Hey Cathy, You weren't off base in trying to get things going, I know how awkward this can be and the end runs around the frank discussions. Oh well, he can pound sand for not telling you what he thought at the time.
I would be happy with that statement. No abuse to me. Had my STBX, meet me at the door long coat on and nothing else, Loved it, but always loved sex. WAW felt I put to much on it and lost the loven feeling that came with sex. She felt sex became to hard, said she felt like a hooker. I was just trying to be adventurous, keep it moving. Avoiding borring sex. She still WAW. I miss her. Russ
I don't know where "spousal rape" comes in and it's hard to evaluate the written words. Frankly, I struggle with the "I'm getting laid Saturday night, you are welcome to be there if you would like." It sounds like you want him to come watch you ML to someone else. That affords too much latitude in interpretation. I guess my interpretion would be "she was threatening to find someone else." However, like the other respondents, I like the aggressiveness. In this case I go back to "actions speak louder than words."
That works for me.... Honestly.. as guys we are expected to make first contact, IE ask a woman out....Make the first move....It is so nice and refreshing for a woman to take charge. If she wants some and says so...instead of suffering in silence waiting for Husband to make a move..
We all have moods and needs and need to verbally express those to our spouse.
I'm still confused on this issue myself. My LDH used to tell me I was too wimpy when I initiated sex. He actually said that I should order him into the bedroom rather than just requesting sex, but on other occasions he has told me that he feels like a "piece of meat" if I approach him too aggressively. I've tried everything from a gentle hug and saying "Would you like to cuddle?" to fondling myself in front of him and saying "I want you to f*ck me now." with varying degrees of success. I think focusing too much on technique when initiating is sort of like focusing too much on your physical attractiveness. If your spouse is in the mood you are going to look good enough and your initiation attempt will be engaging. If your spouse is not in the mood and they feel inclined to blame you for that fact then your sex appeal will come into question in many different ways.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
This is an interesting subject to me. As a HDM, I can't imagine any way of initiating that wouldn't work for me. The key would be to convey the "WANT TO", rather than an attitude of duty. As long as there was some enthusiasm, I'd be ready.
But in my experience and with what I've read about other's, initiation for the LD HAS to be on more of an emotional level and can be instantly aborted by their mood, day's activities, or phase of the moon.
IOW, I guess I'm saying that HDs are easy. (Don't ever believe anyone that says I'm not deep! )
This has turned into quite the interesting topic....
Barney, by enthusiasm, do you mean "alive?"
My XH was always complaining about "not getting enough." I said...."just let me know, I can't read your mind." His response....."well, I touched your shoulder." Duh, so did about 20 other people throughout the day!!!! Guess I was too obtuse to recognize that I was so desirable to so many people.
