ticket, then how can you possibly show love (desire) in a way that is actually meaningful to your spouse?
Well, Cemar, I don't think the problem is that she is LD or has the 'wrong' love language but rather that the two of you have allowed your R to deteriorate to such a point that neither of you want to do special things for the other, to show that unique "couple" kinda love.
My H is an acts of service man but he does lots of things for me that he wouldn't do for other people. For example, he runs a bath for me or gives me a backrub or (attempts to) cooks dinner so I don't have to do it.
If your wife doesn't want to do anything nice for you, then you need to ask her why that is and what you can do to rectify the dung heap that your marriage has become--but just because a person is not a PT person doesn't necessarily mean that they can't show unique 'couple' love or affection...THAT is a choice.
JJ wrote --------- My sister would think that the man might kick his dog because he is repressing his sex drive which is good and the frustration is coming out as violence which is bad. Therefore, he ought to go out and get laid so he won't hurt the innocent animal. ---------
JJ, I often thought what would happen if the suicide bombers and the other haters in the world would be locked up and forced to have loving sex with a steady partner 4 times a day. After all part of their reward in paradise is the gift of 72 virgins.
It would be interesting to see if there is a correlation between having lots of sex and a non-violent society.
My FIL is a violent man and I've often wondered if lack of sex had anything to do with it. I realize that it is not an excuse but I do think that if he had a sexual outlet (which he does not, MIL hasn't slept with him in over 25 years--they are 65 now) that he would not be so stressed and crabby and quick to hit.
I would NEVER leave my children there with him alone, that's for certain, and I even feel pangs of uncertainty when MIL is there. He has a very difficult time reigning in his anger.
Ce, I was thinking about this very thing just the other night. It takes me (I am not going to speak for other LDs) a lot of thought to feel even the faintest spark, and many more mental gymnastics to fan that spark to a flame and yet more thought to take that flame to action and see it through to a satisfying conclusion. I do this quite often, in hopes that I will reach that sexual nirvana that I have read/heard about. I am envious of those who can get to desire easily. I've often wished that I were of higher desire.
I want to offer an anology: Imagine an alcoholic who has to walk past several bars on his way to work. He has to deal with the urge to drink and all the destruction associated with drinking as he passes each tavern. Depleted of most of his energy, he finally gets to work and either does his work by rote or hopes he can nap unnoticed.
I am posting this for you Ce, so maybe you can try to begin to see the other side. You say you can't possibly imagine not wanting to be touched. Try to understand that your W may have very good reasons for not wanting to be touched and they may or may not have anything to do with you. Make it easier for her to come to you and tell you what she is thinking and feeling. Try this question, "I want to be a better husband, can you tell me how I can do that?" Then let her think about it. Demonstrate that you are strong enough to deal with whatever she has to say.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Quote: OG and HP, I've always thought that a lot of the world's problems are due to lack of sex and chocolate.
Yum
This I've put alot of thought into and it's hard. special in jokes between you? Yes she'll have in jokes with other close freinds, but not the special ones she has with you. Shared memories, compliments. Part of it is the vibe put into the activities, which is extremely hard to quanitfy.
My H is very non verbal, and I NEED a certain amount of verbal attention. His primary love language is acts of service, so there was a time when we weren't connected that he just came across as a decent human being, a roommate, instead of a husband who wanted me as his very own special wife. The actions may not have been any different, but the attitude sure was.
Have you ever had a moment of feeling love wash over you from somthing she did or said that was non physically connected? (My H filled my gas tank and when I noticed, I got a rush of "wow, he loves me".)
When she feels a sense of love for you what does she do? What does she say she does? Sometimes, because my H is also oblivious to things that are right, I will tell him that I had a love rush for him and to show it I did the laundry, or sewed on that button, or am spending some time with doing this or that with you.
What does your wife say she does when she wants to emotionally connect with you?
I sit on his lap (can't with the kids). Of course I'm rather willing to sit in any man's lap whom I like and trust and is pleased with a lap full of me. So that doesn't help much.
As a fairly HD man, I can tell you that my happiness (or anger) is strongly determined by sex. I fortunately have not resorted to violence, but a man's disposition can be greatly influenced by sex, and the higher the sex drive, the more it will impact him. In fact, as a HD man with little sex, I would think that it would be virtually impossible to be happy overall. Sure, individual things can cause happiness, but overall happiness is really not possible if you are sex starved. It will cause low grade anger, and I can see where a man could lose his cool over it.
So that doesn't help much.