Quote: His response was "what does all that have to do with our sex life?"
Mr. Chachi gets the Clueless Dude of the Day award.
Just one quick question: did you have a headache after your first date...you know, from being hit on the head with club and dragged by your hair to his cave?
LOL....yeah, maybe that's what's wrong. I'm just getting over the head injury. Even after I got up and walked out of the room, he was still didn't understand why I was mad. If you ask my kids what Mommy wants for her birthday...for Mother's Day....for Christmas they will answer "PEACE AND QUIET"....lol...that is at this moment in my life the most romantic thing anyone can give me.
Quote: If you ask my kids what Mommy wants for her birthday...for Mother's Day....for Christmas they will answer "PEACE AND QUIET"....lol...that is at this moment in my life the most romantic thing anyone can give me.
LOL. I remember those days except in my case I was shushing the kids so Daddy could take his nap so just maybe he would be up for sex in the evening. When my kids were toddlers they learned to answer "The brew of the gods" when I said "What is coffee?" because I needed so much to get through my day. My #2 fantasy after getting laid was to sit alone in a cafe and sip my coffee while reading a book.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
So, Chachacha, What is the goal? What does Dr. Phil say? Do you wanna be right or be happy? Now, I agree that what he said was really creepy, about the cost of the flowers. But, what I hear him saying underneath it all is somehow he is under the impression that he has to "earn" sex, pay you for it in flowers, romance. Then he does those things, flowers and whatever trying to get the sex, and it doesn't happen he is frustrated. Does he feel he cannot "win", th.t he cannot make you happy?
I also think it is not all up to him to get you in the mood. What do you do to get yourself in the mood? Do you dress in a way that makes YOU feel sexy, do you do things to make yourself want him. If you sit and focus just on what you want HIM to do and say to get you in the mood, and how it is never enough or just right, I don't see you making progress.
What do you do to make sure you set a sexy atmosphere for both of you? I am saying this cuz there have been times that I was making my husband feel that he could never do things just right. After a while, it becomes work for them. Again, being disrespectful is not okay. But what is a solution? What exactly does he have to do to have a more active sex life?
And just as an afterthought, many of us want what we can't have. What do you think would happen if you just suddenly started wanting to have sex with him at ever single opportunity? I wonder if he might back off a little. Sort of like when you are on a diet and all you can do is think about food. Just thinking out loud. I do think that the communication between the two of you is pretty good. Just need to focus on solutions.
Arguing with reality is like trying to teach a cat to bark—hopeless. (Byron Katie)
Just kind of wondering, lets say your husbands actually improved and became romantic, thoughtful, caring guys. Then how would you ladies actually change into HD women? Not trying to be nasty, just curious as to what YOUR gameplan to change YOU is looking like. I know that for me, the HD guy, it is VERY hard to get motivated anymore to do anything nice for my wife, since she continues to be LD no matter what I do. In order for a marriage top work, the needs of both spouses must eventually be met at the same time. It almost seems to me that many LD women basically dismiss sex as not really being a necessary part of a great marriage.
Ce, Please read my thread "Break on through" and you'll see the effort I put forth to make my H feel special on Valentines Day. You'll also get to read about his wonderful response. Cinema
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Just kind of wondering, lets say your husbands actually improved and became romantic, thoughtful, caring guys. Then how would you ladies actually change into HD women? Not trying to be nasty, just curious as to what YOUR gameplan to change YOU is looking like. I know that for me, the HD guy, it is VERY hard to get motivated anymore to do anything nice for my wife, since she continues to be LD no matter what I do. In order for a marriage top work, the needs of both spouses must eventually be met at the same time. It almost seems to me that many LD women basically dismiss sex as not really being a necessary part of a great marriage.
What is your definition of HD? In my case we are ML once every three months or so.....what if we increase it to once a week? Would I then be defined as HD? What if we only had sex once a month but it was an all day thing? See that's the challenge....what is the definition of HD and LD? What if I desired my H more but we still didn't ML as much as he wanted am I still considered LD?
My H and I are at the beginning of this discovery. My plan is to keep talking and defining each of our needs. There are going to be moments like last few night where we both feel like we are beating our heads against a wall but I don't want to give up.
Chacha, LD and HD are relative terms. They have little to do with quantity. I may be the LD partner in my relationship, but in another, I could be HD. And, depending on circumstances, partners can switch roles. For a better understanding of these terms and how they impact your R, I suggest that you read The Sex Starved Marriage advertised on this site.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Here is a bit of unorthodox advice for you. Please consider it carefully.
Obviously, your husband has little to no understanding of the female gender. This is not uncommon. Getting something done about it is the hard part.
So, I am going to suggest that you break the "no trade for sex" rule, just this once, for one week.
Here is my proposal.
First step. ---------- Go and buy this book. "What Women Want Men to Know" by Barbara De Angelis
Step two. --------- Make passionate love to your hubby. Do it out of the blue. Just do it. Do it the same day you buy the book.
Step three. ----------- The day after your lovemaking, hand him the book. Then tell him something like this;
"Hubby, since you like to trade, I will make you a deal. If you will read this book, then tell me about what it says and how it applies to our relationship, in detail, then I will make love to you everyday, for a week. We will then discuss the book again, and see how well we did. After that, we can make a schedule for sex".
Write your requirements on the inside cover of the book so that your husband has no excuse for not having a clear understanding of his part of the 'deal'.
Step four --------- Report back here for review.
I think that will get you both into high gear for a decent start, and hopefully have hubby asking for what's next :-)
You can teach an old dog new tricks, you just have to make it worth his while.
How about it? -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
