Saw XW tonite. She had the kids for a few hours. I went to pick them up so she wouldn't have to chase. She thanked me for that. She invited me in and we watched t.v. and had a very nice conversation for about a half hour. I made no mention about going up north this weekend and she didn't either. I got a phone call on my cell while I was there and I told the person that I was talking to that my plans changed and I wasn't going out of town. When we left, XW asked what I was going to do this weekend. I told her that I was going out. She asked where and then said that she might see me there. I said goodbye and she gave me a hug and said thanks. We are definately taking a lot of baby steps here. I had no contact with her for several months and now we have been out together for the past 2 weekends and it sounds like we will be again this weekend. I think that there is hope. If nothing else, I have a very good friend back. I told her along time ago that we had to be better friends again for anything to ever work. Maybe this is the start of a new R. Who knows. Thats it for now, I'll keep the board posted as to what happens this weekend. Peace out,
W has now submitted a proposed settlement. I'm at the stage of working with my lawyer and I can't foresee my EW with me in a new realtionship. How did you feel when you were at my stage?
I already left you a post at the other thread, but I had an afterthought - playing upbeat songs helps, really corny ones like 'It's not right but it's okay' (Whitney Houston) and 'I'm a survivor' etc.
Turn up volume really loud and listen to people singing about what a loser their ex is. Don't actually get hateful towards W, but it helps hearing lyrics like that when you are in pain.
Well, I saw XW tonight. We had a great time again. Her and a friend came out. We spent about 4 hours together. Had a great time, played darts all night. There were several times that we had contact. Several kisses, she touched me in places that really surprised me. Then at about 2:30, she got the call from her b/f. I only heard half the conversation, but I got the impression that she was going to see him after she left me. I got pretty pissed off and left. She called me about 5 mins later on my cell. I was pretty upset, I was very emotional. I told her that I was not about to play games. As I was sitting in my driveway talking to her, she pulled in my drive. We talked for about half an hour. She told me that she really didn't know what to do. She said that she was still very much in love with me, but she is worried about all the what if's. I told her that she had to listen to what her heart told her. She told me that she didn't know what that was at this point. She said that her b/f keeps telling her that he needed his space, then he calls her and tells her that he misses her. She says that she feels that he is putting her on the back burner. I told her that he must be a fool for telling her these things. I told her again how I felt and that any body that couldn't see how special she was didn't deserve her. We held each other for quite some time and cried together again. I told her that she had two choices. She could go home and be alone, or she could stay and spend the night in my arms. She said that she needed to be alone. I think that her b/f will be waiting for her when she gets home. I don't know for sure. She just called me to let me know that she made it home alright. I could tell that she was still upset by the sound of her voice. I told her that I wasn't going to call her because I didn't want her to feel pressured. She told me that her cell was always on and I could call anytime. I guess that it's time to ask God to handle this. I told her that she had to make the choice herself. I can't help her. God, all I want is for her to be happy. Please take her in your arms and lead her to that happyness. In Jesus name, Amen
That's great! It's totally obvious to me reading that post that she still loves you and doesn't love OM.
Don't get upset about OM or you might ruin it. She doesn't love him so pretty soon it will burn out anyway, like it did with my H and his OW, because he wants ME.
You sound like you are winning, mate, so it would be a shame to get too emotional. It's great that she stopped to talk to you, that shows real caring.
She is scared of the old behaviours which drew her away in the first place. Don't confirm her fears, just act loving and show her a good time, make it safe for her to love you like she wants to anyway - and then you will probably be posting your success story before I do!
Hi every one. I wrote XW a letter today and I wanted to share it with the board and hopefully get some feed back on it before I give it to her. Please read it and give me any advice that you can offer.
Hi Jenni, Here we are again. Who would have thought that we would be in this sitch. You made a comment last night about the what if’s. Well, I have given it a lot of thought and I even went down by the lake this morning and spent about half an hour looking over the water and talking to God. I hope that you don’t mind getting this, but it feels right so I have to write it. We all have to make decisions in life. The decisions that we make and the chances that we take will follow us for the rest of our lives. A lot of the decisions we make are great, but unfortunately some of them turn into mistakes. Mistakes are what we learn from. Making a mistake is all too often part of live. There is nothing that we can do to change what we have done because it is already in the past. The secret here is to learn from those mistakes. They can be a great tool that we can use to plan what our future decisions will be. I made a lot of mistakes. The good thing is that I can admit that some of my decisions were mistakes, and in turn, I can learn from them. I too have though about all the what if’s. Let’s take a few moments to reflect on a lot of what if’s. What if Chris Columbus listened to everyone telling him that he was nuts. What if he hadn’t set sail on day in search of a shorter way to reach India. What if Ben Franklin hadn’t been drunk one day and decided to fly a kite in a thunder storm. (Quick history lesson here. Did you know that Ben Franklin actually started the first Fire Department in the U.S.) O.K. back to business here. What if Abe Lincoln hadn’t wanted to free the slaves. What if Jesus hadn’t been willing to die for our sins. I think you probably get the point that I am trying to make. One more. What if you hadn’t taken the chance and given me that kiss twelve years ago in Jim’s kitchen. The world is full of what if’s. I know all about all the what if’s that YOU have been thinking about. I have thought about them too. What if she comes back and I can’t keep her happy. What if she comes back and I go back to my old ways. Believe me Jenni, I have thought about them too. Well, what if you do come back. It won’t always be easy. I can promise you that. The secret is that when two people are deeply in love with one another, they work through the hard times and they enjoy the good times. What if I hadn’t called you three weeks ago and asked you out for a drink. The world is full of what if’s. What if you go your way and I go mine. Five years from know we might look back and say wow, what if. Life is full of those decisions and chances. If we don’t take chances, we will never know what might have been. I am a very strong believer, as you know, that absolutely everything happens for a reason. We may never know what those reasons are, but it is not for us to decide. God wanted this to happen to us. Our divorce was planned way before you and I were ever even born. He has a master plan for all of us. Who knows, maybe we weren’t meant to be together. But, maybe we were and this divorce was meant to draw us closer together by working through the hard times. All I know is how I feel in my heart and in my gut. I have to listen to my heart and do what my gut tells me to do. I think that it’s Gods way of telling me what he wants. I have asked God to take this in his hands and handle it for me. I really think that he is telling me what he wants. I want you to know that I am not writing this to try to help you make your decisions. You have to do it on your own with Gods help. I am writing this to tell you how I have been making my decisions. Writing this was a decision that I have made. It might turn into a mistake, but it’s a chance that I feel that I have to take. I want you to know that I am worried about you. I know what you are going through, and Im praying for you. I will always have a clean shoulder for you to cry on. Good luck and God bless you,
Well from a John Wayne type here's what I think: 1. you are lecturing 2. I can't find the answer Get to the point. If you love her tell her and leave God out of it. This is between her and you.
Tag I appreciate your opinion about my lecturing. I never thought about it that way. I do however have to argue with you about leaving God out of it. If he wasn't part of it, it wouldn't be as far along as it is. Thanks for the input, Engine
I agree that it seems like lecturing, especially the second paragraph when you used the word "mistake" about 20 times. She will not want to be told it was all a big mistake. Let her save face by thinking it was all totally justified at the time, and now, she is making a new decision, not taking back the old one.
Make it a lot shorter and get the points you really want to get across: that you love her, and that you send her good wishes in her decision making (and will accept whatever she decides). Keep the pressure off at all costs.
