Nik, I understand your situation. Right now, things are going well -- you are better partners, better parents, better people. It seems like you are really a team, and handling the day-to-day parts of your life are easy. Right? What an accomplishment.
But you want more. And that's a little scary. What if you upset the apple cart? What if you open yourself up and find yourself hurt again? What if what's working now is working just because there is little intimacy?
My perspective is this: you don't know what will happen until it happens, so you might as well try. If things go south, well, you are a strong and resilient woman and you will deal. If things get great -- how wonderful that will be!
I agree with Betsey. Although, I don't think I'd ask him -- I'd tell him. Tell him you want to take your R to the next level. Tell him he turns you on. He's a man, right? See what happens!
Nik, I was thinking about you today. What if YOU just did the snuggling, the initiating, the hand holding? Did some 180's... EXPECTING him to pull away, etc. Could you do that? Kind of put your toe in and test the water... instead of asking him for what you want, just show him by doing. You are obviously frustrated, time to try to get unstuck.
You have to be brave, grasshopper, but you can do it. NOTHING ventured, nothing gained... and we both know you can do ANYTHING through Him who gives you strength.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
