did she go through menopause yet or is she pre? That might be where a lot of things are coming from and there are two types of women when it comes to that "BIG CHANGE": those that embrace it and even make fun of it and those that deny it and think of it as tabu but something that they can't do much about. Sometimes hearing from you MD about the choices that can be made to make the healthstyle and lifestyle "normal" during that time might be all it takes (I would not advice you approaching her about it unless you know she would not be offended) sometimes it's like talking to an empty room.
It does seem like your W is taking a plunge - is it because it's easier that way or is it because she is not informed about the choices?
She is 45 and premenopause. But her sex drive quit 14 years ago when we started having children. She has no sex drive now, so what will menopause do to her? But I also see women on her over 35-40 who have high sex drives. Who is NORMAL? Whay are women all over the map, while men are mostly HD? And what solutions are there that do not involve testosterone supplements? My wife does not want to take testosteron as it can be dangerous.
Try and find studies about decreased sex drive after having children - that's a documented phenomenon and unfortunatelly it does have to do a lot with hormonal levels - but not necessary testosterone! She really should have a COMPLETE blood work done on ALL of the hormonal levels and then see her options. Worst that can happen she'll say no to them. At that point it's your call.
I don't think there is a "normal" there are just far too many things that go in a woman's body that can affect many things at any given time. Has she had a thorough checkup by an MD? You may have stated that earlier, but I've forgotten.
Just a data point: I'm 42, and have been in perimenopause for over a year. Vaginal dryness is a problem, and I started having my upper lip waxed about every six weeks. A friend of mine in her 50s has none of these symptoms. I think this just one of those wildly variable things.
As for the lack of drive and depression (or what sounds like it may be depression), that may or may not be tied to menopause. Sounds like she needs a thorough check-up, as others have suggested, so she can get back on the road to feeling better about herself as well as your R.
For any woman or couple of any age who is experiencing dryness, I have one word
Quote: ASTROGLIDE!
I have used this stuff for years in every encounter whether he/I needed it or not. It's also good for solo sex. Let's not make "wetness" a performance issue for women, k?
Lillieperl, that's good advice. We've used lubricants for fun for years before they became more of a pragmatic thing.
If it was ever a "performance problem" for anyone, it was my H. All he could see was "I used to make her wet at the drop of a hat, and now I don't". It took a number of repetitions of "it's perimenopause, not you" before he really believed it, I think.
I don't particularly like Astroglide though, it seems sticky to me and doesn't taste very good. Our current favorite is Shunga, but there are others out there that are nice, too. (Don't care for the flavored ones though, expecially cinnamon - blech!).
A friend of mine in her 50s has none of these symptoms. I think this just one of those wildly variable things.