Bought S5 new 4-wheeler. I'm overcompisating for his mother's demon's that i cannot fix. I can only fix my demon's. Hopefully we can get an agreement this week. WAW had S5 call me Monday and invite me to his T-ball practice and S5 said Mommy's says it's ok. Yeah that is very nice of her, but you got a restraining order agaisnt me. So no, I won't be going to anyplace she is at until it is dropped.
Here is what my L sent her L
Quote: My client has some new concerns. S5, their son, has been calling H. Of course, H is happy to talk with S5, but some issues have arisen with the temporary CPO. S5 told H that WAW said it would be okay for H to come to S5's T-Ball game tonight. I have advised H, that although it is nice of WAW to suggest that she will not complain if he comes to the game, it is much better for him to stay away from her until the CPO is dropped. So, although I am sure your client is just attempting to be kind, please remind her that H cannot be in her presence until the CPO is dropped.
So now WAW is saying I'm a bad dad for not going to his events. WAW get a clue!!!!!!!!!
Although it seems they call it something different - It takes a different prospective on the same topic.
I'm not going to talk about my situation for awhile - I'm just going to focus on me for the next 2 months.
I am going to start intensive outpatient treatment for alcohol. This is my choice - I set it up all be myself and I don't care if it draws WAW back - this is what i want to do. I've also started playing softball 3 nights a week. And the day my D is final I am rewarding myself with a Lexus RX300 for all the hard work I put into my M.
Another way of looking at "No Contact" By Madeline
Hi Everyone --
I see that a lot of the posts lately have been about the "no contact" rule and whether it's really for the best. I just wanted to share a thought about it. Obviously, the major reason for having no contact with the ex is just to avoid being triggered by the sight and sound of them into missing them, remembering them, longing for them. But there's something else. If you've read my earlier thread called "Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water," you'll know that out of the blue, my ex wrote to me asking if I would have a cup of coffee with him to talk about "what happened." I deleted the message, and it will be a cold day in hell before I respond. I've been wondering why I feel so good about doing that, why for the first time since our breakup I woke up smiling and thinking -- there is life after this guy. I realize that it's because I'm taking back a little bit of the power he took from me and abused. By saying, "No, I am no longer here to be your little puppydog, and be grateful for every nasty little bone you throw me," I'm making a statement about what I will and won't accept -- I will NOT be "buddies" with someone who took my heart and my trust and trampled over it; I will NOT accept his phony, self-serving apologies that mean absolutely nothing; I will NOT sit around praying for a reunion with someone who ignored all of my needs, feelings and love and left me crying myself to sleep for months. It's as if he's hit the ball back into my court -- and I decided to put the raquet down, leave the game, and go find myself someone nicer to play with -- someone who plays fair. So "no contact" isn't just about not exposing yourself to the painful sight of someone you still love -- it's about taking your power and self-respect back, and saying, "well, you might not love me, and that's your right, but it's also my right to say, 'you're not good enough to be my friend, and I don't want to give you the time of day.'" And it feels GOOD to say that. With every day you don't contact him or her, that is exactly what you're saying, and trust me, they do notice it.
Agreement reached and heard in front of the court this morning. My D will be final next week because we are still under 6 weeks since it was filed.
Highlight of the day - One of my best friends W is my attorney. During the statements she said to me "Is this your W sitting next to you?" I justed looked at my attorney and smiled because she was sitting next to me. Then she said "Is that your W sitting over there.?"
Anyway - My attorney is a little princess and my friend is lucky to have such a woman of integrity.
At this point I'm dropping the raquet - see previous post
W did Texted message me yesterday "We'll will work something out "
Update to life; I feel like typing alot today. So I'm going to put my feelings out there. Any thoughts would be greatly apreciated.
Last night I was with my friends and was trying to make a bet on which one of them would get married first. They both told me that I would be back with my WAW before they got married. We will see.
The restraining order got dropped. WAW emails me first thing the morning about S5 and then called. I told her I was sorry and I really do want to get along for S5 sake, she agreed. First time I've talked to her since April. I wasn't upset talking to her at all. In the past I would be trying to figure out why?
I'm refocused on myself, like never before. I understand that I'm in no position to carry on with a bad marriage. What do I mean by that? I love her, hate her, angry at her, jeaslous of her, pity her, and love her again. I have to be in a stable position to get in any relationship. If the phone calls and emails start up again like before, I am simply going to explain to WAW what I just put in this paragraph and that all contact should be keeped to a mininium. Not because I want her back, because I just need space to figure out me.
The thought of re-marrying my WAW someday is not a thought I currently entertain.(might happen someday) Why do I still type on this board, because I know DB'ing works. And Michelle states that "People who follow her program will end up happier with or without WAW" I believe that to be true. GAL is key!!!!!!
My GAL - moving forward
Bought Lexus RX300 yesterday Still very involved with my Church - love that place Law School in the near future Intensive outpatient alcohol treatment - starts next week Softball Not hurting about my Divorce - God has forgiven me - the big guy up stairs is who I need to please. That is my struggle. I know who I want to be, I just need to get there.
You see the diffence is me - I'm not doing these things to get WAW back, I'm doing them for me.
I'm going to miss all S5 T-ball games because of treatment and I don't feel bad. Because if I don't get help - his Dad could be DEAD soon.
WAW has avoided picking up S5 twice in the last week. She has had MIL and FIL pick him up.
Emails and phone calls back and forth about S5.
WAW saw new Lexus on Friday when I picked up S5 at the house and she put his playstation 2 in the back of the Lexus. She didn't say a word about it, but it doesn't matter. I got the Lexus for me and not to make her mad. I wanted to get it a year ago and my previous L told me to wait until the D was finalized. So I have been dreaming of it for a year.
From my treatment - WAW is a trigger that causes me to drink and she creates a great deal of stress in my life. That doesn't mean she makes me drink, but she sure doesn't help. It is nice to have a little bit of the blame taken off of me.
Contact in the future - Next time WAW contacts me with random questions or comments about S5 or anything. I am going to inform her that all contact must happen during the nightly phone call to S5. Unless of an emergency. This will help reduce stress in my life. I hate sitting at work and here comes an email or texted message from WAW. Not that I don't care or love her or want to ignore her. I have to concentrate at work and an email from her, I lose focus on the task at hand.
Akron- Do you think you could talk a little more about the role alcohol played in your R with WAW? You made a comment that said your W didn't cause you to drink but she sure didn't make things any easier. My H has said the same things to me so I'm interested to hear some things from the perspective of the drinker that I cannot seem to get my H to share with me.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
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