I miss talking to you t0o Hon. You've always been able to put things in perspective. I understand the desire to move on, but I hope you keep us posted here every now and again.
As far as checking in, I still lurk fairly often and like to check up on the crowd. Even put in a post every now and then.
Keep being yourself and I think you'll always find that silver lining. For some people it's just always there and you are one of those people.
You take care Little Girl! and who knows, I might just drop you a line one of these days.
I rarely post anymore, and a long post like this? Hard to come by since I'm not as long-winded as I used to be (wink). So consider yourself special to even get a post, let alone a loooooooooonnng one! LOL
I was thinking about you today and thought I'd share some of my thoughts.
Like so many of us, you possess an extraordinary ability to hang in there and keep working at it. Maybe it was that upbringing that you've mentioned so many times, but I think it's more about the kind of man you are. You meant it when you promised "for better or for worse", "in sickness and in health" - what a shame it can mean so little to many other people.
I am very proud of you.
You are standing for something, staying by your W's side, even if you question what it is that you believe or your own sanity. The reasons you keep trying are an indicator of your values, despite any doubts you have about the kind of person you are. Maybe hearing that from an outsider will help you see yourself more clearly.
Now, having said that, I wanted to point out some things to you.
Before you joined this bb back in Nov 2002, did you ever think you'd be pouring out your soul to complete strangers? It's easier for women to express our feelings, but for a man - well, that says a lot about the man. Just coming here to seek support took some courage and a lot of love, and look at how far you've come. Perhaps not very far in some ways as you might be thinking, but very far in other ways. If nothing else, you've learned some things about yourself, haven't you? And you’ve made some great friends.
The people here may not always have all the answers, but we are still here for you. We'll listen and support you, even if we don't know how to help you. Therefore, use us. Don't be afraid to speak openly about what is going on in your life, your frustrations, etc...
Even if you just come here to put your thoughts into words, to talk about the little successes, to brag about your kids, or to celebrate new cigar stores.
I find that just coming to post helps me sometimes, and I often don't expect words of wisdom. Going back and reading my posts, I find that I learn from the greatest teacher of all: "me". Just last week, I found myself searching for an old post that stood out in my memory. I had to brush aside the cobwebs of my old brain to remember when it was, but I found it, and I printed it out so I'd remember where I WAS and where I AM today.
So, where exactly am I going with all this? Ramble Ramble Ramble……
I know you have a big ego, and along with that comes a healthy dose of pride. Sometimes you've pushed that aside, and you came here here looking to your friends for input. The fact that you're so quiet right now.... well, I think I know you, and the quiet doesn't always mean that things are great. Sometimes I know you are weary.
Use the friends you've made - they didn't go anywhere. I think you're going to need them as you continue along your journey. The bb will always be here, okay? And if you feel more comfortable reaching out to a people in email, then do that.
It's okay to open up about things, even if it sounds like more of the same, even if it's just to hear yourself ramble, and even if it means using other forums. You may need to leave that pride at the door, if you know what I mean. (Said with love, of course.) Who better to speak to than people who have been where you are? You're a smart man, and I think if you read this a few times, what I just said will make more sense.
This is Piecing. No one said it was easy. I already mentioned a long time ago that I think I got the easy way out, with the divorce (never thought I'd say something like that), because I see what many couples have to endure as they rebuild. I'm sure I'd stick with it, because I'm a strong woman. But I wonder if I'd be happy. (See that? I actually admitted that I'm a strong woman. And who says I haven't made progress? )
Okay, I'm done offering my input, as valuable as it may or may not be. Heck, with another couple of bucks, you might be able to buy a Latte at Starbucks! (I'd be happy to post my 31 page research paper if you like, and we can do a true cost-benefit analysis. )
Post an update when you can. In the meantime, take care of yourself, okay?
Love,
Mal
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Who are you trying to kid? You are just as long-winded as you always were. But I'm honored that you chose to ramble on my thread...(since you rarely post anymore...yeah, Right!)
So what got you all philosophical today? And who said the people here don't have all the answers? I think most of us do pretty well. We may not have all the "right" answers for every sitch, but for the most part I think the advice here as been pretty sound. But some things you just have to figure out for yourself. I'm working on it.
I don't post much anymore, but I do drop in and lurk frequently. Don't worry, if I have questions or comments I'll chime in, but there's not a lot more I think I'd add to most of the discussions.
It's really kind of interesting to read where everyone is at, and how they are doing. Each situation is different, but at the same time, they are so much the same...especially in the early stages.
Since I took the trouble to login, and MAL "did ask" for an update I guess I'll take this opportunity to talk about what's going on.
R mending is proceeding, albeit at a maddeningly slow pace. W and I are on pretty good terms and all the kids seem to be doing well. For the most part, I've really dropped the rope. Didn't think I could ever really detach as much as I have but it has made a difference. I'm less agitated and have been able to be much more of a friend to her, which is what I think she wants.
Watching her go through the process of piecing things together is a big thing. The relationship with the kids is the best. Everyone kind of lowered their guard a long time ago, but the periods when the "old wounds" get opened are almost totally gone.
It's kind of funny sometimes when she brings something up now, or does something that she said she "hated" a couple of years ago. I usually succeed in acting like it's nothing unusual, but it registers. I still haven't figured out if she realizes it when these kind of things happen, but I'm not sure it makes a difference in the long run.
W loves her job and has started classes that will lead to a promotion. She suggested we go visit my parents and attend the family reunion this summer, so there are two trips we'll be making together...Another significant step.
OS is still in Texas, has a new girlfriend, a new job and seems to be doing well. He actually calls us every once in a while to let us know what's going on....Yes it's true, they do eventually grow up! I guess you can't just chase women all your life...SIGH!!!! Sooner or later one of them catches you!
D is going to school up here now. I think I mentioned that before. She changed her major this year which added another year to her plan. But that's OK...she can stay here for awhile, I guess... She decided we should have a vegetable garden so guess what I've been doing on the weekends? All things considered, I think the events of the past couple of years affected her more than the boys. It's nice to see her coming back to her old self.
YS is doing OK too. Like his older brother, he's grown up a little this past year too. He actually takes responsibility for stuff around the house, is still going to the local community college and actually working on a plan to go back to college fulltime. I've sort of accepted that he gave up the scholarship and has to figure it out for himself....but just when I decide to stop giving him advice. He asks me for some. Haven't figured that one out yet.
Bottom line is that they going to be OK...and the best part is that they don't ask me for money, at least not much.
So the family is doing OK. I think I am too. Still not ready to call it a victory, but we are definitely doing well in the campaign. It's been about 5 years now since everything fell apart, or rather, when I realized that everything had fallen apart. I think time, more than anything else has helped us get where we are. We'll see if I can stand waiting for the rest of it.
Well, that's enough for now. Talked mostly about the kids and stuff, but I'm doing OK too. Thinking about retirement...and the possibility of a getting a real job. Hate to think about that, but not sure I'll ever get anyone to agree to another move...and with this job it's inevitable. But that's a story for another time.
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