Quote: pretty much tell myself she is not worth it. She doesn't deserve my emotion, energy, or time. That hasn't been as much of a problem lately.
I think I said something about ow not being a factor in my last post! I'm glad you are doing better with that, I actually am too overall...still not where I need to be...
Ignoring him when he is in a mood is a good way to go, I have a tendency of personalizing everything and have been working hard at not doing that.
Hey Sherry, I see others are saying what I have been thinking about you.
I would not allow my other to date while married to me. I know it will be hard, but in or out you must know.
I have been reading your sitch for what 2 months..and it was not new then.I think you have been living with this for a while....
Being in limbo, is very hard. What is the old saying,@@@@ or get off the pot. As for my own sitch, I do know where the boundaries are, ( Don't like it)( Don't always follow, but I do know what they are. Have you dated? I'm too far away, But it is 15 deg. C today.( about 60 F) Very nice flowers coming up, still 7 feet snow on mountain, you ski? Have some fun will ya.
I will update my sitch sometime this weekend, I have the kids and they are sick.
I don't think I could date at this point. I do believe in the vows I took even though my H has done the unthinkable. I would have to be separated or D. I have flirted just a little but that is it. It helps to get a little male attention.
Anyway, I know my sitch sucks, but I stay in it right now for the kids. When the next cell phone bill comes in (should be within the next week) ,if I don't see a decrease in minutes on his phone I think I will be ready to make a stand and have him leave. It has taken me awhile to get to that point. Hey maybe I will be spending my spring break alone. Won't that be great.
I have seen some small changes, since I have stopped being emotional,started detaching, and not iniating R talks. H seems more like himself at times and spends more time with us. It doesn't seem as if he is trying to avoid me.
I went shopping (one of my favorite things to do LOL) this morning. Just as I pulled in the garage, H calls. Where are you? I say the garage. He says really, I didn't hear you. I just say, so what did you want. He wanted to know what lunch plans were. We talk, laugh, sometimes things seem normal. He has gotten more playful with me. I try not to take too much stock in any of this and just keep detaching and GAL.
Yesterday I ran across a receipt and questioned H. He gave a vague answer (surprise). For some reason it bothered me ( I guess I let my imagination run wild) and later H asked what's wrong. I say nothing. He says I dont believe you. I respond with you don't want to know. He just stands there. I finally say, I don't think you are being completely honest with me (DUHHH!!! I already whacked myself, thanks). He calls me a name and walks a way. I follow and say that was unfair then I just drop it. A few minutes later he apologizes for the name. (???? whoa) I let it go. A few positives, he apologized and it didn't escalate into a fight ( I hope H noticed that). I let it go, even though I had a 1000 questions in my head.
It is just weird. His parents were visiting today and we were planning spring bread and Easter. I am sitting there thinking, hey you know none of this may happen because your son is .... and I may be kicking him out. But, I just sit there and smile and plan.
I keep doing things thinking, we will have to split up the dishes (as I empty the dishwasher). As I do the laundry ( I think H will have to go to a laundry mat LOL -that makes me smile). I guess I am preparing myself. I really don't expect the phone bill to be different (either the same or higher). I have been making plans in my head on what to do. I don't think H sees me as GAL even though I have joined a gym and leave on Saturdays without the kids, I don't bother him with details (like getting the kids haircuts or running errands)- I just go and do it ( I used to try and include him in on everything and make it family time)and have starting going to church and SS without him. I think he likes this freedom I have given him.
Just trying to sort out my thought which are all jumbled. Sherry
I hear so much of my situation in your post. The kids really help me keep it together. For them, I keep going on. We do more together now than we did when H was home. Now on Sundays, we do family things. Today was an especially busy day and just perfect (didn't hear from H all day!) He doesn't know what he's missing!
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
I think alot like you too...I wonder each day if I should ask H to leave or just leave things be....My sitch just never seems to get any better. In the summer before I knew about DB I was already doing an act as if, we had a great summer, but OW loomed in the shadows because I saw all the phone bills and the contact NEVER stopped. But in terms of splitting up the dishes...Hell no. He is the one who doesnt want the life you two have built together, he walks away empty handed. That is the way I see it. Everything that goes with our life stays put, you leave if you dont want what we have to offer. I also think like you, H likes that I go to the gym because then he doesnt have to sneak out to make his phone calls. But whatever. I am going to do what I want, and you are too. Just see how the days pan out.
You are doing a good job and are going to have days just like me where you question everything. When you are ready (just like me) you will know.
Hang in there girl. I have been feeling like you over the last couple of days. It has been 8 months since I found out that the W was considering leaving and nearly 6 months since the bomb. I am getting weary. I don't want to mess up the hard work and gains thus far but it wears on me. It's the get your cake and eat it part that festers inside me while my needs go unmet.
Something to keep in mind. I read that if you are not sure if it is going to work out, you want to leave your spouse with good memories. If you split then maybe the WAS will see what they are missing. They might realize the grass isn't greener.
Sounds like we are doing alot of thinking about our sitches and whether to stay or let our spouses go. Yeah the having your cake and eating it really bothers me too. That is what is at the heart of my indecision right now.
This is just so confusing.
Today for instance, H calls on his way home and actually wants to talk. This rarely happens anymore. If he calls or I do, the convos are very short and to the point. He actually asked about me and something going on with me. I talked to my principal about transferring today. I was really nervous about talking to her. He asked, I did not bring it up. Then after telling him about that he preceded to tell me about something that happened to him at work. This is usually when he talks to ow on the way home from work. I am not going to believe he didn't talk to her. I am just surprised he talked to me for so long and thought to ask about my problem. He also asked where I was, I did not ask him where he was or when he would be home. I just said I am fixing ... for dinner, do you want some? He said yes.
I have a terrible headache and he actually seems concerned.
I am going to keep detaching and GAL and keep considering what to do.
That is what is at the heart of my indecision right now... This is just so confusing... I am just surprised he talked to me for so long and thought to ask about my problem...I am going to keep detaching and GAL and keep considering what to do.
I think perhaps your detachment and your GAL and even your indecision about H is coming through in your actions and words, but you don't hear it and see it and recognize it, because you're not aware of how your moving on influences what you say and do, and influences how you say and do it. But maybe H sees it, and you're starting to get the results of that. Slowly. Now and then.
I have read all that you have written Sherry. I believe you were channeling me they are so similar! I didn't have any idea that so many people were in the EXACT same spot as me. I know H is still talking to OW. He told me so. I feel like an ulimatim is coming even though I know that would not produce the results I want. I just feel like if I keep "doing more of the same" (i.e. H talking to OW and living here being loving and sweet to me) he will never give up the OW. I feel like the last 6 months have been 6 years and I'm exhausted. Just wanted to let you know reading your posts have helped.
I'm glad you are doing better with that, I actually am too overall...still not where I need to be...
