Okay. So, you've got some egg on your face and some poop on your shoes. You're not perfect. You're not blameless. You're just another person who occasionally fails, just like the rest of us humans.
But, this can be overcome.
You and NG can still have the marriage that you both always wanted.
But you'll have to stop the affair and step out from behind the curtain.
"...a broken and a contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." -Psalm 51:17. "
I've seen NG's broken and contrite heart.
You are faced with a monumental choice that will greatly determine the rest of your life. You can choose to stay in a place of anger, resentment, haughtiness and entitlement, or you can present your heart before God, contrite and broken.
quote: ----------------- The fact is that there is no affair, and my heart before God is an open book. -----------------
If you believe in godly omnipotence, then everyone's heart is an open book before God.
Now, tell me what the 'facts' are. You want a soapbox, have at it.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
So, in the mean time, let's address your other affairs.
Why don't you start off telling us about them. Who they were with (no names), how long they lasted. What were the physical and emotional components.
Also, have you reconciled why you had the affairs and what caused the character issues with you.
I am really curious as to how you and nicegal dealt with the pain caused by your actions.
Thanks, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
OK. Simple answer to why. I justified looking at porn by the lack of sex in my M. It made me feel "less lonely" for awhile, but that soon wore off.
Once my senses were dulled to porn, I wound up emailing and eventually talking on the telephone to a few women I met online in chat rooms. It was mostly sex talk. This continued for maybe 6 months, but I don't remember exactly. NG has the records, so I'm sure she could say exactly.
There were no physical components to any of it, but it carried the illusion of feeling wanted. I had never felt that before, and it was inticing although I knew it wasn't real.
The character issue was simply that I deceived myself into thinking I was justified in looking at porn. The rest was just the slippery slope.
When NG found out, she demanded that I see a counselor for sexual addiction. I agreed and went a few times. At the last session, he told me that he didn't think I was dealing with an addiction, but that it could have become one if it had gone longer.
Your question about dealing with the pain of it is difficult for me to answer. I went from denying to lying to apologizing to listening to giving up.
During the listening stage, I heard how much I had hurt NG. She explained that she felt betrayed, even though it wasn't a PA. What she described sounded a lot like my feelings about our SSM. I made the mistake of saying so once or twice, but I learned that by doing so made her feel invalidated. We went through about 18 months of hell every day as she hurt and told me about it.
Regardless of what anyone may think, I am someone to whom character means a lot. I repaired the cracks I allowed to form and have avoided the same behaviors since. I made a real choice to not let myself get in that place again. I don't always control my thoughts as well as I should, but I've kept that promise to myself and NG.
So you've been carrying on a relationship with another woman, the details of which are currently unknown, and unbeknownst to your wife, while you blasted her for not keeping her promises to you over the years. You've kept this R secret and it was only revealed because HER spyware trumped YOUR spyware.
Do you see why we strangers on this bb (let alone your wife) are having a hard time believing that character means as much to you as you say it does?
Sure. But you're assuming "facts not in evidence".
I'm not carrying on with any woman in any way. My "secret email account" was posted the day after you posted your pics (last fall?) because I didn't want to put my pic on the bb. I used it for whomever wanted my to email it to them. This W did, along with some others that post here, and I sent it to her.
We emailed back and forth an average of maybe twice a week for a few months. We haven't had any contact since last month. I talked with her mostly about her PMA since D, flirted in the same way as I have with you and other W here, and made sexual comments and jokes (that HD has been known to call me sick for). That's it.
I elected not to take her cell phone number and told her why. I did tell her I love her and she did me. BTW, I love you guys, too. That's all there was to it. I meant it as a friend and I'm sure she did, too.
The "trumped spyware" was the result of my work contracting with a computer maintenance company. They installed SpyBot on all the computers. I think it's an intrusion protection software, but NOP could probably correct me on this. It's on NG's computer, too.
If she's reading this thread, the "OW" will have a difficult time figuring out that she's the one I'm supposed to be having an affair with. That is, unless NG informed her. That's because I'm not having an affair with her or anyone else. No EA, IA, EmailA, or PA here.
I tried to reply to your post, but it was deleted.
I didn't mean the 18 months of hell to be mine alone. I thought I said "we".
I really felt your hurt then. I was embarassed by my actions and knew I had done wrong. I don't deny that I tried to "duck and run" from hearing how I hurt you. I still do.
I never thought that my saying "doll" would hurt you as you say. Neither did I know you missed hearing it from me. I'm sorry.
1) The two of you knew that I was Nicegal, your wife, before I ever disclosed it and talked about it.
2) You told her in one email that you checked 42 times looking for an email from her.
3) When she signed emails she said "I love you" and you did the same...you called her "doll"...a special name that I thought belonged to me. You called her "gorgeous". YOu called her "babe". You called her "Sexy". You also called each other sweetie, sweet thang. She told you her full name.
4)You told her she deserved to have a meaningless "fling" in a hotel.
5)You talked about how her H didn't find out her sexual desires...etc and then said "Why wouldn't a man appreciate a woman that was as honest and open as you?"
There's lots more...no need to put it all...just this one friendship conversation:
I started to quote it and decided not to. YOu talked about how she needed someone mature to give back to her as much as she gave out. Then you said how you were perfectly willing to get on all 4's for her. It was your favorite position to eat pussy.
I don't need to give every detail. I think this is enough. But the picture you describe and the one I see is quite different.
This is about your M with you wife and not looking good to these people here.
I don't know what you want to call this that you had. But I think that if I had carried on with a person in this manner you would be...well, as you told your "friend"...it wouldn't bother you????
