You do whatever you need to do to keep yourself intact and functional until the initial shock wears off.
That includes asking barney to stay somewhere else for a while if it makes you feel safer.
Betrayal is likely to leave you feeling very unsafe.
You do whatever you need to do in order to feel safe.
MrsNOP and I will be checking in here all weekend so that you can talk to us if you need or want to.
God Bless you. -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: You do whatever you need to do in order to feel safe.
MrsNOP and I will be checking in here all weekend so that you can talk to us if you need or want to.
God Bless you. -NOPkins-
NOP,
I don't know if nicegal can consider this forum a safe place, considering Barney and the OW are probably on here too. Maybe you should consider offering your email in case nicegal would like to talk to you privately? I only suggest that because both you and your wife have been helping, and there seems to be an element of trust.
Regards,
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
NG, I have been following your threads, but did not have any words of wisdom that I could offer. Now I pray that you and Barn are lead in a direction that offers healing to you both.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
I'm so sorry to hear about the direction that things have turned. I know that this can't be an easy time for you, to say the very least. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I do hope that you will stay here with us, no matter what the circumstances. You really have a lot to offer to us all, and you have made some very wonderful friends here to help offer you support, and share their wisdom.
Take care of yourself, and hopefully we'll be "talking" more soon!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Quote: Maybe you should consider offering your email in case nicegal would like to talk to you privately?
You know what? Ignore this - it's a dopey idea.
nicegal:
I'm really sad for you that it has come to this. I hope you can get some time and space to think this through. Maybe you should seek out a councilor or your church pastor/priest, or a good friend whom you trust and who has a high degree of mental health so they are in a position to help you. It's really important for you to be able to talk this over confidentially to help you decide what to do, and to give you the support you need to stay the course.
The way you set and enforce your next boundary will have enormous impact on your and your family's life. My heart goes out to you.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
I find it interesting that Barny is lurking out there reading posts, but not responding.
Barney...are you wondering what to do next? Pondering the actual impact of your actions? Worrying about the fact that she actually caught on to what you were doing? Or figuring out how exactly you are going to begin your next conversation with your wife?
Your marriage can still be salvaged and be better than it ever was, but I do believe the next step is yours to make.
MrsNOP and I wouldn't mind being of service to nicegal. In fact, we would like to help.
The problem right now, is that barney would know who it was coming from. I am positive that barney is not happy with me or MrsNOP. That doesn't bother us, but we are likely of limited usefulness to her at this point.
I do want to say that I have some experience dealing with active affairs and recovery, but we are not professional counsellors (obviously). Regardless, if nicegal asks for our help, we will give it in whatever form we can. Same goes for barney.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I'm going to let everyone have their say and let it play out. This must be fascinating reading for everyone!
I believe the story will look different in another week or so. In the meantime, I will say only that I haven't lied to anyone.
NOP, I'm not upset with you at all. You're wrong in your judgement of me and my motives, but that's ok. I think NG said that you and the Mrs. are a God-send to her. I'm glad for that.
And as painful as everything is for you and NG right now, I truly hope you two are able to work through/past this for a marriage better than either of you thought you could have.
